FROM THE SUBLIME TO THE RIDICULOUS

MUSICAL VAMPIRES: Being in a small place Cyprus – or an even smaller community like London’s Cypriots – and making music can be a frustrating process. I often get CDs from young singers trying to make it. They have usually been produced and manufactured at extortionately high prices. I won’t name names, it’s pointless, but the best characterisation for people who rip off artists is musical vampires. They promise the earth, fame, big gigs in Greece, collaborations with Le Pa etc., etc. Naturally nothing happens, a small fortune, ranging from ?10,000-20,000 is spent, and the artists get no returns. What they have is a naff looking (and often sounding) CD framed on the wall, plus a couple of thousand copies, which are often given to people for free with an optional autograph. In real terms, anyone making a CD, needs first to ask how much and what do I get back? If the maths from this does not balance, in other words if the chances of even breaking are remote, then unless you have wads of cash to waste, the answer is simple, don’t do it. In the meantime, the vampires look out for more prey – wear your crosses, make huge garlic chains to be worn round your neck and save your soul from being drained of all creative juices and hard-earned income. Vampires beware, people are wising up!
  
COCA WARS: the recent presidential election of Evo Morales in Bolivia marks a turn in contemporary Bolivian history. As the first indigenous president (how crazy is that?), Evo has advocated nationalising Bolivian mining and legalising coca production. Both these acts have already created uproar. With regard to the former it is logical for any country in the world to control its own natural resources, particularly if that country is one of the poorest in the world. But as for coca, Morales is missing the plot. By legalising the natural ingredient that goes to making cocaine he will only be adding to the deadly and long lasting effects of coke addiction.
 
SUPERSTART to 2006 for SuperMario Matsakis, who is again in the limelight. After pulling down the Turkish flag, he walks across the unwanted Green Line and gets arrested. Part of me seems to be saying so what do you expect and another part accepts the ridiculousness of the scenario, of an MEP (albeit cavalier) being arrested in his own country. What made matters worse, however, was the recognition by courts in the north, which exist, but are not legal in terms of international legitimacy, of his parliamentary immunity. Matsakis is now summoned to re-appear, the government is distancing itself from him, saying these courts are pseudo courts and we all find ourselves yet again watching the unfolding spectacle of yet another SuperMario episode in failed and untactical direct action. More mudslinging all round – another dead end – and yet again the manifestation of ill feeling on all sides. One wonders how long the yin will outweigh the yang?
 
LENTIL SOUP: I recently ordered some dahl soup as a starter from an Indian restaurant only to find that it tasted like lentils soaked for a day or two in hot water! One of the problems with many restaurants of this kind in Cyprus is their lack of authenticity. Real dahl is firebrand stuff, it can compete with our zivana in the kickback stakes and is the perfect remedy for a chest cold on a winter’s night. One time as a student at Essex, I ate three spoonfuls back to back at a Diwali feast. As the only NADP (Non Asian Descent Person) on the table, I thought, lentils, soup, just like my mama makes it! Within three seconds I felt like my whole throat was on fire. Rushing for a glass of water, I gulped it down but this made it worse. My good friend Minal, who cooked the soup simply said “eat it slowly – don’t rush it down”. I took the advice and after a few spoonfuls felt a lot better. I only wish my local Indian would get the recipe right!
  
68 MILLION MICKEY MOUSE RING TONES: The Young Communist League in China, that bastion of democracy and freedom of expression, has just sanctioned the use of 68million (its total membership) Mickey Mouse ring tones on mobile phones. A wise Israeli told me a year ago, “The Chinese exporting every thing to the world is no problem – it’s when Chinese people en masse become materialistic consumers that the problems will start”. Imagine every single Chinese person, over 1.3 billion, wanting an internet connection. Now that’s some serious gridlock for the cyber highways of the world. Hey Pluto, pass me the comrade!

The Cyprus Mail is the only English-language daily newspaper published in Cyprus. It was established in 1945 and today, with its popular and widely-read website, the Cyprus Mail is among the most trusted news sites in Cyprus. The newspaper is not affiliated with any political parties and has always striven to maintain its independence. Over the past 70-plus years, the Cyprus Mail, with a small dedicated team, has covered momentous events in Cyprus’ modern history, chronicling the last gasps of British colonial rule, Cyprus’ truncated independence, the coup and Turkish invasion, and the decades of negotiations to stitch the divided island back together, plus a myriad of scandals, murders, and human interests stories that capture the island and its -people. Observers describe it as politically conservative.