Did you hear about the Morgans? Mr. Morgan was a New York lawyer, which sounds very hard-boiled but in fact he looked and sounded like Hugh Grant (indeed, he was played by Hugh Grant) so he tended to dither and stammer, and answered even a simple question like “Are you asleep?” with “Very much so, yes”. Mrs. Morgan (Sarah Jessica Parker) was a strange bird, a kind of celebrity real-estate agent – I mean seriously, how often do you see an estate agent on a magazine cover? – though I guess you can make your own rules when you’re Sarah Jessica Parker.
Anyway, they were just getting ready to divorce when they witnessed a murder, so the FBI relocated them to deepest Wyoming for their own protection. Stranded beneath the big Western sky, they were entrusted to the local Sheriff (Sam Elliott) who was very wise indeed – so wise he wore a bushy moustache and spoke curtly, if at all – and learned some valuable lessons about Life and Marriage (just “make it work,” instructed Sam, which sounds simplistic but is actually Very Wise). Little did they know the killer whose handiwork they witnessed was already on their trail. Little did they know they’d start off sneering at this sleepy mountain town but end up beguiled by the salt-of-the-e
Oh all right, why be coy about it? You know and I know what happens at the end of Did You Hear About the Morgans?. The film is a high-concept hybrid of two well-worn genres, the comedy of remarriage and the fish-out-of-water movie, and the only reasons to watch it are the stars – though Grant is starting to lose his fresh-faced sprightliness, and Parker never had much sprightliness to lose in the first place – plus the occasional clever line. Also, of course, the affection bred by familiarity (at least for some people), though it’s actually rare to find such unbridled celebration of conservatism nowadays, Hollywood typically skewing blue in America’s blue-state-red-state divide. The only clichι avoided by the movie is the one where Both Sides Learn Something From Each Other – because the flighty New Yorkers learn something from the God-fearing small-towners but not vice versa, despite a half-hearted attempt to bring Hugh and Sarah’s big-city skills into play (she sells a house; he draws up a will for a local curmudgeon).
Mostly, Morgans is a case of H&S waxing nostalgic for New York – Nobu, Shakespeare in the Park – while their hosts teach them things like horse-riding and sharp-shooting (again, there’s a half-hearted attempt to make these newfound skills relevant in the climax). “Do you hunt?” asks the Sheriff’s wife (Mary Steenburgen). “Only for bargains,” replies flighty Sarah, adding: “Actually, I’m a member of PETA, People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals”. I like that too, counters Mary humorously, only I call it “People Eating Tasty Animals”. Oh, touchι! Score one for the Sarah Palin crowd.
So it goes on. SJP is a vegetarian, but doesn’t cook (“I’ve never even turned my oven on”). She talks too much, can’t even say if she’s left-handed or right-handed without babbling pointlessly, can’t ride a horse and is also infertile (bit of a cheap shot, that). Meanwhile, clumsy Hugh sprays himself with bear repellent and puts out his shoulder trying to shoot a gun. In between, they share a mushy moment, recall their wedding vows, etc, while we intermittently cut to the killer getting ever closer – his approach inevitably timed to coincide with the climax, when the Morgans are almost (but not quite) ready to complete their reconciliation.
Did You Hear About the Morgans? is almost completely disposable – except that it’s actually amusing in spots. Not hilarious, by any means, but (occasionally) funny enough that you won’t feel completely brutalised if you’re roped into going. SJP is an acquired taste, but I smiled when Grant recalled the “woman who chanted over my sperm” – p
