AFTER making the world’s biggest sheftali, the world’s biggest koupepi and four-tonne donner kebab, we are set to enter the world record books yet again with the proposed creation of the world’s tallest statue, which would go by the name of The Kind Angel of the World.
The statue will be built near Monagrouli (a God-forsaken village somewhere in the Limassol district) and will, reportedly, be 135 metres tall, thus beating the current tallest statute, the Spring Temple Buddha in China, which measures 128 metres. Our Kind Angel will also dwarf the Statue of Liberty which is a mere 90m tall.
We are all very excited about this ambitious project which will definitely have a lot more gravitas than the biggest sheftali or heaviest donner kebab, and put Monagrouli, which most Cypriots had never heard of before this, on the world map.
We are very happy for the Monagrouli community and its mukhtar Paraskevas Heracelous, who gave the go-ahead after just two meetings with the Russian businessmen behind the project. Having secured the mukhtar’s approval, all that remains now is for the businessmen to seek the go-ahead of the district offices, Planning Departments and the Guinness Book of Records.
THE TALLEST statue in the world would, reportedly, be part of a complex that would include a conference centre for 1,300 delegates, a presidential convention centre for 300 presidents, a theatre, banqueting hall, cafés and restaurants. Visitors would be able to go up the Kind Angel in a lift and inside its head there would be a cafe with panoramic views of the area.
The complex will cost about €100 million and would be built on 52 donums of Church-owned land that would be leased to the project owners – a Russian charity organisation known as the International Club of Philanthropists and Patrons of Europe, which was established in Kyproulla in 2009.
The project will have the full blessing of Archbishop Chrys, a big hero of the Club and renowned philanthropist. Asked by Politis what he thought about the project, Chrys said it was of no interest to the Church.
“The company approached us and asked us if we would rent the plot of land and we said ‘with pleasure’ if you pay rent,” Chrys told the paper. He would have asked for money if the land would have been used to build orphanages, let alone a philanthropic conference centre with world’s biggest and kindest angel.
SADLY, a quick read through the International Club’s website, would dash the proud Mongroulians’ hopes of their village becoming the site of a world landmark.
These guys who are going to spend 100 million euro on a project could not afford to hire someone who could speak English to write the text on their website. They make Comrade Tof’s English seem scholarly by comparison.
The purpose of the Club, according to the website, “is conduction of ambitious public projects in the field of charity, peacemaking, cultural and humanitarian cooperation between the people, which are intended to declare the principles of Mercy and Creation.”
Under the heading, “Create kindness is the main principle of civilized society,” we are informed that “Sociologists argue that the degree of activity of private and corporate philanthropic activities demonstrates the integrity and harmonious development of society… In Europe, philanthropy is a topical and popular social phenomenon and has consistently shown robust and successful business. In the twenty-first century the tradition of philanthropy and charity in Europe received a new development.”
And Kyproulla received a new development of scam artists, who will also be offering a ‘Club Philanthropic Card’ (Visa) which will “ensure maximum recognition of the brand ‘Kind Angel of the World’ and will contribute to the positive image of this historical public initiative.”
MY GUESS is that the Philanthropists were hoping to appeal to Chrys’ philanthropy and get a few million in funding for their historical initiative from him. It just shows what a bunch of naive amateurs they are.
They give him the full Arslikhan treatment on the website, wetting themselves over the “spiritual patronage” of Chrys. “Historic stage in the development of the International Club of Philanthropists and Patrons of Europe was the Highest Blessing and support of the Primate of the Orthodox Church of Cyprus His Beatitude Archbishop of Nova Justiniana and All Cyprus Chrysostomos II.”
His Beatitude “is an author of the historical conception of creation of the Monumental Ensemble ‘Angel – the Keeper of Kindness and Piece(sic)’ in Cyprus”. In October 2010 the Club awarded Chrys the Golden Badge of ‘Honorary Patron and Benefactor of the World’.
There is a picture of Chrys with three of the Philanthropists, who look like dodgy, former petty officials of the Soviet communist party from the steppes of Uzbekistan – not the kind of people you would ask to issue you a Visa card.
And how stupid were they to think the Arslikhan treatment would persuade a sly fox like Chrys to part with his moollah for the sake of some statue? If you want additional confirmation of the stupidity go to www.philanthrop.ru
IF FLATTERY is to be used as a tool for securing funding it should be directed at a person who is open to it like our comrade president. Flattery from a Russian organisation would win presidential favour in seconds because the comrade worships mother Russia.
He expressed his total devotion to Russia last weekend, addressing the Sixth Cyprus Russia Festival in Limassol. “Contact between our people is very important because we are culturally and historically very close as societies,” he revealed. “The relationship is strong because it is based on mutually accepted, humanistic principles and values.”
And ties would only get stronger. “I am convinced that strengthening of ties between the Russian and the Cypriot people serves the highest and noblest ideals and is to the benefit of the fundamental interests of the two peoples.”
I bet our bankers, accountants, lawyers and developers would confirm this.
