IT’S THAT time of year when we start working our way into a state of mass hysteria over Turkey’s EU progress report which would not include any sanctions for her failure to implement the Ankara Protocol, also known as the refusal to fulfil her obligations to the EU and Cyprus.
I do not want to sound morbid but our reaction to the progress report saga, has very strong similarities to Dr Kubler-Ross’ five stages of dying and death – denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. OK, in 2006 we jumped from bargaining to acceptance, without going through depression, but that was because we had a very able foreign minister.
We have already gone through the first stage, with the most of our politicians and newspaper scribes insisting that Turkey would not emerge from next month’s European Council unscathed. We remained in denial, even after many of the EU’s top dogs announced that there was no provision for punitive measures in the 2006 decision. “Turkey would not pass unscathed,” was the denial slogan, as it had been three years ago.
This week we entered the anger stage, when the content of the first draft of the progress report, prepared by the Swedish presidency, was made public and included nothing about sanctions. Sweden got the Brit-treatment from furious politicians, who called on the government to take a tough line and block all new negotiation chapters.
A seething Perdikis, instructed the government to drop its illusions and together with Greece prepare for the worst-case scenario. It would be more accurate to say that righteous rage characterised the anger stage.
WE DEVIATE slightly from Dr Kubler-Ross’ theory, because we are dealing with a society and not an individual. Different members of our society enter each stage differently.
Comrade president entered the anger stage before everyone else as his letter to all heads of EU member-state, was sent before the release of the Swedish presidency’s draft, which according to Phil “caressed the Turks”. The letter was pretty abrupt and contained no diplomatic niceties, presumably to emphasise Tof’s rage.
The Disy Fuhrer, in contrast, proved once again that he is ahead of his time, by already entering the bargaining stage. Our smartest politician, suggested a compromise whereby Turkey would be given a grace period of six months to help in the peace talks and to implement the protocol. If the Turks failed to do so by June, we would impose sanctions, or at least go through the five stages of dying again.
DEPRESSION takes over, when the bargaining, at all the different decision-making tiers of the EU, fails to yield any result, and it becomes apparent that our European partners – not just the Brits and Swedes – are not even prepared to give the Turks a gentle smack on the bum, to help our government save face.
And finally, acceptance sets in during the December European Council, when our depressed president finally comes to terms with the fact that our partners are united in not wanting to take any punitive measures against the pampered Turks.
But there, the similarities with Dr Kubler-Ross’ theory end, because after acceptance, there is a happy ending – nobody dies, the president returns home to a villain’s welcome and rest of us look forward to the next time our EU partners will stop us punishing the arrogant Turk.
ALL THIS, could still be proved wrong, because the National Council, which meets later this week, could come up with an ingenious plan to force the European Council to impose sanctions on Turkey and make Patroclos look like a fool.
This is a very remote possibility when you hear what actually happens at National Council meetings. After last week’s meeting, one of the participants confided to a hack that if he had a knife he would have been tempted to commit hara-kiri in front of everyone as an act of protest against the infuriating nonsense that is said during the discussions
“And the worse thing of all,” he said, “is that all the leaders come out and make serious-sounding statements in front of the cameras, giving the impression that we have been having debate about really important matters. Nothing could be further from the truth.”
CONVENIENTLY, the meeting finished just when the evening TV news shows were beginning so all the leaders felt obliged to talk to the waiting camera crews, despite agreeing, at the meeting, not to make any statements to the media.
But none of them was able to resist the temptation when they realised their interview would be broadcast live on the evening news shows. I blame EUROKO leader Demetris Syllouris who was out of the palazzo first and went straight to the waiting cameras.
His associate, deputy Rikkos Erotocritou, showed what a sucker he is for TV exposure by standing next to Syllouris, looking into the void and saying nothing, like a long-suffering wife who can been seen but not heard. His bemused look said more about the meeting than all the fine words uttered by his leader. More significantly, his ears did not flap once during the interview.
MY FAVOURITE National Council couple is Edek’s, featuring leader Yiannakis Omirou and the socialist party’s honorary president for life and beyond, Dr Faustus. “Does this guy bring his father to the meeting?” asked a foreign customer, unfamiliar with the political scene, while watching the pictures on our establishment’s TV.
“Yes, because the old boy’s nurse takes the day off on Tuesdays, and he has nowhere to leave him,” a skettos drinker lied. The truth is that the wise old doctor does not entirely trust Yiannakis’ judgment yet and likes to keep an eye on the young man when he is expounding his spiritual father’s complex views on the critically important aspects of the Cyprob.
HE MAY think of himself as an Alpha male, but the Paphite health minister with the big ego, Dr Patsalides is big softy really, terrified of having an injection. Twice he had been asked by hacks whether he would be having the swine flu vaccination and both times he he responded negatively, offering some lame excuse.
