HALLELUJAH and praise Allah, our two leaders on Tuesday found the common language that went missing in June and threatened to turn the peace process into a big pay-day for interpreters and linguists who would be called to negotiate the meanings of words.
The hard-boiled, intransigent puppet of Ankara agreed ‘in principle’, with his reasonable, flexible comrade with regard to ‘single sovereignty and citizenship’.
This begs the question (and I am surprised that none of our expert political linguists have not already raised the matter): what does ‘in principle’ mean? At least someone at Phil picked up the suspicious PIO behaviour over the translation of the word ‘single’ into Greek.
In its first translation of the joint communiqué, the PIO translated ‘single’ as ‘mias’, but then issued a second translation, advising us to ignore the first. In the second it used the Greek phrase ‘mias ke monadikis’ (one only), which is how the Concise Oxford Dictionary defines ‘single’.
But what if the UN had used ‘single’ as a noun rather than, as we all assumed, as an adjective, to trick our comrade presidente and our political linguists? As a noun a ‘single’ could mean a ‘one-way ticket’ or a ‘pop song’, hence the ‘singles chart’.
So it is possible that the two leaders, ‘discussed the issues of pop-song (or one-way ticket) sovereignty and citizenship which they agreed in principle’. In fairness, though, the absence of a comma between ‘single’ and ‘sovereignty’, in the communiqué, would imply that ‘single’ was indeed used as an adjective.
But who can stop the crafty Mehmet Ali from claiming, once fully-fledged talks begin, that there should have been a comma between the two words and that the UN had calculatingly omitted it to fool the Greek Cypriots? The devil is in the punctuation, as Cyprob veterans would no doubt tell you.
FORMER Ethnarch Tassos who has always had a sharp eye for devious use of punctuation by wily UN officials, was certainly not convinced by the wording of the communiqué.
He submitted a 14-page document at Friday’s National Council meeting arguing that the issue of sovereignty and citizenship had not been agreed by comrades Christofias and Talat and would re-surface at the negotiations. He did not mention that ‘single’ might have referred to a pop-song or a one-way ticket in his document.
He also argued that no progress had been made at the technical committees and working groups and insisted that the July 8 agreement must not be abandoned, presumably because it was the only guarantee of maintaining the deadlock. He also said the criteria for the start of talks had not been satisfied.
“If we go to talks and do not find a settlement, we will end up with a Kosovo situation,” he was quoted as saying. You have to admire the man’s unwavering faith in negativity and pessimism, which he pursues with the religious fervour of a true zealot.
THE SECOND anniversary of the July 8 agreement was to have been celebrated on Tuesday with a big fiesta in Eleftheria Square, according to unconfirmed reports that have reached our establishment.
These reports alleged that the organisers, Yiorkos Lillikas, Demetris Syllouris and Yiorkos Perdikis called it off at the last minute, when it was pointed out to them that it would be insensitive celebrating the agreement in July, the month of the black anniversaries.
They had also failed to persuade Tassos to be the main speaker as he would not have been able to say anything positive about the agreement, apart from the fact that it guaranteed the lack of any Cyprob movement.
DIRECT talks are set to begin in September, irrespective of whether there is progress at the technical committees and working groups. The two sides had agreed to this before Tuesday’s meeting, which was why the UN had gone ahead with the appointment of former Australian foreign minister, Alexander Downer, in the Alvaro de Soto role.
Downer’s appointment has yet to be made official, but this is a formality, according to UN sources, and he has already talked about his new role to the Australian press. I do not know who chose him, but his appointment seems inspired – he has been described in the Aussie press as “puerile, frivolous and pompous”.
A big supporter of George Bush and with a tendency to behave like a bull in china shop, it will not take him long to upset everyone. A blunt, gung-ho, pompous, insensitive Aussie, who knows nothing about Cyprob etiquette and vocabulary might not provide a settlement, but he will certainly provide entertainment.
DOWNER is a bit of a kid, according to the press Down Under. On one occasion, on entering Melbourne Airport, he saw an Australian career diplomat queuing at the check-in desk and called out ‘loser’ to him, before ducking behind some people so that he would not be seen.
He has worn high-heeled shoes and fish-net stockings for charity (see picture). He showed off his insensitivity during a policy launch for victims of domestic violence, suggesting the document title be changed from ‘The Things That Matter’ to ‘The Things That Batter’.
