ANY LINGERING doubts about our Archbishop’s wisdom will have evaporated on Friday after his two-hour meeting with youths from all social backgrounds, at which he unveiled his genius political plan for the salvation of Kyproulla and Mega TV.
In December, after the municipal elections, Archbishop Chrys said he would “present a settlement plan that would be very brief so that ordinary folk could understand it.” He ruled out the bi-zonal, bi-communal federation, because “if there is a federal settlement it is impossible we would go to a federation.”
He explained: “Turkey, at least now, is not ready to give the right solution to the Cyprus problem; it wants two states. It doesn’t want partition either, it wants two states.” He did not explain the difference between partition and a two-state solution, but he did give an indication of the settlement plan he had in mind.
“We have to set up the right State, in which the majority will govern and the minority would be protected.” Why did nobody think about this perfect solution all these years? Well our politicians do not have Chrys’ brains nor his genius ability of turning God’s will to our political advantage.
ONLY Chrys realised that “the gift sent to us by God, the gas, oil etc” could be used to solve the Cyprob fairly. The divine gift “would even make the Turkish Cypriots rise up, rebel, and we must help them kick out the Turkish troops and the settlers.”
When the gas-and-oil-greedy TCs start their war of liberation against Turkey so they could become a protected minority in the right State, the Church will give them guns, money and arrange Nato air-strikes as well. It is really very simple, as is Chrys.
And before anyone claims there were holes in this cunning liberation strategy, we must mention that the ultra-smart Archbishop also announced a plan to ensure that we would have a president who could implement his plans.
The search for the right president also begins in December. Chrys will invite the people, after consulting the politicians, to propose “100 to 150 correct people who would have nothing against them, so we could choose five or 10 as candidates and then tell the people, ‘you choose your candidate’.”
He would arrange for some 10,000 people to vote and the person with the most votes would be the Church’s presidential candidate in 2013. I am very interested in being a candidate, but I do not know if I am a ‘correct’ man. Would the fact I swear a lot when driving and playing tavli be held against me and rule me out? When I was at school I pinched a girl’s bottom, but nobody knows.
THE ARCHBISHOP, I am happy to hear, also confirmed last week’s report that Greece’s Mega TV channel would no longer be involved in the running of Mega TV in Cyprus, in which it had a 25 per cent stake. The Greeks walked out after rejecting Chrys’ demand that he became the Cyprus station’s news boss.
He said on Friday that the Church of Cyprus would take over the management of Mega TV “so that the voice of the Church could be heard by the people.” There is one minor flaw in his plan. TV channels run by priests are indescribably boring (remember Logos TV), so how would the voice of the Church be heard, when nobody is tuning in?
The station could broadcast in Turkish, encouraging the Turkish Cypriots to rebel against Turkey and liberate the north for us.
THE PUBLIC threats and bullying by Turkey’s Prime Minister Erdogan, putting into practice his government’s philosophy of ‘zero problems with its neighbours’ must have been music to the ears of the comrade president.
The old enemy came to his rescue by deflecting attention away from him at a time he looked to be cracking up from the vicious, domestic attacks he was under. With the mad Turk blackmailing us and threatening to destroy our drilling installations, people might forget the Mari blast and the comrade’s cowardly performance in front of the Pol Pol committee on Monday.
It appears that Erdogan, regarded as a bully and a thug by many Turkish hacks, decided he could no longer suppress his aggressive, kick-ass instincts for the sake of the ‘soft power’ advocated by his fox-like foreign minister Davutoglu. He also fired a broadside against our potential energy partner Israel, threatening to use his warships against it.
The threats may have come as temporary relief for the beleaguered Tof but now he will be faced with another serious issue he would be unable to take a decision about. He could always delegate the matter to one of his ministers and ask to be kept in the dark about the decision taken so he would have no political responsibility, if anything goes wrong.
You can’t be too cautious in the cut-throat business of being president.
MUCH GOOD caution did the comrade in the case of the Mari explosion. Even though everyone else was to blame for the killer blast, he ended up being burdened with responsibility, just because he was the president.
He could be blamed for not giving a damn about what was going on in the country, of not showing an interest in the decisions taken by his ministers, of not following up the orders he gave, of not reading ministerial memos or minutes of meetings, but to claim he had any responsibility for something he made sure he knew nothing about is far-fetched and grossly unfair.
