OUR DISREPUTABLE establishment would like to officially complain about the blatantly, discriminatory treatment it suffered during the comrade presidents news conference last Tuesday.
He attacked television and radio stations for their totally negative coverage of everything the government did and accused them of brain-washing people, he slammed Antenna TV for being totally biased against the government and he disagreed with the treatment of the tooth implant attorney by Politis which he labeled cannibalism.
But he said absolutely nothing bad about the Coffeeshop. Why? We have been totally biased against his commie government from the day he was elected, but we were not mentioned once, during the news conference? How could he ignore us so heartlessly, pretending we did not exist?
We think we have contributed significantly to the brain-washing of people as we have always focused exclusively on the comrades cock-ups and never said anything even slightly positive about him since before he became president. Such a perfect record merited some public recognition from the president on TV.
Antenna may have brainwashed a lot more people than our establishment, but we painted a much blacker picture of the government, over a longer period than the TV station, which is why we feel the sense of injustice so intensely.
THE LACK of recognition for our role in undermining the comrade president has caused incalculable damage to our reputation as an anti-communist, anti-Akelite, anti-mukhtar, anti-union, pro-neoliberal, pro-West, pro-NATO, pro-gambling establishment.
Potential customers, who are unaware of our bias and prejudice, could stay away, thus negatively affecting our business. We have decided to respond to the unprovoked presidential snub, by writing only positive things about the comrade and his government.
And well see how he would like receiving a positive press from a far-right establishment that all self-respecting commies, socialists and trade unionists hate.
YOU HAD to feel sympathy for our charismatic and handsome leader, during his televised news conference, when he was bombarded with despicably uncomfortable questions by hostile hacks, following the instructions of nasty TV bosses who hate his people-friendly policies, aimed at helping poor pensioners and not-so-poor public parasites.
During the news conference, he increasingly looked like a wounded animal trapped by a bloodthirsty pack of wolves, intent on inflicting maximum pain before moving in for the kill. His sound arguments and recounting of all the wonderful things he had done for us and for social justice did nothing to stop the wolves vicious attacks.
By the end it was impossible for him to hide the hurt and disappointment he felt, by the shabby treatment. All that the comrade wants is to be loved, but the scheming TV bosses, together with the devious Central Bank governor have poisoned the peoples minds and have turned them against the man whose only thought is how to improve the lives of his subjects.
But even the kodjakares*, who have been eating with the golden spoon thanks to the higher pensions, are ungrateful, complaining that the monthly payment was not enough. As the caring leader explained, this was because the kodjakari, brainwashed by TV, was also shopping for her daughter.
It is a tragedy that the presidents generosity inspires greed and ingratitude instead of feelings of love and affection, which he yearns.
*KODJKARI (plural kodjakares) is an old woman. A composite Turkish word, which is used in the Cypriot dialect, especially in villages; never used in polite society as it is considered crude. Normally it is used to refer to an old woman when she is not present or is deaf.
The comrade used it on Tuesday night, but in the transcript of the news conference, issued by the government it referred to a gria which is the proper Greek word for old woman. He had been censored by the PIO, which did not approve of the use of kodjakari. The PIO had also removed the adjective he had used from the transcript elderly which was not a bad idea as there are not too many young kodjakares around.
BY FAR THE smartest thing the comrade said on Tuesday was to report the shabby behaviour of the former minister, now in opposition, who had signed up for unemployment benefit as soon as he left his post.
The only problem was that his brainless advisors not the presidents fault he trusts idiots – had not done their homework and when challenged, the government gave the name of a DISY deputy who had not gone on the dole. It subsequently searched social insurance records, but could not find an opposition politician, who criticised the government on a daily basis and had collected unemployment benefit in the past, as the comrade had claimed.
Having failed to back his claim with anything resembling evidence, our great leader issued a written apology. He said I sincerely apologise for the unfortunate reference, and then revealed something we would never have guessed. I am one of those people who, when they commit a mistake, both as a man and as a leader, I make a habit of engaging in self-criticism.
