I HAVE decided that I do not want to date any more younger men.
They are fun. They are cute. They are very willing to please. And that’s it.
I’m not bitter, I have just realised that I want to go out with a man. Someone who is older, more mature and has more life experience. The latter is extremely important and something only someone in their 30s or 40s would understand.
Take someone who is 24. As mature as he can be for his age, he’s still only 24. He hasn’t experienced the same things as a 34-year-old for the simple reason that he is 10 years younger. It’s not his fault. It’s not even my fault. It’s just a fact.
Simply put, those 10 years contain a whole host of experiences that help shape a person and should not be missed out on.
I was recently dating a 24-year-old. He was quite simply gorgeous, both on the inside and out. He is one of the nicest guys you could ever hope to meet. He actually picked me up on our first date! I couldn’t believe it. Most guys my own age agree to meet me somewhere. He also brought me flowers on our second date and a bottle of wine. He treated me like a princess.
The only snag was he placed me on a pedestal. He thought I was this fabulous, mesmerising 30+ woman and he couldn’t believe how lucky he was to be dating me.
Naturally that did wonders for my ego. The more he flattered me, the more I started to let myself believe I was falling for him. The fact that he was one of the best kissers I’ve ever had was an added bonus.
The problem is that this woman he’d decided I was, was only half the picture. True, it was up to me to show him the full picture, but quite frankly he lacked the experience to be able to handle it. Sometimes you just know someone can’t handle emotional depth. I can’t explain how you know, but you just do.
The problem is I found myself increasingly looking forward to his phone calls. When I picked up the phone, I found myself grinning like some love struck adolescent. If he didn’t call I’d get upset. When he came round I quashed any niggling doubts about his ability to talk about anything other than his hobbies, rows with his parents and how one of his best friends was sleeping with his ex.
Deep down, I knew I was getting myself into a sticky situation. I was becoming emotionally involved with someone that I knew I didn’t want to end up with long term. Not because there was anything wrong with him but simply because he was too young.
In four years time I’d ideally like to have a child. I’m not saying I’ll have a child by then but if I’m fooling around with someone as young as 24 it’s hardly going to happen because: a) he won’t be ready for that kind of commitment and b) because I’ll be expending too much energy on him, other opportunities will pass me by.
Note: to have a child I’d want to be married first and it takes about six months to a year to organise the wedding and then it also takes nine months to give birth so with that timeline in mind he’d need to be popping the question within the next 18 months. How many 25-year-olds are ready for marriage? And why should they be?
Young men have all these life experiences ahead of them and women to love. I would hate to be the one to deny someone those kinds of adventures. When you’re attached, you also get tied down. When you’re single it’s easier to grow and in your 20s you have so much growing to do and so many wild oats to sow… These are the thoughts I started having. Also his mum is 46. In 15 years I’ll be 46. I asked him how many of his mum’s attractive friends he’d like to have sex with. He said none. I said in 15 years that would be me.
I’m too old to waste time. I’m not saying I don’t want to have fun and live in the moment, of course I do. It’s just I was getting far too involved with him and I just don’t have the time ahead of me to waste it on something that has no potential. Had it been able to remain a fling that was just about sex then that would have been great but I’m just not like that.
I’ve tried to be this ‘no strings’ kind of woman and I screw up every single time. I watch friends of mine have casual sex with a load of guys and I find myself trying to be like them when I’m not. Instead I end up feeling empty inside because relationships like that are shallow and fake.
I want something with more depth. Something real. I need a proper connection with someone. The problem is if you’re connecting, then you’re becoming emotionally involved. Because I find sex so intimate, I end up telling myself I’m falling for the guy. I can’t separate sex from emotion. I have tried time and again to do so and simply cannot.
For me they are one and the same. Especially if the sex is regular. If it’s just a one-off, I can put it down to a physical release but if phone calls are involved – going out to dinner, flowers, secrets shared, pillow talk, cuddles, gentle kisses and massages – well then it’s not just bedroom gymnastics.
Breaking up with my 24-year-old was easier than I had anticipated. Although he maintained he was as mature as someone in his 30s, he proved he was not when his ego got in the way. Basically he got the hump when I was too busy to see him for a few days and gave me the cold shoulder.
I finally rang him for closure and he acted like he didn’t care. I know he was hurt and I felt bad, but the fact that he was unable to communicate his feelings showed me how inexperienced he was. Although a lot of men are appalling communicators I find the older they get, the better they are at it. I just wasn’t willing to teach this guy.
Besides, I too have an ego and much as I hate to admit it, I just couldn’t imagine him being my dinner date when I go out with my friends in their 40s. He’d have no problem with the 20s age group, but when you think his mother is 46 and I could be her friend, well, I rest my case.
