Hard times call for drastic measures

The parlous state of the island’s tourism and the financial problems of Cyprus Airways (CY) could both be vastly improved at a stroke by a simple new plan. It would probably pay for the insane new motorway and those six planned golf courses.

The first suggestion is to immediately retire all male flight attendants. After all, no one ever really wanted them in the first place. Then, replace all the female flight attendants with good-looking and lightly clad new employees. It might not be too much to introduce one or two pole dancers or even a tasteful striptease performance on certain random flights.

The immediate effect would be at least to triple the alcohol sales and generate a ‘party atmosphere.’ Of course, every businessman would also want to use CY in the hope of encountering a diaphanously attired lady.

Because of the tips, female flight attendants wouldn’t need a salary, thus saving even more money. Indeed, tips would probably be so good that the attendants could actually be charged for working the planes and have to kick back say, 20 per cent of the tips, including those collected for some lap dancing episodes and any other services rendered.

Security would be enhanced and its costs drastically lowered as Muslims would be afraid to get on the planes for fear of seeing undressed women. Hijackings would become a thing of the past and CY would start to make a profit at last.

Of course, there would be accusations of male chauvinism and political incorrectness but then, when times are this hard the end would justify the means. All we need now is for the Board of CY and our highly esteemed Comrade President to initiate the plan and thus do something useful to justify their enormous salaries.

Dick Richards,
Paphos

The Cyprus Mail is the only English-language daily newspaper published in Cyprus. It was established in 1945 and today, with its popular and widely-read website, the Cyprus Mail is among the most trusted news sites in Cyprus. The newspaper is not affiliated with any political parties and has always striven to maintain its independence. Over the past 70-plus years, the Cyprus Mail, with a small dedicated team, has covered momentous events in Cyprus’ modern history, chronicling the last gasps of British colonial rule, Cyprus’ truncated independence, the coup and Turkish invasion, and the decades of negotiations to stitch the divided island back together, plus a myriad of scandals, murders, and human interests stories that capture the island and its -people. Observers describe it as politically conservative.