THE NEW conspiracy theory season opened triumphantly this week, even if a bit early. The season usually starts after the October 1st military parade, but it would appear that the foreign conspirators began work early this year, in order to speed up the critical developments in the Cyprob as they are working to a December deadline.
Fittingly, the season was opened by master conspiracy theorist, political moralist, bribery correspondent and book author Michalis Ignatiou, who got hold of a couple of UN documents and milked them dry both in Phil and Mega TV. This was a big journalistic coup, even though the content of the documents was not very sexy.
However the resourceful Ig, sexed them up adding his personal interpretation and views thus turning the mundane and predictable exchanges at two meetings, involving UN officials, into a wider international conspiracy aimed at pressuring the Greek Cypriots into agreeing to an unfair settlement.
Phil’s banner headline for the story on Thursday was, “(They are) ‘Cooking’ pressure for G/Cs”. The pressure was not being ‘cooked’ in a pressure cooker, as you would expect, but at the UN with the Yanks acting as the chefs.
THE PRESSURE cooker conspiracy consisted of the minutes of two meetings – one between the UN deputy Secretary-General Lyn Pascoe and US ambassador to Nicosia Frank Urbancic and the other between Big Al Downer and Little Mehmet Ali.
A big song and dance was made about Pascoe telling Urbancic that Big Al had been instructed to inject ideas into the peace process, “while ensuring that the parties retained ownership of the talks.” This could hardly have surprised any sane person – if Big Al cannot come up with ideas, why is he here? According to Ig, this “revealed the intention to impose covert arbitration,” which is a big no-no for our side.
Big Al has been warned – ideas for bridging the differences between the two sides are not allowed, because this would constitute arbitration. Other observations were made at the meeting but they are just too boring to repeat.
THE ARBITRATION spin, by Ig captured the imagination of all our bash-patriotic politicians, who were queuing up at TV and radio stations to condemn the latest conspiracy by the Yanks and the UN to introduce much-hated arbitration.
DIKO spokesman Fotis Fotiou issued a statement about the latest outrage, saying that “if the submission of ideas, as food for thought, during the second round of negotiations hides an intention (by Downer) to take the role of arbitrator DIKO answers with an absolute no.”
A little over an hour after posting the story on its news-service web-site Tass News Agency posted an announcement by DIKO saying: “The comments, referring to the UN Secretary-General’s Special Envoy Alexander Downer, that were made by the party spokesman, this afternoon, are withdrawn.”
Are we therefore to conclude that Diko withdrew the earlier statement because it is in favour of Big Al acting as arbitrator?
YOU HAD to admire Ignatiou’s telephone conversation with the Mega TV news presenter, as they discussed the former’s banal revelations on air. At one point, the insufferably self-important Ig told the presenter, “I will leave it at that, do not ask me more questions.”
The implication was that Ig had a lot more documents and many more things to say, but he did not want to be drawn into making more revelations. This was quite similar to the method he had adopted with regard to his revelations about the briberies of Greek Cypriots by the Yanks during the referendum. Then, also, he claimed he had piles of documents implicating many Greek Cypriots, but five years on, we are still waiting for the publication of his book that would have contained all information he had gathered.
Not to worry. He can now publish an even bigger book which, apart from the names of the US agents, could also contain details of all the US/UN pressure cooker plots against Kyproulla. I will leave it at that.
MEANWHILE, Politis columnist Costas Constantinou, yesterday exposed the self-righteous Ig’s talent for mixing fact and fiction. He analysed Ig’s dig at the DISY Fuhrer.
One of the UN documents in Ig’s possession, noted that Nik had warned “us to be wary of the rejectionist newspapers (note: he refers to Phileleftheros) as they would carry on undermining the process, especially if there is progress.” As Constantinou points out, nowhere in the passage cited by Ig was there mention of Phil in quotation marks.
The reference, in the newspaper article, was added by Ig, who sanctimoniously asked: “Is it possible for the leader of the opposition to nail in such a clumsy and unacceptable manner the biggest newspaper of Cyprus?”
Even if Nik did nail Phil (although we have seen no proof) what was unacceptable about it? We hope to read the great moraliser’s answer in his eagerly-awaited book.
OUR GOVERNMENT did not exactly stick to its much-advertised principles and support for international legality at the UN on Wednesday, when the General Assembly adopted a resolution that condemned the ‘forced displacement’ of the population from Georgia’s Abkhazia and South Ossetia territories, strongly upheld the displaced populations’ right to return there, and defined these territories as parts of Georgia.
Cyprus was the only EU member-state which did not vote in favour of the resolution. It abstained, in order not to jeopardise relations with Russia, even though Russia invaded the above-mentioned territories, kicked out people from their homes and is blocking their return. The parallels with what Turkey did in Cyprus do not need spelling out.
Interestingly, Turkey was the only NATO member to abstain. At least Turkey, an invader and occupier, had some justification for siding with Russia. This however was not the reason for its abstention. According to press reports “it bowed to its strategic partnership with Russia”.
COMRADE presidente’s official visit to Rome did not go exactly according to plan, as Italy’s fun-loving PM Silvio Berlusconi, at the last minute cancelled their scheduled meeting and joint news conference, arranging instead a “working dinner” on Tuesday evening at his office.
