The trials of being the other half
I used to detest October. Summer was my season, my reason for living in Cyprus. And autumn means no more long, lazy days on the beach – what’s the point in going down to a sunless sea? But since I’ve become a kitesurfer’s girlfriend, I’ve learnt to love the chilly weather – it heralds a return to normalcy as the seas cool.
As the significant other of a kitesurfer, I’ve learnt no plan made between May and September can withstand Force Five. That the June wedding your spouse promised faithfully to attend – him being the best man and all – may end up with some fast excuses as he sheds his tuxedo to reveal Billabong trunks and hits the highway at 160 with the rings in the back seat.
Pervolia, Paramali, Dhekelia – anywhere with a stiff onshore breeze is the preferred hang-out of these extreme sport fanatics – and my boyfriend has caught the bug badly. This is a man who will attempt to launch his kite if someone so much as sneezes in the right direction, so life can become, at times, as unpredictable as the British weather. And as the other half of the couple, I’ve learnt that in the summer life is, in fact, a beach – and I seem to be spending a lot of time on it.
Weekends revolve around the wind. Each sunny Saturday I’m woken by his ringtone – ‘Wipeout’ – as his fellow kiters start the first round of calls: “It’s blowing in Limassol”, “It’s teasing in Larnaca” and the ultimate downer: “Dude, there’s no wind!” If it’s windy, he gets up and checks Windfinder (a wind forecast website), and the calls continue; if nobody’s answering their phone, it’s an excellent sign. It means they’re all out on the water, and he’s loading the car and cancelling lunch before you can say: “Breakfast anyone?” But it’s not all ruined plans and rude awakenings, there are some serious benefits to the sport as well…
In August he developed a passion for weekend breaks. The first time I was rather surprised –would he actually survive two days without kiting? Here he was, unselfishly offering to take me to a gorgeous hotel near Akamas. “Help!” I thought, “this sounds a bit romantic.” Visions of passionate proposals in Polis fuelled my panic; being the non-marrying kind, I was worried by this sudden ardour. Thankfully, all became clear when we arrived at the hotel and I clocked the board in the boot. Apparently “the wind’s amazing in the west, the swell’s spectacular and the seas are empty”. From then on, I reaped the benefits of lazy days away.
Because the most important thing about being a kitesurfing girlfriend is that you’re actually NEEDED. It’s not like surfing, where he’ll get on his board and that’s the last you’ll see of him for the day. Kitesurfing involves a kite; that kite needs to be launched, and if you’re heading off into the wild blue yonder, someone’s got to be around to give you a lift. After that, all I have to do is lie on the beach, waiting for the Daniel Craig as James Bond moment when he comes back to shore!
I did, once, give kitesurfing a go. As the competitive kind, I was sure I could crack it in half the time it took him. I’ve always been fairly sporty and, having windsurfed, wake boarded and water-skied, I didn’t think it could be that difficult, so I took a lesson… and discovered it’s much harder than it looks. Putting on the equipment took half an hour, and we didn’t get anywhere near the sea. There was some sort of lifejacket, a bicycle helmet that spent more time in my face than on my head, and a full on chastity belt – minus the key. Being trussed up like a bondage victim was not my idea of fun. I’d thought I’d spend a quick 30 minutes learning to control the kite before we all hit the water for some spectacular jumps. Three hours later I had passed out in the middle of a field. I’ve done some difficult things in my time: I’ve babysat an incontinent kitten for a week, negotiated a family divorce settlement and taught whole classes of inner city kids. This was harder. After that, I stopped laughing at him when he hit the water face first from a flying start, and started being a bit more respectful.
But autumn is here now, winter is on its way, and the only people left frolicking in the waves are the hardened Russians. It looks like life may start getting back to normal – lazy lie-ins, papers in bed, movies on the couch in the evenings – bliss.
That said, I think he’s just bought a wetsuit…
