By Martin Hellicar
THE S-300s are going to Belgrade, Ocalan has escaped and Matsakis is off to Kosovo with his own brigade of desperadoes willing to die for the defence of Serbia. Stories for fools on the front pages of the April 1 editions of local dailies yesterday.
Most all the spoofs were inspired by the Kosovo crisis, and two papers chose to resurrect the S-300 saga.
Left-wing Haravghi carried a front-page story reporting that the Russian- made missiles, already re-directed from Cyprus to Crete, were now on their way to Belgrade.
The suggestion was that the Cyprus government had decided that, with the Nato offensive continuing, the fellow-Orthodox Serbs were in more dire need of the £200 million ground-to-air missiles than Greece.
The paper quoted a “reliable source” with links to Russian missile manufacturers Rozvorouzenie as saying Athens was getting cold feet about having the missiles and arrangements were thus being made for their transfer to Belgrade.
The relentlessness of the Nato bombing raids and the failure of their recent Kosovo peace initiative had persuaded the Russians to ignore the ban on weapons sales to Yugoslavia – opening the way for the transfer of the controversial missiles to that country, Haravghi reported.
The fragile credibility of the story was further dented by the fact that it occupied only a couple of column inches towards the bottom of the front page – less space and prominence than reports on the on-going Larnaca hotels strike and alleged police corruption.
Politis chose a slight variation on the same theme, but relegated it to the back page, shying away from taking the joke too far.
“The S-300s from Crete to Cyprus” the headline read. “Dramatic developments” was the strapline.
The Nato attacks on Yugoslavia and the possibility that this might lead to a Greco-Turkish clash had prompted Athens and Nicosia to review their controversial decision to redirect the missiles to Crete.
New Government spokesman Costas Serezis’ recent visit to Athens on “family business” was nothing of the sort, the paper reported. Serezis was in fact acting as a go-between for top-secret and urgent missile talks between President Clerides and Greek Prime Minister Costas Simitis.
The two leaders decided the threat of increasing regional instability meant the missiles had to come to Cyprus after all, Politis said. Russia had given assurances her fleet would make sure the missiles got to Cyprus and the only detail to be decided was whether the S-300s would go to Crete first and then to Cyprus or come here direct.
Alithia did more than most in trying to make its April fool’s story convincing.
It reported that firebrand Diko deputy Marios Matsakis was “by the time you read this on Serbian soil” along with 300 other volunteer defenders of the Serbian “cause”.
Matsakis has already stated his willingness to help the Serbs and Anorthosis football club has called for local volunteers to fight Nato alongside the Serbs.
Alithia just took the story one (giant) step further.
Matsakis – a former member of the British Territorial army – had been appointed chief of a battalion of 300 volunteers secretly assembled in the shadow of Stavrovouni monastery, the paper reported.
It even carried a photomontage of Matsakis inspecting a line of camouflage- clad, machine-gun toting, volunteers.
The volunteers had been visited before their departure by Archbishop Chrysostomos, who blessed the contingent, the paper stated.
The volunteers were to fly to Belgrade from the Paphos air-base at 2.30am yesterday, on board a Greek air-force C-130.
The right-wing paper added a further twist to the story, reporting that left-wing opposition party Akel had complained that their men had been barred from the contingent’s leadership.
Matsakis could not be contacted on his mobile phone when the Cyprus Mail sought his comment on his Yugoslavia “mission” yesterday. Maybe Cyprus GSM links do not stretch as far as Yugoslavia.
“Ocalan has escaped” screamed the Machi headline. The strapline was a bit of a give-away though, pronouncing as it did that the daring escape had taken place at “At 4:00 in the morning” – a full two hours after local papers have to go to bed by law.
The paper quoted a “foreign news agency” as reporting from Istanbul that Kurdish commandoes had rescued the Kurdistan Workers’ party (PKK) leader from the clutches of the Turks.
The commandoes carried out a daring raid on the prison island of Imrali off Istanbul – where Ocalan has been held since his capture earlier this year – overpowered the Turkish guards and whisked the rebel leader away. The whole operation lasted no more than 10 minutes, the paper reported.
The commandoes and Ocalan had disappeared without trace, suggesting they had left Turkish soil, Machi added.
The prize for least credible spoof went to Simerini.
Former Interior Minister Dinos Michaelides and his tormentor, House Watchdog committee chairman Christos Pourgourides had buried the hatchet, the paper stated on its back page. Pourgourides’s persistent allegations that Michaelides abused his ministerial post for personal gain may have forced the latter to resign, but President Clerides had managed to get the two men to agree to make no further statements on the matter, the paper reported.
Exchanges between the two politicians have become increasingly virulent in recent weeks. A reconciliation between the two is about as likely as a marriage between Matsakis and UN chief of mission Dame Ann Hercus.
The Cyprus Mail’s spoof about the national carrier offloading unpopular shares by lottery went international yesterday after being picked up by Reuters news agency.
Reuters noted that the Mail’s genuine story about pizza parlours coming under scrutiny for using a soya-based cheese substitute was in fact seen as an April fool’s story by many readers.
Which just goes to prove that truth really can appear stranger than fiction.