Silvio, notorious for getting bored easily, probably decided he could not be bothered to sit and listen to the comrade going on about the Cyprob and then have a joint news conference at which he would have to talk about Turkey. A working dinner meant the two leaders did not have to stick to any agenda or meet hacks afterwards.
Of course, the comrade being the diplomatic novice that he is, told the CyBC what Silvio had reportedly told him during the dinner. The comments Tof attributed to Silvio angered the Turkish papers, which slammed the Italian lothario for his reported stance on the Cyprob.
DELIBES’ opera Lakme that was staged at the Paphos mediaeval castle last weekend proved a big hit with the audiences, even though not too many members of the proletariat attended which must have disappointed Comrade Tof who wants them to become “acquainted with this type of art”.
There was one small hiccup in the Saturday night performance, in the middle of Act 2. While Lakme and her father were in an embrace, singing they were interrupted by loud explosions and then the sky was lit up by fireworks.
A shaken, Paphos mayor Savvas Vergas immediately left his seat, and begun manically hitting the numbers on his mobile phone. The two singers froze in their embrace and the conductor stopped the performance as the music and singing had been drowned out by the sound of the fireworks, which were being set off at a wedding reception, at a nearby hotel.
The interruption only lasted five minutes, the anxious mayor reportedly sending the cops to the wedding party to stop the fireworks. The conductor
and the performers were soon back on stage and the opera was completed without any other disruptions.
It was a surprising incident, given how efficient way the Paphos municipality normally ensures against noisy distractions during the performance – no boats are allowed into the harbour and roads around the castle are closed. How did the police or municipality give permission for a firework display during the performance?
Apparently, the wedding organizers agreed with the authorities to have the display during the opera’s 15-minute break, but the performance started late and therefore the break was not at the agreed time. A bit naïve of the authorities to make arrangements based on the absurd assumption of Cypriot punctuality. Live performances never start on time – that is a rule in Kyproulla.
THIS WOULD never be the case at the Kikis Culture Centre assuming that the government finally gives the go-ahead for the retired banker’s €130 million-plus vanity project. Our leader is as committed to culture as he is to communism and has been dithering about pulling the plug on the project, as the ministerial committee advised.
On Monday, the Kikis Culture Foundation, which is running the project, resorted to the ‘long, wet tongue’ tactic – it issued a statement flattering the presidente, (like all great leaders he is rather vulnerable to flattery) for his commitment to culture. It grovellingly thanked him for his “strong and unstinting backing for the Culture Centre, something he has relentlessly acted on, from the first steps for the creation of the Centre.”
Perhaps the Foundation could commission Nicos Kodziamanis to do a statue of the great leader, which could be placed in the piazza at the front of the Centre, as a tribute to his contribution to the spread of high culture in Kyproulla.
This would ensure he gives the green light to what the Foundation described as “not a vanity project” but the “biggest project of cultural infrastructure in the history of the Cyprus Republic and remarkably important project of urban and economic development that would completely transform the cultural landscape of our country and substantially upgrade the quality of life of citizens.”
Perhaps there should be a statue of Kikis in the piazza as well, in gratitude for substantially upgrading our quality of life.
OUR ESTABLISHMENT was informed on Friday that it had been reported to the Journalist Ethics Committee by Kokos Eliades. We have yet to receive official notification from the Committee, but we were told that Eliades’ complained because our flippant question in last Sunday’s issue about Aliki Vouyiouklaki, was a violation of his private life, or something to that effect.
We shall inform customers about the matter, once we receive the complaint, but
in the meantime we would like to congratulate Kokos for last Sunday’s illuminating column about the idiots who have senior state positions. He lamented the fact that Kyproulla was going through a period in which “there is an outbreak of stupidity because many (idiots) have discovered the courage to speak out publicly.”
At least during the reign of his late symbetheros, the idiots kept quiet and only the truly intelligent, like Koulias and Pitto, were speaking publicly.
KOKOS also gave a very astute definition of intelligence. “A person’s intelligence essentially stems from his ability not to under-estimate the intelligence of others. A fool underestimates it,” he said. In a show of genuine modesty, higher up in the article, he wrote, “I am not claiming to be someone smart, but at least I can spot an idiot in the crowd.”
I am going to ask a foolish question and I hope Kokos does not report me to the Ethics Committee for my stupidity, but like many others with low IQ, I have now found the courage to speak out publicly. When Kokos exercises his talent of spotting an idiot in the crowd, is there a possibility that he has “under-estimated his intelligence”?
CONGRATULATIONS to the son of Zeus, Andis Hadjicostis who tied the knot for the second time, 10 days ago. The wedding reception was held at Lemon Park and guests were entertained by Greece’s popular singer Lepa(n) who flew in especially for the event. Cyprus-born, mega-star Anna Vishy, a friend of Andis, was also a guest at the wedding, and as a special treat she got up and performed one song. As Ignatiou said on Mega TV a few days ago, “I will leave it at that, do not ask me more questions,” because the last time we had reported something about an Andis bash, he was not a happy bunny.
