THE BRITISH couple next to me enjoying the late Med sun tell me their holiday is to celebrate their fiftieth wedding anniversary: childhood sweethearts from the same class at school. It’s not hard to feel genuine delight with them, I am a big fan of marriage, especially the ‘for better or worse’ bit.
Recently released statistics in the UK, ahead of the census, are predicting yet another decline in those opting for marriage and a growth in the number of couples cohabiting and having children out of wedlock, this is linked to the other main trend which is first marriages happening later, on average with bride and grooms in their thirties, which means there may well be far fewer golden weddings in the future.
I ask the couple next to me if they have grandchildren. They smile and say, “Yes, sort of”. It seems their son is living with a woman who has two children from a previous relationship but is not intending to get married.
The couple tells me they care deeply about the children, look after them at weekends, will have them for Christmas Day but can’t help but feel insecure about their relationship to them. They want to love them to bits but they are wary that things might fall apart and they would never see them again.
That’s what is so good about marriage, it clearly defines who and who isn’t part of the family. It gives you a nominated role as mother or father-in-law. It gives you a legal licence to love others’ children.
There’s no doubt that children can thrive in stable relationships without their parents being married; there’s no doubt that having a marriage certificate does not mean that there will be more or less love between two people but what it does do is make it easier for everyone else in a family to be clear of their position.
Many of our generation are now seeing their twenty-something children have serial cohabiting relationships. It gets very complicated when it comes to who to invite for family special occasions, or what photos to stick in the albums, or how well one should get to know their partner’s family.
We’ve encouraged our own children not worry about money, told them they don’t need the average cost of 23k for a wedding, and the expensive stag and hen nights. That marriage isn’t about the glamour and the parties it’s about security, knowing you can share and be committed to someone else through good times and tough times.
I raise a glass to the couple next to me, “To marriage,” I say. “Yes” smiles the man, “the best investment I’ve ever made” squeezing his wife’s hand. And that’s it, isn’t it? Marriage is a proof that you have something that is worth saving; it’s not about a day with all the razzmatazz, it’s about something that grows and strengthens, for better or worse, to have and to hold on to…
