I would like to say I was there on Friday, but sadly I did not get an invite. I was one of the 34 million Brits watching at least part of it on the BBC, at a BBQ at an exclusive South London location. It may have been exclusive but it was also fabulously tacky, in very British style. There was the enormous commemorative William and Catherine flag, tacked up on the pebble dash at back of the house, the CW (rather than WC) royal wedding cake, the Kiss Me Kate, royal wedding beers from Morrisons, several jugs of Pimms and the homemade union jack pavlova, as well as the bunting, the golden jubilee tray and the sausages on the barbeque.
Before the party, I had to stop watching the BBC. It was so irritatingly snooty and condescending. It started with a mention of the sight of David Beckham in the Abbey as ‘incongruous’. Well, maybe not so incongruous, they said, the Abbey is traditionally a place for the common people. But then, Kate herself comes from a long line of commoners, (emphasis on common), only two generations back to that coal-mining village in Durham. And we all know that people from up north are all very common. I don’t know where Carole Middleton comes from originally, but she wouldn’t look out of place in that fabulous reality TV show, The Only Way is Essex….
The BBC told us that the Middletons were ‘remarkably’ discreet over the break up of the relationship between Kate and Wills and have as yet not divulged any state secrets. Why remarkable? Presumably because common people, especially those with roots from up north, find it difficult to keep their traps shut. But on the upside, Kate looked amazing, as did her sister in their Sarah Burton (Alexander McQueen) dresses. And quite frankly on the style front, did a lot better than the long line of ridiculous meringues and dull flouncy dresses that the aristocracy have chosen for royal weddings in the past. But while the BBC was doing its best to say how lovely Prince Andrew’s daughters looked and how well they wore a hat, the whole nation was thinking they looked ridiculous, just like the ugly sisters in their outrageously loud fancy dress outfits.
ITV and the terrestrial channels only got about 1% of viewing figures apparently. But I thought they did a much better job, much more low brow and in keeping with the new common approach of the royals. It was all about how good Carole Middleton’s legs were looking for her age etc etc. They stopped short of talking about the odds on how long the marriage will last but I hear that book-makers are offering 8/1 that WC won’t still be married on their tenth anniversary. But let’s not be churlish. We all love a royal wedding spectacle and do it so well, (apart from one friend who refused to watch and sent me a message saying: ‘hope you enjoyed the parasites’ wedding and attendant drivel). The new look widening participation and socially inclusive monarchy appears to be the most stylish and entertaining yet.
