FOR their followers, compassionate communication workshops can help with everything from solving some of the world’s most intractable political problems to dealing with bolshy teenagers, and they are now available in Paphos.
Compassionate communication, also known as non-violent communication (NVC), was founded by Marshall B Rosenberg who grew up in an inner-city Detroit neighbourhood and saw violence on a daily basis. Established in America 20 years ago, the workshops’ philosophy “helps us stay connected with what is alive in us and others moment-to-moment, and enhances our ability to make life more wonderful for ourselves and others”.
“I’ve been involved with compassionate communications with my wife for the last two and a half years,” said Paphos-based Nick Symons who is involved in the upcoming workshops.
“We’d come across it and attended training courses in the UK, then Germany and the United States, with Marshall B Rosenberg. We completed this around a year ago. Since then we’ve been preparing to organise our own workshops.”
The first one was held just before Christmas, and the next one is at the end of February.
For those sceptics among us, this approach to problem-solving is being taken seriously around the world.
In the Middle East, for example, Palestinian and Israelis trained in NVC are working together to support reconciliation. They work with the police, heads of business, hospitals, Palestinian religious leaders in Ramallah and traumatised families.
Non-violent communication training evolved from Rosenberg’s desire to find a way of disseminating much needed peacemaking skills. The centre emerged out of his work with civil rights activists in the early 1960s.
“The purpose of compassionate communication is to look at the way we talk to and hear other people. We believe most of the conflicts in the world, whether they are full-scale, arms-bearing wars, or on a small scale in our daily lives, connected with family, friends or the workplace, all stem from poor communication,” said Symons.
“A difference of opinion and the way you express it can turn a small situation into something more serious.”
Worldwide reactions to NVC has been inspiring, according to its founder. He considers recent evaluations indicate the training strengthens the ability to connect compassionately with oneself and others, as well as resolving differences peacefully.
“When we’re upset we tend to put the blame on the other person and the outside problem,” said Symons. “We tell the other person what’s wrong with them. We shower them with criticism and blame, and obviously this makes them upset. This is known as jackal language. It makes what we say snappy and judgemental.”
Misunderstandings often arise from the incorrect use of words and language. Symons says we must try to be clear about the words and phrases we use, as well as the tone of our voice.
“‘We must be clear and precise, and try to take out the judgemental undertones, especially when we’re trying to express our unhappiness.
“This is how we can concentrate on the deepest human needs. When we connect with someone’s feelings, it’s really effective; this is the true meaning of empathy.”
Essentially, according to Symons, we must learn to have ‘heart to hearts’ and not ‘head to heads’ and try to hear what’s being said to us.
“In the case of my wife and myself, as with most people who have a close relationship, we have a great relationship when it’s good, and when it’s bad, it’s terrible,” he said.
“We still fight, but what’s changed is the way in which we handle the situation. It doesn’t work all the time, and sometimes we do revert back to our old roles. It’s difficult to put judgements aside, but you have to do this to really hear someone, or to feel that they are really hearing you.”
Symons underlined that communication is a powerful tool and that it should play a far greater role in children’s education. “We’re currently looking at taking it into schools in Paphos,” he said.
Symons believes NVC is also the key to parent-child relations.
“Most children don’t believe their parents listen to them, and it can teach a parent to see their child or adolescent as a human being,” he said. “When a child realises this is happening, it makes them far more receptive.”
Could it even help solve the Cyprus problem? “This kind of communication could help with the ongoing talks between Christofias and Talat. It’s been used in other difficult situations and worked,” he said.
The Paphos courses cover the philosophy behind the idea, the approach, the basic steps and the use of language.
“It’s important to talk about things in a neutral way. It’s helpful for everyone, although for people who are more habituated in their behaviour, it will take longer. Children have the best chance of learning quickly,” he said.
n For further information on the forthcoming course at the Kritou Terra environmental studies centre, on February 27 and 28, or general info about compassionate communication contact [email protected] or call 99689482/ 99586167
