THE MENACING parcel of harassment and obsession we routinely refer to as stalking is not restricted to the world of celebrity.
In the UK alone one in five ordinary women (1.2 million) and one in twenty men (900,000) will be affected by the actions of a stalker.
Jenny, an attractive 40-year-old divorcee, works as an advertising executive. She used to live a full social life, was blessed with many friends, and, up until two years ago, thoroughly enjoyed her independence and the new life she had made for herself in Cyprus.
All that has now changed, and as Jenny sits at the café where we meet, her eyes are constantly scanning the street, her apprehension palpable, her concentration constantly wavering as she checks every dark coloured car that passes.
“I cannot ever relax when outside, but I feel better now you are here, plus the owner of this café knows my situation and always keeps an eye on me here.”
Jenny is the unwitting victim of a stalker, a man with whom she had a brief relationship but realised after a few months that she never wanted to see again.
“He started getting very possessive, questioning me over silly things. Then, when I went out on business he would suddenly pop up where I was meeting clients. He had followed me there, so that was really creepy. I ended the relationship, thinking he would just go away and meet someone else,” Jenny said.
“Since that day my life has changed dramatically. I can no longer go out alone without looking over my shoulder. My apartment sometimes feels like a prison. He has affected every aspect of my life and work and crushed my self esteem. He has filled me with fear, so that I feel genuinely scared all the time.”
Andreas has verbally abused her in public, bombarded her with long, rambling text messages, and threatened her in front of friends.
He has grabbed her off the street, put her head in an arm lock, and dragged her to his car then, after a few metres flung her out onto the road, injuring her so badly that she had to be treated in hospital. Andreas then took to sitting by the entrance to Jenny’s apartment smoking cigarettes. The tell-tale butts left in a neat pile by her front door were left as a sign for Jenny to know how long her spurned lover had kept vigil while she tried to sleep upstairs.
“I just knew he was out there, and I’d literally hide in my bedroom. If I did go out I’d only use the stairs as he once caught me in the lift, but just in time a neighbour came into the lift and saved me.
“My life was hellish. I hated being so scared all the time and at the same time so helpless to do anything about it.”
Jenny is an intelligent and sensitive woman who knew instinctively that her fear was a primal human defence mechanism to be ignored at her peril. She didn’t, and she went to the police.
She was at first loath to go, feeling it would be a complete waste of time. The main reason was that the stalker’s father was an important man in town, and had already used his influence to gain his son a government position. Andreas would boast to her “My father can fix anything”, so Jenny went to the police station with some scepticism.
“To my amazement the police treated me seriously, and with an amazing amount of kindness and understanding. After they took my statement they issued me with a special number to call if and when I needed them. They knew both the father and his son and went and interviewed them. Unknown to me the son had a manslaughter case pending which had conveniently been shelved for two years.
“The father then approached me directly and begged and pleaded with me, not to take the case to trial as his son would lose his job, and his other case would then immediately come to court,” she said.
Although Jenny is still fearful of the decision she made, she is even more determined to go to court, not only to stop Andreas once and for all from threatening her, but also to bring to the attention of people the fact that this type of behaviour cannot be tolerated.
“I also hope that other women and men who suffer from this type of life-sapping obsessional malice will feel they can go to the police for help and report such cases knowing they will be treated seriously by the authorities,” she said.
Did she ever use the special number given to her?
“Yes, I was in a bar with some girlfriends. He must have followed me, because he came in soon after I arrived and started shouting the most awful abuse at me, threatening me and really scaring everyone with his behaviour. I phoned on my mobile, and within 10 minutes a police car arrived, but he sort of knew something was up. He ran out just before the police arrived.”
A stalker’s view of reality is usually seriously distorted. They see themselves as lone heroic figures, spurned lovers, or wronged employees battling for justice, and any reaction from their victim will provide them with gratification. Invariably they will be boosted by this reaction and start to escalate the stalking to another, often dangerous level.
Some will take it to the ultimate extreme as in the case a few years ago of the English women murdered by her Cypriot former lover. He then turned the shotgun on himself after shooting her in the back as she tried to flee the attack. This was a case where tragically the police had not read the signals correctly, that the man did indeed have every intention of carrying out his threat of killing his lover, ensuring that if he could no longer have her, then no-one else would. This English woman had previously gone to the police several times to report his escalating behaviour. Just days before her death, she had brought a coffee cup with her to show police that he was trying to poison her. The results from the lab confirmed there was indeed poison present in the cup, but, by the time the lab report came through, the poor woman was dead.
It’s a terribly murky business, and what’s more as a crime it’s also very difficult to legislate against, as not every stalker is a socially inept, maladjusted individual incapable of real relationships. Some are pillars of the community who display this dark obsessive side only to their victim.
Police do however seem now to be adopting a much tougher stand, and instead of telling women that they will just have to ‘accept their lot’, they now offer 24 hour call out protection, plus professional help and advice from the welfare service.
They, like many other police forces, are more than aware of the cause and effect on innocent individuals once a stalker moves into a victim’s life.
It’s the failure to swiftly recognise the signs of a serious stalker, failure to asses them and failure to protect the victim that has ended in the death of an innocent human being.
At the time of going to press, Andreas has stopped stalking Jenny. His father is still pleading with her to drop any legal action against his son. She is still going to follow through with the court case. (Names have been changed)
