ACCORDING to her inventor, Douglas Hines, triple-x Roxxxy can’t cook or iron but she can do about everything else a man wants. As he coyly told us at the unveiling this week of his life size automaton, her three ‘inputs’ are more sensitive than any real woman’s and she can be programmed to do and be exactly what you want: from shyly playing hard to get, to being a leather clad dominatrix.
Despite the fact that she looks curiously like a dead Chrissie Hynde and her rubber synthetic skin and artificial intelligence must make sex seem like necrophilia, the advance orders are booming.
She can sit on the sofa and watch Match of the Day, she can sleep next to you and gently snore, she responds to touch and apparently can hear you. Oh, yeh? Pull the other one; I didn’t hear Mr Hines say that two of her inputs were ears.
Hard to know what sad losers this Cliff Richard-esque, ‘moving, talking doll’ will appeal to, but I am guessing it will be men with bad breath and personality disorders who can’t actually pull a real woman and are too scared to pay for one.
At around €7,000 it may seem a bargain for unlimited sex and a deep alluring voice telling you, ‘Ooh, I like it when you do that’, but I reckon most men with any decent hunter instinct in them will get bored rigid, or should that be ‘unrigid’ after a few goes.
Ok, so maybe there is fun in customising one exactly to your tastes: voice; skin tones; personality; shape. And, maybe, as Mr Hines rather creepily told us, there will be a whole new world of robot swopping rather than wife swopping, but I found myself asking some rather basic questions about hygiene. I mean how exactly do you keep it clean? Does she take herself off to the shower? And what happens when bits of her fall off? Or her wireless computer malfunctions?
TrueCompanion also offers technical support and various updating programmes, you can even send and receive emails to your ‘girlfriend’ through their website. Hey, so what happens when you find out she’s been cheating on you, sending out multiple emails. Do you gleefully pull her head off? Make her sleep in the spare room? Tell her you don’t love her anymore and she’s a bad, randy robot?
Maybe women will like the new invention and stop having to fake headaches. Maybe, as some predict, our virtual, privatised individualistic future is all about androids pampering our every need, but I don’t think you can compare the pleasure of a hot-blooded real woman to a synthesised silicone breasted babe.
On the other hand, they are developing the well-endowed and ever-ready Rocky for those moments when you just need someone to cuddle up to, watch the ‘X Factor’ with and tell you exactly how wonderful you are… but where’s the fun if you control the remote?
