Why bother buying the whole pig…
Today is my 42nd birthday (I know, I know, many happy returns, thank you) and, although I’m not in the habit of thinking about such things, a small incident that took place this week has made me ponder what it means for a woman to be over 40 nowadays. After all, not so long ago (just read some Honore de Balzac), the average female of this age was either a grandmother or already dead. But here I am, alive, healthy and generally feeling very well. I cycle, walk, exercise, party, wear a bikini and even, just imagine, have sex. Still a friend at a reception at the Italian embassy this week told me that I was too old to get a job in one of Nicosia’s cabarets.
How did we get on to such a topic of conversation? To cut a long story short, it started with a discussion about the lack of investigative journalism in Cyprus. As we all know, this genre, apart from a very limited number of instances, simply doesn’t exist here. Why? The reasons are numerous and we won’t go into them. But facts remain facts and speak for themselves. There are at least 14 dailies, nine TV stations and 20 plus radio stations on both sides of the island and none of them does any kind of proper investigative reporting. They all just simply publish what they are told and in most cases don’t even bother to double check.
Just think about what that means for us, the audience. It means that more or less all the Cypriot media we read, watch or listen to repeats exactly the same thing, which leads to several very sad conclusions: a) the media here are waste of time and money and we would all do better spending our life sunbathing than studying them; b) I personally should change my profession and become a lawyer, a teacher at a primary school or a PR manager.
However, I don’t want to change my job and hence came the insult from my friend. I went with him through a list of stories that I could investigate and after discarding some of the more dangerous topics came up with an idea of doing a piece on getting a job in a night club. (Why not? I am an Eastern European and speak Russian so it should be much easier than trying to unveil the secrets of the Cyprus Church.) Alas, my friend destroyed my hopes. He told me I was too old, nobody would even think of employing me, and these positions are only open for women below 25.
Well, here is my response to all this age nonsense. To start with, I have Googled the old prostitutes subject and found a story published in Japanese paper, Mainichi, last week on vintage hookers in Kobe, aged between 60 and 80, who had masses of clients approaching them with lines such as: “Those girls in the ‘soaplands’ are too young for us. What do you say we have some fun?” So, sorry but wrong assumption, my dear friend, the interest in mature women is definitely there, even if it requires oriental sophistication.
Secondly, I Googled the phrase “women over 40” and found the following list compiled, obviously, by a very intelligent man. “As I grow in age, I value women who are over 40 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why: 1) They don’t lie next to you in bed and ask, ‘What are you thinking?’ They don’t care what you think; 2) If they don’t want to watch the game with you, they don’t whine about it. They do something they want to do, and it’s usually more interesting; 3) They know themselves well enough to be assured in who they are, what they want and from whom. Few women past the age of 40 give a damn what you might think about them or what they are doing; 4) They are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won’t hesitate to shoot you, providing they think they can get away with it; 5) They look good wearing bright red lipstick which is not true of younger women or drag queens; 6) They are actually far sexier than their younger counterparts; 7) They are more forthright and honest. They’ll tell you right off if you are a jerk. Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it’s not reciprocal. For all those men who say, ‘Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free,’ here’s an update. Nowadays 80 per cent of women are against marriage, why? Because they realise it’s not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage.”
So ladies, happy birthday, whatever age you are (hopefully over 40!), and for you guys, the same advice goes as for the Cypriot press: “Start being a bit more investigative”.
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