Miriam is one of an increasing number of British women in Cyprus who has been deserted by her British partner and is forced to bring up children alone, without any real hope of maintenance.
She was one of the thousands of youngish Brits, who disheartened with life in the UK, have moved to Cyprus in the last decade, enticed by the weather; the easygoing approach to life and the bonus of living in another EU member state.
“I was living in the UK and had been made redundant from a good job. My parents were living out here in a Paphos village, so I decided to come over for a couple of months and chill out,” said Miriam.
“I arrived in July 2001, and soon after, began working in a village taverna. This was where I met Ray. We started dating, and after a couple of months we moved in together. He was a real charmer, with a good sense of humour, and seemed to live life to the full. He seemed perfect for me. We got married in Paphos in September 2002. He’d confided in me that he had two children from a previous relationship, who lived in the UK, and told me his ex-partner prevented him from seeing them.”
Miriam became pregnant almost immediately, and soon after the relationship began to disintegrate. “It started with a few fibs here and there, and then escalated to a point where he just lied about everything, even the small things. He had no sense of financial responsibility and no personal goals.”
Miriam had sold her property in England, and bought a house in Paphos for cash. The house is in her name. Her parents lent her 10,000 pounds for home improvements and paid for her maternity medical bills.
“During our marriage, I actively encouraged him to see his sons from a previous relationship, and I paid for them to come over for a Christmas holiday, so he could get to know them.
“I’ve subsequently found out that what he’d told me about his previous relationship wasn’t true. His ex thought he’d come to Cyprus on holiday, to check it all out, in the hope of making a new life for them here. In fact, he’d come here with a 20-year-old girl, and ended up staying, cutting off all contact with his partner and kids.”
Miriam has since built up a relationship with her husband’s ex, and the women often meet to enable their children, who are half brothers and sister to get to know each other. She now knows that he has another son in Germany.
“I knew I had to go back to England for job security and financial reasons. I couldn’t expect my parents to keep bailing us out. He was going to join my daughter and me in the UK to start afresh, but he decided not to come.”
Instead, he stayed in the house, whilst it was put up for sale and agreed to pay the monthly mortgage bills.
“I left in April 2007, and he came to see his daughter overnight in the UK in January 2008.This was the last time he saw her or spoke to her. I found out he has defaulted on the mortgage, and has an outstanding credit card debt in his name. In addition, he also left a €400 electricity bill. He didn’t even contact his daughter on her 5th birthday. We have no idea where he is, although I heard he’s living with another woman.”
“I feel very angry that he’s walked away from his responsibilities, and my poor parents who are in their sixties, are trying to sort all the mess out for me. My house hasn’t sold yet, and it’s now very difficult in this current climate. If the bank chooses to call in his credit card debt, which they are threatening to do, I could lose my house.”
Although both parents are British, the UK Child Support Agency which tries to ensure that parents who live apart from their children make financial contributions by paying child maintenance, has extremely limited jurisdiction abroad.
“The parent can only claim maintenance from a partner not living in the UK, through a private arrangement or through the courts. I believe Cyprus and Britain have a reciprocal agreement in this way, but we don’t have any jurisdiction over claiming money from parents who may be residing in Cyprus,” Tracey Lee of the CSA press office told the Sunday Mail.
Paphos lawyer Panikos Michaelides has noticed a definite increase in divorces between British couples.
“It’s usually the woman who is left with the child and trying to claim maintenance. These cases usually go to court, and the judge orders how much the absentee parent must pay. Divorces apply to the country in which the couple got married,” he said. Of course, tracking down these fathers and making them pay is often extremely difficult.
Karen, a recent divorcee, thinks this growing phenomenon of British men deserting their families is very much linked to the reason why people come to live in Cyprus in the first place.
“Cyprus, and in particular Paphos, is a magnate for people who are running away from things, or who want to reinvent themselves.People here are very trusting and believe what they’re told.I’ve learnt my lesson now though.”
Karen met Andy in 2004 when she was in Paphos on a summer break and she decided to leave England and move over here.
“Andy promised me the earth.I thought he was a single guy, who was looking for the right women to settle down with,” she said.
She soon realised her perfect man wasn’t all he appeared to be.
“I found out just before our wedding that he was in fact ten years older than he’d led me to believe. He’d been married before and had a daughter. I was devastated, but he promised me that there were no more lies, and that he loved me.”
She went ahead with the wedding, but the relationship unravelled rapidly.
“Three months later, a few days after I had found out I was pregnant, there was a knock at our door, and a woman claiming to be another of Andy’s ex-wives was standing there. Andy had actually been married three times before. I was his fourth wife!”
Karen then found out he’d fabricated most of his background.
“He preys on vulnerable single women who are financially well off, and as I’d sold my house to move here, I fitted the bill exactly.The only good thing to come out of this mess is my daughter. Andy doesn’t want anything to do with her, and that’s fine by me, but he still has financial obligations.”
Karen has two female friends in Paphos, who have experienced similar problems, although one of them didn’t marry her partner. Both women had children with the now absentee fathers, and both found out the men weren’t who they claimed to be.
One of my own friends found out her partner was still married. It was a terrible time for her, as she’d given birth just weeks earlier.
Emily Andrews, a family councillor in the UK, said that for many people in this situation the obvious solution was to go home.
“Now the boundaries of the world are opening up, people are experiencing new cultures and situations, and it can be very hard to deal with a family break up in a foreign country,” she said.
“I think when you have a crisis, some people feel the need to go home. Many people who live abroad are truly able to make their homes there. But for a growing number of young married people, it seems to be the trend to return to the UK.”
But whilst returning home may provide some psychological comfort, it makes the task of obtaining any financial support nigh on impossible.
The names of the women featured in this article, have been changed at their request.