THE SPEECH would not have been complete, without the comrade expressing his gratitude to mother Russia. “I would like to repeat from this podium that we are very grateful to the Soviet Union and the Russian Federation for the unwavering and continuing support for the struggle of the Cypriot people.”
He forgot to thank Tsarist Russia for creating the conditions for the emergence of the Soviet Union, to which we are also very grateful for giving our great leader a solid education in economic mismanagement.
SERBIA’S Prime Minister Mirko Cvetcovic arrived on an official visit to Kyproulla earlier this week. Serbia has set its sights on EU membership but our comrade leader thought it wise to warn Cvetcovic about the downside of joining the Union.
“On substance, I can tell you with great sincerity and friendliness that the EU is no family of angels. Issues there are also dealt with, based on interests,” he told Cvetcovic.
In this respect the EU is the very opposite of the Soviet Union, a family of kind angels that based all its decisions on high principle, at the expense of its interests. And anyone who thought differently won a free holiday in a gulag.
DIKO’S apostates were expelled from the Party last Tuesday, which meant that we had to be subjected to yet another public sermon on political morality by the holier than thou Marios Lafazayian, who just cannot get over losing the House presidency, his chauffeur-driven limo, his big expense account and 14-strong army of bodyguards.
But why are we being made to suffer with him? Why doesn’t he visit a shrink who could help him get over his sense of loss and betrayal? The shrink might do us all a favour and suggest other ways for Marios to mourn about the presidency other than public moralising. He could also help him overcome his genuine grief at the loss of his importance.
SPEAKING of shrinks, we were very happy to see that crazy psychiatrist Yiangos Mikellides has recovered adequately from his serious illness and resumed writing his weekly column in Politis. We wish him all the best, even though he has had to give up his 80 cigarettes a day habit, while at the Limassol rehabilitation centre. Maybe in next week’s column he could offer some advice that would help Marios the morose moralist deal with the tragic loss he suffered.
FEARING that July’s meeting in Geneva with UN Chief Ban Ki-moon may have some unpleasant surprises in store for us – like the imposition of asphyxiating time-frames and the calling of a five-party conference – the comrade president decided to engage in cunning pre-emptive diplomacy.
As soon as Ban announced his decision to seek a second term as Secretary-General, our government declared that it would back him. We were the first country in the world to do so, and we hope this would turn out to be a useful bargaining tool on July 7. If it fails he could heed the advice of the philanthropist Archbishop who came up with a brilliant idea for securing a settlement.
“If we do not raise the stakes, to just a little below the unachievable but a lot higher than the achievable, the Turks will not give a solution.”
TWO MASSIVE signs outside the Wagamama restaurant in Nicosia advertise a ‘Noodle Festival’ with all noodle dishes at the bargain price of €7.50, from Monday to Friday. Considering this an attractive price I went in to buy a portion to take away.
I ordered ‘Ginger Chicken Udon’ and the waitress asked if I wanted to pay, so I said ‘yes’. But the ‘Noodle Festival’ appeared to have been suspended in my case, because I was charged €9.40 for the dish I ordered, which was the price listed on the menu.
“Excuse me, you advertise all noodle dishes at 7.50, but you have charged me 9.40, is there some mistake?” I asked the English-speaking waitress. “No, this is take-away, and offer is only for eating here,” she informed me. “But your advertisement outside the building, does not say anything about take-away.”
She just shrugged her shoulders as she took the money and went off to bring my change, making it clear she felt I was more of a nuisance than a paying customer, perfectly entitled to feel pissed off with the misleading advertisement.
After about 10 minutes a man brought me my order and I asked if he was the manager. He said ‘yes’, so I thought this would be the right man complain to. I told him that the restaurant’s advertising was misleading, because it did not mention that the special price did not apply to take-away orders.
“Sorry, but in all our advertising we mention that the offer is for dining in,” he said with an air of superiority. “Well that’s not what it says on the signs outside your restaurant, which is what I saw and came in,” I said. “This how it is,” he said arrogantly, unable to acknowledge that I may have had a point.
There was certainly not going to be an apology, which is all I had hoped for, from the sour-faced manager with the Eastern European customer relations skills. The way he was looking at me he made me feel that I should apologise for my mistake in taking seriously the big sign outside his restaurant and not having heard or seen the other ads.
“Well you are misleading people with your advertising sign,” I told him and walked out, thinking that for me, Wagamama’s promise of, ‘positive eating + positive living’ equalled a totally negative experience.
AFTER an absence of a couple of months, the miserable moaner, Glafcos Hadjimourmouris was back on the airwaves ranting and raving about another imaginary injustice against his blood-sucking public parasites. The spark was provided by a report in Phil which claimed the parasites would receive zero pay-rises for two years.
He went ballistic. The parasites, he said, would still move up the pay-scales (about 2.75 per cent increase) and collect CoLA (about 2 per cent). No other concession would be made, unless the government taxed wealth. His orders were immediately obeyed by the government. A press report yesterday claimed that big property-owners would be taxed and high-earning parasites would contribute a small amount from their salary to raise the €35m that the government hoped to cut off the public sector pay-roll.
With Hadjiklamouris running the country, state bankruptcy is assured.
