In the middle of the Inter Milan v Spurs Champions League match the other night, my daughter called to tell me about her new French class. This was just after Spurs mounted their come-back from 4-1 down; Gareth Bale had scored his first fabulous goal and the Spurs fans in the stadium were optimistically chanting, “we’re gonna win 5-4”. It was very exciting and not the time to be discussing French grammar. But then what does she know about football-watching etiquette?
This is a girl who has just joined a local girls’ team at university and was surprised that she was actually expected to run with the ball rather than just stand there and kick people, which is much more fun. Her knowledge of the rules of football is minimal and her knowledge of French grammar is only marginally less impressive. The French thing passed her by at school, so to her credit she is at least trying again at university. But the grammar thing is apparently all very confusing, starting with the question about why do nouns have to be masculine or feminine.
This is a good question. It is not just French of course, many languages insist on this. Some even include a third category or gender, neutral. Just what is the point of grammatical genders, though? They simply add stress when learning a new language without appearing to add any value or richness to the language. And if we analyse them further, what do we find out about which nouns are masculine and which ones feminine? In French, a bed is masculine while the bedding and the house are feminine? Who exactly decided on this particular gender assignment?
I am sure linguists have got plenty of theories about this and how it relates to real gender roles in any society. I am not trying to say that this is sexist language with the impact of words like, ‘bitch’, ‘slut’ or ‘whore’ but let’s face it, why exactly are the sheets that cover the bed feminine while the bed itself is masculine? Is it always women who have to change the sheets or are the female sheets just an accessory to the male bed? I mean honestly, what is all that about and why is it necessary? All nouns should just be neutral, as they are in English. Perhaps the EU should introduce some rule about it.
I am very happy with the fact that nouns are always neutral in my native language. Not only does it make the learning of basic English much simpler, it actually makes sense. This is not to say that there are not linguistic traps in English, which often confuse non-native speakers. All those phrasal verbs for a start. And let’s face it; it would be far more of a social faux pas to talk about ‘getting off with’ someone at a dinner party when you really meant to say you ‘got on with’ someone. This potentially catastrophic misuse of a preposition is far more embarrassing, socially and linguistically, than talking about the ‘la’ bed, when you really should have said ‘le’!
