I was told that it might be so bad that it was good. Well, I’ve heard that one before, and it is not true. In fact it’s not so bad that it’s good, it is just so, so bad, it’s unwatchable. A character in a novel that I am reading at the moment says, “life’s too short to listen to Leonard Cohen’s songs”, but he knows he doesn’t like them anyway, because he’s not impressed by the people who do like them. Personally, I am not a fan of Leonard Cohen either, but that is beside the point. As for this film, I have no idea who would like it but, whoever they are, I am not impressed by them. In my humble opinion, life is far too short to be wasting time watching movies like this!
In case you are still interested, this is a sci-fi disaster movie set in Moscow. It involves three young Americans, an Australian and a Swedish guy trying to escape the devastation left when a bunch of naked, transparent zombies attack the earth via its electrical power supply.
Weird, cloud-like balls of fire drop from the sky, dogs evaporate into thin air and suddenly everyone is dead (if only!). My daughter refused to watch it with me but told me that she could guarantee that only two of the five would survive and they would fall in love. I won’t spoil it by telling you whether or not that really happens. My 13-year-old son told me he had heard that it was really scary. Presumably he heard this from his 13-year-old mates, the ones who are nearly wetting themselves at the prospect of visiting the London Dungeon. I don’t believe even they would find it scary.
It starts when two young American dot.com entrepreneurs (Emile Hirsch and Max Minghella) arrive in Mos-cow, (pronounced ‘ow’ as in ‘cow’ or ‘ow’ that really hurts), to seal a deal, get done over by the Russians and the Swede, meet two pretty girls (Olivia Thirlby and Rachael Taylor) in a nightclub and then find themselves in a zombie-infested hell.
After four days in hiding, with nothing to eat I might add, they still have the energy to head out for the great escape, if only they can get to the US embassy first. Clearly, they believe they will get some help there, as the Americans are the only ones who would have an exit strategy from the zombie warfare in Mos-cow. Will they make it? Will the embassy still be standing? Will there be anyone alive? Does anyone care?
The soundtrack is a kind of Dr Who meets Teletubbies and the special effects totally underwhelming. The main actors are reasonably attractive to look at but the acting is wooden and the dialogue even worse. “Teamwork makes the dream work”. “Non-douche bag agreement.” “Anyone speak Russian? Only what he learnt in Rocky IV”. “Don’t open the door.” “Oh my God, they’re everywhere.” If this is the kind of script that will keep you on the edge of your seat for 90 minutes, then go for it. Personally, I would give it a swerve; even my kids said they would rather spend an afternoon doing homework after watching the trailers. It really is miserable. I was told that it might be so bad that it was good. Well, I’ve heard that one before, and it is not true. In fact it’s not so bad that it’s good, it is just so, so bad, it’s unwatchable. A character in a novel that I am reading at the moment says, “life’s too short to listen to Leonard Cohen’s songs”, but he knows he doesn’t like them anyway, because he’s not impressed by the people who do like them. Personally, I am not a fan of Leonard Cohen either, but that is beside the point. As for this film, I have no idea who would like it but, whoever they are, I am not impressed by them. In my humble opinion, life is far too short to be wasting time watching movies like this!
In case you are still interested, this is a sci-fi disaster movie set in Moscow. It involves three young Americans, an Australian and a Swedish guy trying to escape the devastation left when a bunch of naked, transparent zombies attack the earth via its electrical power supply.
Weird, cloud-like balls of fire drop from the sky, dogs evaporate into thin air and suddenly everyone is dead (if only!). My daughter refused to watch it with me but told me that she could guarantee that only two of the five would survive and they would fall in love. I won’t spoil it by telling you whether or not that really happens. My 13-year-old son told me he had heard that it was really scary. Presumably he heard this from his 13-year-old mates, the ones who are nearly wetting themselves at the prospect of visiting the London Dungeon. I don’t believe even they would find it scary.
It starts when two young American dot.com entrepreneurs (Emile Hirsch and Max Minghella) arrive in Mos-cow, (pronounced ‘ow’ as in ‘cow’ or ‘ow’ that really hurts), to seal a deal, get done over by the Russians and the Swede, meet two pretty girls (Olivia Thirlby and Rachael Taylor) in a nightclub and then find themselves in a zombie-infested hell.
After four days in hiding, with nothing to eat I might add, they still have the energy to head out for the great escape, if only they can get to the US embassy first. Clearly, they believe they will get some help there, as the Americans are the only ones who would have an exit strategy from the zombie warfare in Mos-cow. Will they make it? Will the embassy still be standing? Will there be anyone alive? Does anyone care?
The soundtrack is a kind of Dr Who meets Teletubbies and the special effects totally underwhelming. The main actors are reasonably attractive to look at but the acting is wooden and the dialogue even worse. “Teamwork makes the dream work”. “Non-douche bag agreement.” “Anyone speak Russian? Only what he learnt in Rocky IV”. “Don’t open the door.” “Oh my God, they’re everywhere.” If this is the kind of script that will keep you on the edge of your seat for 90 minutes, then go for it. Personally, I would give it a swerve; even my kids said they would rather spend an afternoon doing homework after watching the trailers. It really is miserable.
DIRECTED BY Chris Gorak
STARRING Emile Hirsch, Olivia Thirlby and Max Minghella
US 2011 89mins