I bet when anyone tried to talk to him about the containers he put his hands over his ears and started making chicken noises so that he would be unable to hear anything they were saying. This was the ‘cheated husband government policy’ which he mentioned to Pol Pol but failed to convince him that, like a cuckold, he was last to know.
BUT EVEN if the comrade was telling the truth, he cut a pathetic figure at the committee, as he happily put all the blame on his associates and appointees, like some low-life police informer, who cares only about himself.
Call me old-fashioned and sexist, but I expect my president to have balls, to stand up like a man and take the rap, for the sake of his colleagues, instead of crudely betraying them and offering them as sacrificial lambs to the authorities to save his own skin.
This establishment has never been a great fan of Marcos Kyp, but at least he had the balls to stand up and take some responsibility, when he appeared before Pol Pol. He will be the fall-guy, but he would still be better regarded than the cowardly comrade.
WE GOT one thing wrong when previewing the comrade’s appearance before the committee. We had predicted he would try to win public sympathy by shedding a few tears. He did not and neither did he blame Nato, the US and Britain for the Mari blast, which was very courageous, under the circumstances.
The tears were shed a few days after his testimony, at a church service in Anthoupolis, organised by the refugees of Dikomo, the comrade’s village. He felt safe to appear in public among his fellow-villagers, who gave him a warm welcome and brought tears to his eyes. The lachrymose comrade opened his heart to them.
He said: “I want to tell you categorically, that I may be sensitive and you may have seen me cry – bad or good, I believe good, I cry easily because I have no malice in me – but I know very well my duty and obligations towards the ordinary man and this ill-fated people whom they are trying to destroy but cannot succeed.”
He did not say who ‘they’ were and why ‘they’ wanted to destroy the ill-fated people. After the soul-baring, he turned into a modern-day Mahatma Ghandi. “I am not here to preach hatred but unity. I am here to send a message of love and unity.”
Nobody does nauseating, cheap sentimentality better than the comrade.
FINANCE minister Kikis Kazamias had promised to submit his second package of measures to the legislature on September 15. The way the unions have been reacti
ng, it is unlikely there would be many cost-cutting measures in the package.
Most of the unions have rejected his suggestions for a two-year freeze on CoLA and a 25 per cent cut in the 13th salary; some have threatened strikes if the government went ahead. AKEL, being the defender of our privileged public sector proletariat, backed the parasites, saying that if there was no consensus no measures could be taken.
Interestingly, while the negotiations were taking place, someone leaked to the press the news that the government had secured a €2.5 billion loan from the Russian government, allowing the unions’ to up their intransigence by several notches. There was no longer a need for more sacrifices by the parasites, they argued.
The rumours circulating are that AKEL leaked the document. But would AKEL have leaked a document if it did not have the go-ahead of the president? Most certainly not and comrade Andros, who is Tof’s poodle, would never have publicly taken a stand against the measures, in the name of consensus, without the sensitive comrade’s approval.
THE ASSURANCE that no measures would be taken without the unions’ consent, was repeatedly given by the man with no malice in him. But would he be undermining his finance minister in such a devious way, or is Kikis part of the farce as well?
Tof undermined his previous finance minister, our friend Charilaos, on countless occasions, and despite his sensitivity and lack of malice he would have no trouble doing the same to Kikis, whom he is not very fond of anyway.
Tof is so desperate to regain some support he would not think twice about keeping the parasites happy, even if this means another downgrading for the economy. Some economists have also claimed that the loan would put our government at the mercy of the Russian government. This is not such a problem as the comrade does exactly what he is told by Moscow anyway; at least we would be earning some money for acting as Russia’s agent in the EU.
NOBEL winner Dr Christoforos Pissarides simply cannot say ‘no’. He is still attending ceremonies in his honour, which have become a bit of a joke.
On Friday he attended an award ceremony organised by the Photos Photiades Scientific and Cultural Foundation and the Photos Photiades Cultural Foundation of Agros.
Today he will be at the Rodon Hotel in Agros to be honoured by the Community Council of Agros, which has always followed developments in labour economic theory and econometrics.
