‘IT WON’T be easy,’ warns Gordon Brown of 2009. On New Year’s Day, the newsreader told us that one in ten Brits are predicted to be unemployed in 2009, so it’s not surprising that the woman opposite tells me that her resolution for this year is to learn to ride a horse. ‘What?’ ‘Yes,’ she says, ‘never know when I might have to give up the car.’
In bankrupt Britain where you are damned if you do and damned if you don’t borrow money, there is a mood of wartime austerity. Any minute one senses, suburban lawns will be dug up for vegetable plots, wearing a vest will become a fashion statement and there will be a run on knitting needles from the Oxfam shop. Those relying on savings for income will see interest rates cut to almost zero, those who own homes might benefit from falling mortgage rates but will see the equity in their asset dropping at record rates and those who have jobs are being told that they can expect no pay rises or bonuses; it’s no wonder people are considering such measures as sharing showers with a friend.
In the sales, there were as many people returning unwanted Christmas gifts, demanding credit notes, as they were buyers. In travel agents, those who used to go to Tuscany for the summer, affected as one pound equates to a euro, were picking up brochures about boating on the Broads, while down the car showroom it might well be the return of the Robin Reliant.
Times, as they say, are hard, and about to get harder, but it’s not all doom and gloom: cheap Britain means bargain-hunting tourists. Cornwall, they tell us, will go orange this summer with Dutch visitors; whingeing farmers, paid in euro subsidies, cannot complain for once; and there has been a bumper year for bicycle sales, as women suggest that their overweight spouses pedal the pounds off on two wheels rather than four.
Driving through south London last week, the ‘Closing Down Sales,’ signs were evident in every small boutique style shop, although, for many, it’s been a mystery who bought their over-priced clothes for years. But at Wetherspoons, there was good news: Beer at 99p a pint and an All Day Breakfast for £2.50. Gordon may well be encouraging Brits to tighten their belts for a rough ride, but it seems, once again, in lean times, some things are bound to increase, a pint of bitter and a fry up might just yet save the great British paunch…