So now, apart from the daily criticism from TV, radio stations, political parties and the Central Bank Governor that he complained about he will have to deal with criticism from himself as well. And I bet the self-criticism will be much harsher, because he is one of those people.
THE SINCERE apology, many have said, was made in order to put an end to the controversy, which is threatening the Cyprob negotiations, now that we are only a few years away from a deal.
The rumours circulating are that a member of the Tof government had actually collected unemployment benefit, after leaving his ministerial post. The name being heard is that of presidential advisor, Yiorkos Iacovou, the only one of the suspects mentioned, that has not issued a public denial.
On Tuesday when referring to the dole minister, our great leader said: I call on the man who did this to come out and say it and apologise This made a very bad impression on me and if he was a minister who belonged to our government I would sack him. I say this in absolute honesty. These things are unacceptable.
For the sake of the settlement of the Cyprob, I pray that Iacovou has not collected unemployment benefit; and if he did this unacceptable thing, the president must not be told because he was absolutely honest when he said he would sack his own minister.
But what if Yiorkos obeys his leaders call, to come out and say it and apologise? What would our absolutely honest leader do then?
HE COULD blame the Governor of the Central Bank, as he blamed him for everything that was wrong with the economy high interest rates, the over-exposure of Cypriot banks in Greece and low business confidence.
If the Governor kept his mouth shut, as the president would like, and stuck to his responsibilities, which did not include exercising control over the government, then people would be under the illusion that the economy is in much better shape than it actually is.
The Governor is a US-trained neo-liberal and does not realise that he does not have the same target for the economy as our leader, who would not be shedding any tears if our market economy collapsed tomorrow. This is the objective of his economic policy, so it is wrong to criticise his decisions from a neo-liberal perspective.
We are moving closer to the collapse of capitalism, which means the governments policy is going according to plan.
THE MORAL grandstanding at the news conference, I regret to say, did not work out for our beleaguered leader. Yesterday Phil carried a damning report about the comrade. It said that five months after his election, he demanded in writing that he was paid a daily expense allowance when he was abroad, like all other state officials.
None of his predecessors received such an allowance, because when they travelled abroad all the presidential expenses travel, accommodation and food were covered either by the host country or the Republic. He received a positive reply to his request and was paid all the expense allowances for days spent abroad retroactively.
His critics would say that this was cheap and shabby behaviour from someone who was paid a net salary of 150,000 per year, but they would not have heard what he said at the news conference.
I play host to a lot of people. When you see Kellaki (his dacha) and say it has become a hospitality centre for presidents, it is at my expense. I find it beneath me to ask the state for money for these things. I try to set an example on these issues. The power of the good example set by the leader is of huge importance. We rest our case
THE MISERABLE, sour-faced leader of PASYDY, Glafkos Hadjiklamouris was back in the news this week, claiming that he had a list of names of tax evaders. There were 25 people on the list and they supposedly owed the Inland Revenue Department a total of 26 million, he said.
Hadjimourmouris made his revelations on Thursday but our great leader referred to the list on Tuesday, when pointing out that he had to give in to PASYDYs blackmail on taxing the rich, in order to persuade the charmless one to be less intransigent when negotiating parasitic privileges.
Our leaders compassionate softly-softly approach towards his bullying overlord has clearly not worked. On Friday the miserable one vetoed the government decision to cut 35m from the state payroll, this year and the next, as PASYDY had never been consulted.
He said, I never said I would give 70 million, as if it was his to give. Hadjimourmouris should be holding news conferences about the economy and not the poor old comrade, who just executes the orders of the repulsive union boss.
SORRY THAT the whole Coffeeshop was taken up by the presidential news conference, but we hope to resume normal services next Sunday. There will be another presidential news conference this week, focusing on the Cyprob, but we expect it to be a much more straightforward affair than last Tuesdays, as the president could blame all his failings on Turkey and the Governor of the Central Bank.