After Greece’s health minister had the vaccination in public, to re-assure a sceptical public which was afraid of the side-effects, a hack asked the Paphite if he would be doing the same and he said no. His reason demonstrated his sense of self-importance in all its glory. “I do not think a minister should be vaccinated in public,” he pompously declared. The guy is a member of the Tofias government, appointed on the recommendation of Marios Garoyian, and he is afraid that a vaccination in public would diminish his personal standing?
THE QUESTION was put to him again this week, after very few people, from the first high-risk group eligible for the free swine flu vaccination, turned up at the flu clinics to have their injection; everyone seems to be afraid of possible, adverse side-effects.
This time, he his excuse for not being vaccinated was much nobler and contained an element of self-sacrifice. He said: “It would have been easy for me to go and get vaccinated for communications purposes and then tell people, see I am not afraid. That, however, would give the wrong message as it would violate the priority principle that calls high-risk groups to get the vaccine first.”
I think the guy is scared, either of having an injection or, like most people, of the possible side effects of the vaccination. As for not wanting “to violate the priority principle”, it is a candidate for joke of the year. This is the minister who routinely violates state rules – not just priority principles – sending patients abroad for heart operations to prevent them from going to the American Heart Institute.
He is content to break state rules, (smoking in state buildings, for instance) but priority principles never, because these could cause negative side-effects for the minister.
ANOTHER man who would never violate priority principles and makes a habit of giving sermons about correct behaviour is deputy Attorney-general Akis Papasavvas. He was in the news recently after he reached an out of court settlement with his boss, Attorney-general Petros Clerides, which made him €55,000 wealthier.
The case related to his forced retirement, when he was working at the AG’s office as senior counsel in 2001. He challenged the decision in the Supreme Court which decided his services were wrongly terminated. Fourteen months later he was re-instated and a received all the salaries he was not paid during his forced retirement.
However, when he was forced out he collected a total of €110,000 in retirement bonus, pension payments for 14 months and unemployment benefit. Public servants are entitled to six months unemployment benefit when they go into retirement, even though they are collecting a hefty state pension.
When he was re-instated he was asked to pay back the €110,000, as he was paid all his salaries for the 14 months, but refused to do so, insisting that the money was his and he had no obligation to return it. By what law it was his, the holier than thou Papasavvas did not say. Perhaps he was entitled to it because he was opposed to the Annan plan.
TO ADD insult to injury, Papasavvas also sued the Republic, demanding €125,000 compensation for his wrongful dismissal, while unlawfully holding on to €110,000 of the taxpayer’s money, which he probably spent.
Faced with the compensation claim, Clerides filed a counter claim on behalf of the state, demanding back the €110,000. But why had Papasavvas not been taken to court sooner for holding on to state money he was not entitled to?
Politis reported last weekend that a settlement was reached by which Papasavvas would be paid by the taxpayer €55,000 in compensation and the case would be closed. But Clerides obviously did a favour to Papasavvas, who was rusfetologically appointed deputy AG, when his great buddy Comrade Tof was elected.
Even assuming that the Judge awarded the full compensation Papasavvas was claiming, he would only have been owed €15,000 once he had returned the money he had taken from the state. Why had Clerides agreed to pay him €55,000 in settlement? Was it because Papasavvas enjoys presidential protection or had he pledged to donated the money to charity?
THE STRATEGY for Tackling Cancer in Cyprus was presented to the public by health minister Dr Patsalides last Tuesday. The strategy was formulated by stakeholders, which said it all. For ‘stakeholders’, read ‘clueless members of the public’ who are invited to sit on committees, because even cancer strategy has to be decided democratically in the People’s Republic.
The strategy contained in a 56-page book published by the health ministry is truly embarrassing. It is a compendium of superficial thinking peppered with popular wisdom which will come to nothing. This strategy has as much chance of tackling cancer as glass of orange juice every day. “What do you expect, when Chr. Andreou was on the committee that drafted the strategy,” remarked an oncologist customer of the coffeeshop.
Chr. Andreou has been waging an ongoing campaign to have the B of C Oncology Centre closed down, which made him an expert in formulating cancer strategy.
WHY IS it that our illustrious Agriculture Minister, Michalis Polynikis has only attended one meeting of the EU Council of Agriculture Ministers? There has been a host of meetings of the Council, to which he insists on sending a ministry technocrat rather than attending himself.
It is not as if he is very busy. He has stopped talking on the radio, he has solved our water shortage problem and he does not engage in rusfeti, which can be very time-consuming, as the recent police investigation showed. So why does he refuse to attend Council meetings? How would he cope when we have the EU presidency and he will have to chair meetings of the Agri ministers? We can’t have a ministry official chairing a meeting of ministers.
HEART-FELT congratulations go to House President Marios Garoyian, who was named ‘Politician of the Year’ by the Armenian community at a ceremony on Friday night. We have been unable to obtain any information regarding the reasons he received this prestigious award, but one member of the Armenian community assured us that it had nothing to do with Diko going through the “worst crisis in its history”.
And when is this crisis going to be over, because we are still losing sleep over it.
