Maro Christou, 45, and her husband fostered 14-year-old Xenia 12 years ago and even though they haven’t fostered any other children since, their success story was too heart-warming to overlook.
The Christou family took Xenia (not their real names) in when she was just 23 months old.
She has blended in like a natural family member and Maro and her husband, who have no biological children of their own, can’t imagine life without her.
At times, however, their love for Xenia has been fraught with uncertainty. Just three years into fostering Xenia, her natural father decided he wanted his daughter back.
“It was extremely difficult,” Maro told the Sunday Mail. “Not so much for us, because adults have the ability to deal with whatever is thrown at them. But what you can’t live with is, knowing it wouldn’t be good for the child, and that hurts you more. If you knew they would be happy returning to their natural family and it would be in their best interests, it wouldn’t be so hard.”
In the end the couple were lucky. They had very good relations with Xenia’s natural parents. “We all sat down and discussed it, and we all eventually agreed that the baby was better off with us.”
Maro’s love for children and admiration for the fostering programme are clearly evident. “Fostering is a very beautiful thing. It gives you the opportunity to love without motives,” she said. “Sometimes with your natural children, you take them for granted and feel like you own them, whereas here, you choose to love this little human being for what it is. You need strength, but it is such a nice experience. You give but you also take.”
According to Maro, for someone to foster, they need to be very conscious of what they are doing and they need to completely understand their role.
“You must make this child feel secure and make them understand that they are not to blame for what is going on. Sometimes they feel that they are in this situation because they were bad and it was their fault. They need to understand that their parents love them but for various reasons they can’t be with them.
“And of course, you need to give them endless love and constant reassurances, until they feel stable enough and start understanding what family means; what mum and dad means.”
It is also imperative, said the foster mum, that a child is reminded of its roots. “It is very, very important – for me at least – that you accept the child’s roots because if not, the child ends up rejecting itself. They need to know their roots.”
And maintaining a good relationship with a foster child’s biological parents vastly contributes to a successful fostering story.
“You have to gain the natural parents’ trust,” Maro said. “You respect and appreciate them for bringing this child into the world. I continue to have good relations with Xenia’s natural parents and I love them in my own way. They are important in our little girl’s life.”
The Christous haven’t got children and were toying with the idea of adopting when Xenia came along.
“So we sidestepped our plans and devoted ourselves completely to Xenia.”
The foster mum has nothing but good words to say about the Social Welfare Services and the support she receives. “I am totally satisfied. The Welfare Services are the third partner in this affair and the relationship between a foster family and the Welfare Services is of vast significance. These people have endless experience and so much to offer, you just have to want to take it.
“I get so angry when I hear their work being diminished; I am categorically against it. What you give, you take. If you want to do this, you need to be willing to learn from others.”
