OUR MOLE at the palazzo informed us that comrade presidente’s face turned his favourite colour and smoke was coming out of his ears when he was told how Al Capone had got away from three (it became four in the cop chief’s second version of the great escape) police cars which had tried to ambush him on Stassicratous Street.
This is how it goes according to our mole. An informer told the Drug Squad that Al would be involved in a drug transaction in downtown Nicosia after midnight, Thursday December 11, and cops were waiting for him outside Apollonion Hospital to make his move. As he climbed out of his window and got in the waiting car, the cops followed him and radioed colleagues to join them.
The Drug Squad could have briefed police HQ, but two of its members who were eligible for promotion decided to carry out the operation with colleagues from the Squad so that their promotion would be made certain.
In the end, three (first version) police cars encountered Capone’s Toyota Rav in Stassicratous and this was where the cops displayed their acute intelligence and cunning.
They all got out of their cars, presumably, because they all wanted to be heroes who courageously arrested the psychopathic murderer. When Al realised that he had walked into a trap, he fired at the cops, who took cover, thus giving the driver the time to turn the Rav round and speed away. By the time the cops got back to their cars, the Rav had disappeared. It had been another night of heroic failure for our cops.
Comrade Presidente, who normally is quite tolerant of stupidity, as some of his ministerial choices indicate, was seething when he heard the story, our mole informed us. As for the poor old goon Squad officers, they may have blown their chances of promotion for bravery, but they could still be promoted for unrivalled stupidity, which has happened on countless occasions. All they need to do is join the communist party and avoid the temptation to be heroes.
IF IACOVOS Papacostas could have become chief of police, the Capone cops must still have a good chance of rising up the ranks of the force. Papacostas, who had been imposed as chief against the wishes of the late Tassos by comrade Tof when they were still government partners, is proof that if you are a comrade and can count to 10, you can become the top cop.
A few hours after the Stassicratous cock-up, Papacostas, in an effort to cover up the fiasco, announced that three police cars had been involved in repeated collisions with Capone’s car as they tried to prevent him getting away. When the car was found on Saturday, it only had a few scratches, and you did not have to be a forensic expert to know it had not been involved in any collision – unless Capone took it to a garage and had it repaired and repainted in less than 24 hours.
Initially, it was said that three police cars had been at scene of the showdown, but later we were told there was a fourth. Why had the fourth car which had not been involved in the imaginary collisions not chased Capone’s car, asked Cyprus Chrysostomides, while still minister of justice. He was told by a cop that there was too much traffic on Santaroza Street at 2am.
STAYING on the issue of great brains, we need to mention the director of the Central Prisons Michalis Hadjidemetriou, who was suspended on Thursday, pending an investigation into his IQ. He was also appointed for being able to count to 10, against the Ethnarch’s wishes, after the persistent demands of Yiannakis Omirou, seconded by comrade Tof, whose commitment to equal opportunities cannot be disputed.
When Capone went to the Apollonion hospital, Hadjidemetriou asked that iron bars be placed in the window of the convict’s room. The hospital administrator said this could not be done, but he could give Al a room without a window.
Hadjidemetriou, acting like a hotel manager rather than a prison director, vetoed the idea as Al would not have been happy in a room with no view. And a good hotel manager always wants the convict to be happy, because he might not bring his custom back to the prison again.
WHY WAS Al given the valued customer treatment by the authorities, which even issued him a passport last summer, just in case he wanted to go abroad for a holiday while serving a life sentence? Was it because the cops and prison wardens were afraid of him, or because he had a good lawyer, who pestered the authorities?
Evroko deputy Rikkos Erotokritou has been exchanging correspondence with the authorities protesting because his client was not allowed to go abroad for treatment. I know convicts are entitled to legal representation, but Rikkos is also a politician, who takes moral positions on countless issues and judges the behaviour of his rivals all the time.
How can we take his morally superior, political stances seriously, knowing that he is selling his services to a convicted murderer and rapist? And Rikkos said he was ‘very disappointed’ when he heard that Al had escaped. Why, considering Al has never been the model law-abiding citizen? Perhaps his disappointment was related to Al not settling his legal fees before going on the run.
THE FARCICAL resignation of the previous week, by justice minister Cyprus Chrysostomides, was hailed by hacks as a supreme act of ‘political sensitivity’ and upstanding behaviour when the show was re-enacted a few days ago on the request of comrade presidente.
On his return from Brussels, Comrade Tof declared that the escape was not serious enough to merit his attention and arrogantly declared that, despite his resignation Cyprus was staying at his post because this was what the presidente had decreed.
The decree lasted only a few days. On Wednesday morning, with the papers having a dig at the presidente, because the palazzo had done nothing, despite being informed in writing about Al’s Apollonion holiday, he saw red and decided that he needed a sacrificial lamb, in order to deflect attention away from himself.
True, Cyprus is not much of lamb, but he was more expendable than the bungling police chief, who was a loyal Akelite. The only problem was that Cyprus had already submitted his resignation and Tof had refused to accept it. This was easily arranged.
