It is no longer seen as unusual for older women to date younger men. BEJAY BROWNE meets some women proud to date guys young enough to be their son
As the acceptable boundaries of relationships become less defined, what may have been incomprehensible to the establishment just decades ago is now becoming more common. For generations, an older man with a younger girl hanging off his arm has been slapped on the back and congratulated by his peers, but the same couldn’t be said for an older woman dating a younger man. But all that is changing.
It’s no longer just toy boys who are lauded but the older women who accompany them – known as cougars – too. The women have been brought to the fore by shows like American sitcom Cougar Town, and celebrity relationships such as that between Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher.
And while Hollywood does not always reflect real life, cougars are apparently rampant in Paphos with a supply of more than enough young beefcake happy to fulfill their needs.
“I describe myself as a Cougar and I’m proud of it. I see nothing wrong with an older woman dating a younger man,” says British expat Helen, 53. She is a glamorous, voluptuous blonde, and has been dating 27-year-old Romanian Michael for the past seven months.
“Men have been seeing younger women for years; I don’t really see the difference,” adds 60-year-old Janet. The attractive brunette looks younger than her years and she partly credits this to her penchant for younger men. “I love being around younger guys, they help me to stay young. Why grow old gracefully when you can do it disgracefully?” she chuckles.
Helen moved to Paphos nine years ago with her husband when he retired. He was 20 years older than her and while no-one thought that odd she finds a lot of people are still opposed to women having a boyfriend 20 years her junior. “It seems to work for me, but for a lot of people it doesn’t seem quite right for the ladies to do it.”
Also having married a man many years her senior, Janet adds: “I know lots of people will judge my lifestyle, but it’s my choice and I don’t feel I’m doing anything wrong.”
Janet adds: “After a cancer scare, I reassessed my life and decided to see the world. I saw many countries and met some wonderful people and I realised how sheltered my life had been. I also began to explore my sexuality and finally felt comfortable with myself for the first time in my life”.
Helen draws the line at dating anyone under 25 and says she now feels she is starting to live her life again. “To me a Cougar is a woman in her 50s and they hunt in packs. The younger men are referred to as cubs.”
And she says there are hundreds of young men, mostly Cypriot, in Paphos looking for older women. “I stay away from the Cypriots though, because most of them are married, they are only looking for sex and they begrudge buying you as much as a cup of coffee.” Most of the other ‘cubs’ come from Romania, Poland, Russia, Syria and Lebanon, she says. “They are all fit, with muscles and gorgeous.”
There’s no shortage of men wanting to take out the mature blonde: Helen says she has nine or ten men hot on Michael’s heels. “Michael came to do some work for me and one day we went on a date, that was about seven months ago. He says I blew his mind and he regards our situation as a relationship, but I’m far more casual about the whole thing.”
Helen’s own son is 29, two years older than her lover, and the pair are off to the UK to stay with him in a few weeks. “My son doesn’t know how close we are, but I’m going to tell him before we arrive. I think he will be fine with it, he was the one encouraging me to start dating.”
Michael’s family also accepts the situation. His mother describes Helen as ‘a nice lady who he should hang on to’. “His 23-year-old brother asked him to get him a lady just like me,” she adds.
Apart from the obvious, Helen explains what the young men get out of dating older women. “We’re glamorous, intelligent, experienced and laid back. Cougars don’t chase young men and are not after a wedding ring, or starting a family.
“We’re no hassle to them, we’re not pushing them into being someone they don’t want to be. I think younger women make the mistake of trying to mould men into something that they want and we don’t do that.”
But Helen insists while Michael might tell her constantly that he loves her, she doesn’t see a future for the relationship. “In the long term I’m looking for somebody who also stimulates me intellectually. I was happy with my husband and he’s a hard act to follow.”
Janet agrees that the rules for cougars are different. “I don’t usually see people for more than a few months, and if I feel they are getting attached to me, I stop the relationship. I’m not stupid, I know there isn’t a future for me with these guys, but I’m enjoying myself.”
And to her critics Helen says, “Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it.”
