By Hermes Solomon
TODAY IS the shortest day of the year – sunrise at around 7 am and sunset around 4.30 pm. That’s a total of nine and a half sunshine hours – more than adequate to supply central heating and hot water to the average household via the latest solar panel technology.
Last Sunday Mail’s article (The power of a battery operated Cyprus) by Austrian ambassador to Cyprus, Dr Karl Mueller, read like a pipe dream.
Interestingly, comments on the website failed to support his dream or even suggest alternatives.
Commentators were so immersed in their own disgruntlement with Cyprus, its government, politicians, etc. that they shunned constructive criticism in favour of cynicism, anger, insults and rage aimed at those responsible for the ‘mangled’ state of the republic’s economy.
Disaffection with the republic was the only growth industry this year. I am myself guilty of taking part and realise that the republic cannot be downtrodden interminably lest it be swallowed up by the quicksand of invective rather than rise from the ashes on thermals of our minister of finance’s eternal optimism.
Predictions for 2015 might read: International political pressure applied from all sides on a man who recently underwent open heart surgery (akin to kicking him when down) proves that politics is a dirty business in which compassion plays no part.
The Cyprob fails to escape stasis as easily as it did over the last 40 years.
Nobody votes for “poor invaded Kyproulla” nor sings a song at the EU (or UN) Song Contest. Just a pat on the knee from John Kerry for Cyprus’ last hope, Anastassiades at the mercy of a DIKO orchestrated chaos.
Convalescing president smiles condescendingly, accepting offers of settlement to Cyprob he’s unable to refuse rather than fight to re-enforce the republic’s rights.
President announces BRICS will now be BRICKS (K for Kyproulla) with HQ in Paphos to make up for loss of City of Culture party.
Vergas let off jail for buying a time share in Cy-Air for 6 million euros – ISIS buys controlling interest with right to fly usual routes, including over Akrotiri.
Christofias and Prince Nik ‘fall in love’ to eliminate DIKO leader from ‘pig trough’ and wreck plans of the ‘Oily Ones’ to save poor and honest little Kyproulla before she is irremediably “undone”.
Averof Neophytou, hailed by theatre critics as the Cypriot Marty Feldman, offered lead role in New Vic production of Much ado about nothing
Harris Georgiades buys a mansion in Monaco after foreclosure bill passed.
Middle Class tax revolt fills stadium with volunteer prisoners abandoning NPL houses.
Road to Central Prison jammed with 50,000 protesters waving empty wallets and cheque books.
Dealing in Bank of Cyprus shares halted on Nicosia and Athens stock exchanges as pre-crash shareholders use worthless ‘bits of paper’ to set House of Reps alight.
Local dustbin charge, water and property tax inexplicably double, while IPT state tax remains unaltered.
The number of cars on roads declines dramatically as fuel price falls below one euro a litre.
Bicycles become primary means of transport, a throwback to the 1950s.
Greece leaves the Eurozone and Cyprus follows as repeated general strikes hand over seats of power to the far left – in our case, 94-year-old DrVassos Lyssarides assisted by 84-year-old George Vassiliou!
Households stock up with pasta as fiat currencies collapse and the price of wheat soars from 250 to 2000 dollars per metric ton on commodity markets.
Precious metal prices fall to all-time lows to stop China and India from taking over the planet.
Cyprus tourism relies uniquely on British holidaymakers as skimpily dressed Russians sporting Rolexes are seen begging on the streets of Limassol.
More shops and hotels than ever close down and are replaced by soup kitchens serving trachanas and avgolemeno 24/7.
After introduction of National Health Scheme, hospitals close down as online quack remedies claim to cure arthritis with rosehip syrup as well as Cypriot kleptomaniacs of bribery and corruption with specious threats of long term prison sentences.
Eni-Kogas Onasagorou drill-hole reveals six times the find of Aphrodite – Turkish navy seals off the area.
The republic sends our two patrol boats to within 20 nautical miles of Onasagoras – Greece intervenes, insisting we let Turkey take 37 per cent of the gas.
Breakdown of this, the first republic (France had five in less than 140 years) when settlement of Cyprob achieved by rewriting the constitution; permanent partition, the north becoming a tax haven for mainland Turkey and the south a tax hell for Greek Cypriots.
President steps down and is replaced provisionally by the Speaker of the House, Yianakis Omirou, who calls a general election.
Nobody votes at these elections when the Cyprus Football Federation (politics running a very poor second to football) is added to endless list of those accused of malfeasance.
Sewage works in Paphos completed with outlet terminating at auditor general’s office.
Judges and courthouse staff go on indefinite strike due to insalubrious working conditions.
Auditor general resigns, his final statement to the press ending with the phrase, “Good bye Pepsi-Cola…” which translates as, “I’ve had enough of this island of liars, thieves and cheats…” he paraphrasing historian, Elias of Pesaro’s letter dated at Famagusta on 18 October, 1563.
Fellow Cypriots, ask not what you can do for your country, but how you can continue ‘doing’ your country!
May readers of the Sunday Mail enjoy a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year, ‘cos next year is going to be a year to remember!
