WHAT do you do when you fancy someone totally unsuitable for you? Someone you know you like for all the wrong reasons? Someone who’s good looking, highly educated and extremely successful. Or in laymen terms: a wanker banker who loves himself.
I can’t help myself. There’s something about this guy that just draws me in.
I don’t think it can be his flowering personality because to be honest he doesn’t really have one. I mean he’s a really, really nice guy – when you cut through the overly confident act – with insecurities just like the next person, but he’s just not funny. He tries to be, bless him, but I find the only reason I laugh when I’m with him is because I’m funny. In fact it wasn’t until I met him that I realised what exactly women interviewed in girly mags meant when they said it was important to meet a man who made them laugh. Spending two hours on the phone talking to someone who has the personality of a block of wood is trying for even the most gifted of gabbers. Nevertheless, I mustn’t be cruel, and as I said he is a very nice guy and an even better kisser. Actually he’s an amazing kisser. We didn’t get beyond first base so I can’t tell you what he’s like in any other department but in the kissing department he’s remarkable.
So what does all this say about me? That I’m a superficial gold digger?
Yes, I’m ashamed to admit that the reason I like this guy is because of what he does, rather than who he is. I know that sounds terrible, but what’s even worse is that there are hundreds of other girls out there just like me. I like to think that I wouldn’t actually marry someone just because he’s successful, but sometimes I worry that I would.
I think the problem is you end up falling in love with the fantasy more than the real person. In a world where material possessions are so highly valued and having a good time is most people’s primary objective, it can be hard to focus on the important things in life. I should know, because half the time I’m torn between buying a new pair of Vicini’s to go with my MaxMara dress and haring off to Africa to save starving babies. I know that if I were to do the latter it would be a life changing experience which I like to think would make me review my priorities and see myself for the insecure measly human that I am. After all, isn’t this yearning need for money and social status not simply a reflection of our insecurities?
My mother once told me that we are all equal when we stand naked before God. I struggle to keep that thought in mind when I’m asked out on a date by someone who earns six figures. It’s really hard not to be taken in by the package: the fast cars, the five-star hotels, three-star restaurants, and of course the charm. If you’re lucky this man will also be well read and interesting to talk to, and not just interested in going out with leggy blondes.
Charm is actually something men with money seem to ooze. I think the charm is directly related to their confidence which is related to their knowledge that they can pretty much have their pick of any woman in the room. And this is because sadly we women are all too willing to be picked by someone like that.
I know I’m disgusting and God help me I do try and fight this materialistic side of me because I know deep down that those are not the values you should look for in a life partner. Love, kindness, compassion, selflessness, intelligence and humour are all much more important attributes. In fact I try and imagine what I’d do if Mr Wonderful lost all his money and was suddenly out of a job. Would he be so wonderful to me then? If the answer is no, then I know he’s not worth pursuing because it wouldn’t be fair to him and in the long wrong it wouldn’t be fair to me.
I think the ideal scenario is to find someone who can give you the lifestyle you want and whom you also love and they love you. I’ve got enough sense to know it would be a very lonely union if it was only based on money.
Which brings me back to this guy I fancy. Although I know it was his job and salary that piqued my interest in him, he is a nice guy and I think I enjoy his company. The reason I say think is because I need to get to know him a little bit more, unfunny as he is, before I make up my mind. Well it’s either that or the fact that I still need a bit more time to cope with giving up the fantasy of having that Graff engagement ring I so want…
