TODAY I lost my easyJet virginity. At £64.99, it was the cheapest way to get to Athens, but as I discovered no frills is seriously no frills. The advertised fare did not include a checking in suitcase – that’s extra. So I’m travelling light: not unpleasant but there’s a nagging feeling that something vital has been left behind.
The train, more or less, drops you right at the Gatwick South departure gate and with an already printed boarding pass and queueless security, I find myself absurdly early but I have chores to do. Warned about the cost of food and drink on board, I head to Boots and stock up on the £3.49 value meal: three sandwiches, fresh fruit and an apple smoothie. Also pre-warned there’s no entertainment on the three-and-half-hour flight to Athens and no free papers at the gate, I head to Smiths for reading material.
The flight is efficiently on time but the first hurdle to cross is that all the goodies I bought for the flight means I now have officially more than one item of hand luggage. It is obvious at the boarding gate that this is a plane of two halves.
There’s a cheery chap at the one desk, who takes no notice of extra bags or bundles and then the officious ‘rules is rules’ lady checking my queue, who has us all squeezing our duty free shopping into our hand luggage and then showing her, “to prove we have done it”.
We are reduced to primary school kids. “It’s not fair,” whines the elderly Greek lady in front, trying to push a load of Roses chocolates into her bag as she gesticulates to the other queue. She’s right.
We are then ushered into the waiting areas, the ‘paid more and not paid more’. What I had not realised is, with no allocated seat and no seating policy, apart from those who have upgraded with ‘Speedy Boarding’ or paid £99 to join easyJet Plus, as soon as the whistle blows there’s a rugby-style scrum to get a seat. Having been pushed to the back, and almost the last to get on, I find the last remaining seat is in the so-called ‘business’ section.
Like Mr Bean, I’m smug with my ready, if somewhat squashed meal, as the food onboard looks worryingly unappealing and expensive. At €8 for two small beers and €5 for a plastic wrapped toasted sandwich, I am starting to see where they make their profits.
I opt for a bottle of cava at €4.50 from the chirpy orange-shirted steward and do my sums upright – no lean back seats on this journey. If I was to replicate the normal hot meal, bar drinks, coffees and film rental from the ‘pay as you go’ service it would cost over €30, add money for a suitcase and the curious charge to use a debit card and the cheap airline suddenly equals national carriers.
So be warned, cheap is as cheap does, but, hey, the loo is free…