Cyrpus re-submitted his resignation on Wednesday and it was accepted, but in exchange for his self-sacrifice, the justice ministry went to one of his flunkeys from his pretentiously titled Mickey Mouse movement. There is also talk that he was promised the post of ambassador to Greece for stepping down. Like stupidity, self-sacrifice and political sensitivity are well-rewarded in Cyproulla.
THE EXCESS of the media coverage of the Ethnarch’s passing last weekend may have been expected but it was still depressing to be reminded of what a pitiful Third World, hero-worshipping country we are.
The CyBC was by far the worst, with its tear-jerker reports and hagiographical tributes which portrayed an infallible, courageous and heroic politician, without a single human weakness. It was the sort of send-off the state broadcaster of totalitarian regimes gives its leader. “All of Cyprus and its people are mourning the death of Tassos Papadopoulos,” was how the previous Saturday’s CyBC, on-the hour, news started.
I understand there are plenty of people at the corporation who owe a great deal to the late Tassos – chairman Keravnos, general manager Themistocleous, news presenter Kenevezou and a host of hacks who were hired during his presidency – but they could have found more dignified ways to express their gratitude. They obviously did not consider their personal dignity, when they were extolling his sense of dignity.
NEWSPAPERS were not as bad, with the exception of Phil, which was. Then again the paper was a believer and his chief print-media cheerleader. The paper’s front page banner headline on Monday, the day of the funeral said it all – “Tassos enters immortality.”
It explained the metaphysical meaning of its report. “Today, the curtain falls on the biological cycle of Tassos Papadopoulos. Today, the door of History, Indisputability and Immortality opens wide.”
It reminded me of Woody Allen’s memorable quip – “I want to achieve immortality by not dying,” something that only Dr Faustus has been able to do, so far.
THE ETHNARCH’S funeral last Monday did not live up to its billing as a big show of support for his patriotic and uncompromising stance on the Cyprob. The organisers must have been bitterly disappointed with the turn-out of a couple of thousand people, as they had told police to prepare for 20,000 mourners.
The plan to turn the funeral into a big political event that would rally support against the peace procedure, flopped spectacularly, while the massive banners with defiant slogans, which decorated the exterior of the church cheapened the funeral as did the applause and cheering for the eulogies at the end of the service.
The organisers were obviously inspired by Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar, in which Mark Antony used his rousing funeral oration to turn the crowd against the conspirators who had murdered Caesar. But the pompous windbag Dr Lyssarides who gave the funeral oration on Monday is no Mark Antony. He was more interested in showing off his verbosity than inspiring anyone.
For the hard-core supporters of the Ethnarch, the role of Brutus belonged, by right, to comrade presidente, who had stabbed their Caesar in the back when he decided to stand against him for the presidency. Comrade Brutus’ betrayal was not forgotten and his was the only eulogy that received no applause whatsoever in the church. There was no applause when he laid the wreath either. This was mega-snub when you consider that even Tassos’ fiercest critic, the Fuhrer, was given a little applause when laying his wreath.
ONE AKELITE insider informed us that comrade Brutus must have been furious with the treatment he had received at the funeral. If he were not angry he would have broke down in tears while delivering his speech and made a spectacle of himself, said the Akelite. It is true our comrade presidente is a sentimental old cry baby, who has shed tears in public on many occasions.
He did so again yesterday morning, when he was addressing the AKEL congress for the last time as general secretary and became embarrassingly emotional (there will be a leadership contest at the start of next year). The tears just kept pouring down as he spoke, forcing him to take long breaks to compose himself.
This performance could only have reinforced his ‘Brutus’ tag. Five days earlier, he did not shed a single tear for the loss of his friend Tassos, but yesterday he shed bucket-loads for the loss of the AKEL leadership.
CALL ME sexist, but the pathetic sight of grown men, in particular presidents, crying in public is quite irritating. How can you trust the judgment of a president who cannot control his emotions in public? The decision of the pious idiots of the CyBC to have a picture of Tassos in tears, taken from his referendum address, as the back-drop of its tribute shows did the man a grave disservice. The address may have been his finest hour, but I doubt he would want it to be remembered for his crying.
THREE cheers for our good friend Charilaos Stavrakis who is doing everything he can to prevent the greedy bank bosses from raising interest rates. His latest plan of depositing €700 million in banks and co-ops in order to boost their liquidity and prevent the need for raising interest, was not well-received by the banks.
In fact, the banks immediately announced that they would still be raising interest rates because Charilaos’ plan would not solve their liquidity problem. B of C boss Andreas Eliades, who is the chief campaigner for raising interest rates among the bankers, was furious with his former colleague, as he was constantly putting the banks on the spot and forcing them to defend their greed.
Good for Charilaos, because the banks are happy to push the economy deep into recession with high interests in order to safeguard their profitability and to protect themselves from the possible negative consequences of the unsecured loans they were giving with carefree abandon in the last few years.
Why should the whole economy pay for reckless loan policies pursued by the banks so that the blunders of Eliades and other bank bosses are not exposed?
WE WISH you a merry Christmas and hope that the suspended prison director will have found out where Al Capone is hiding by Tuesday so he can at least send him a Christmas card.