The last thing this man will be in Kyproulla is a downer.
CHAIRMAN of the Reconstruction and Resettlement Council, Nicos Mesaritis would do well to register for a crash course in good manners. Back in May he kept participants waiting for more than 20 minutes to start a seminar because he was too busy speaking to journalists.
He then made his speech in Greek, without bothering giving a copy in English to the two main guests who were Irish academics.
On Thursday, his Council organised another conference in Nicosia, attended by guests from Ireland and Northern Ireland. While the speeches were being made Mesaritis was clicking away on his camera taking pictures of everyone and showing no interest in what the speakers were saying.
Nobody told him that as the host of the conference, he had to pretend to be interested in his guest’s speeches no matter how boring they may have been. Taking pictures while they were talking, gave the dame away.
MULTI-CULTURALISM has arrived at the National Guard I am happy to report. A young man with a Jewish mother, who was due to enlist yesterday had tried to get out of doing military service by informing the Defence Ministry that he was a practising Jew. He observed the Sabbath and always ate Kosher food.
The response of the ministry was that his religious practices would be respected and that his army camp would provide him with kosher meals every day. From what I hear Kosher pork is one of the most popular meals in the National Guard.
Next, the National Guard will be recruiting Muslims and assuring their parents that their kids would be fed Halal meat and be allowed to stop what they are doing five times a day to pray.
HAS OUR comrade presidente undergone an ideological rebirth or is he just saying the things his audience wants to hear because he wants to be loved?
The question came up again at the US embassy’s party, marking the Fourth of July, when the presidente made a brief speech responding to US Ambassador Schlicher’s speech.
People who listened to what he said, were left gaping as he concluded his speech saying that Cyprus saw the US as a model and wanted to follow the example it had set in our efforts to solve the Cyprob. This is the guy who could not mention the word US without reference to capitalist greed, imperialism, new world order, neo-liberal cruelty and globalisation.
I am happy to report that he is also acquiring a sense of humour. After the ambassador’s over-long speech, he took the mike and the first things he said were: “Don’t worry. I will say only a few words.”
IDEOLOGICAL rebirth or not, some things never change. I refer to our presidente’s commitment to rusfeti. Four positions were vacated on the University of Cyprus council, and all four new appointees were Akelites. Even more interesting was his appointment as the palazzo’s special adviser for Turkish affairs.
The job went to his son-in-law, who was straight out of university. He was deemed the perfect man for the job after preparing a superficial paper about the situation in Turkey, which so impressed his proud father-in-law, he distributed it to all his associates.
THE BOOK by retired Greek diplomat Christos Zacharakis, about the time he had served as ambassador in Kyproulla, is causing quite a stir. Apart from provoking an outburst of positive comments and high praise from Tassos, the book also inspired a poem in Cypriot dialect that was published in the local press.
It also prompted a retired National Guard officer to file a libel suit against Zacharakis, for kick-back allegations he had made with regard to the purchase of armoured vehicles from Brazil in 1981. Not bad going for a country in which books attract as much attention as lectures on root canal treatment.
Although a bit boring, the book does contain some good anecdotes. For instance, Zacharakis noted that in 1984 he had 138 meeting with then presidente, Spy Kyp. And the most astonishing thing is that Zacharakis did not seek professional help, or if he did he was too much of a gentleman to mention it in his book.
AGRICULTURE minister Michalis Polynikis is displaying some serious fruit-cake symptoms, proving that you can take the man out of Paphos, but you can’t take Paphos out of the man. The events he organises and invites the TV crews to cover, smack of his Paphos provincialism.
Ten days ago, he made a big song and dance about inspecting bore-holes in Stavrovouni, creating the impression that the water shortage crisis was over and there would be running water whenever we turned our taps on. A day later he was on the radio telling everyone to carry on saving water.
Then on Monday he organised a ceremony, featuring blessing by the Archbishop, for the arrival of the first shipment of water from Greece. The ceremony was postponed because rough seas had delayed the arrival of the ship. It was held on Tuesday, with a proud Polynikis playing host of this momentous event.
He still hasn’t told us where the remaining eight million cubic metres of water we need to see out the year would come from. When he has the answer, he will probably organise a big ceremony to announce it.
OUTSPOKEN Cypriot academic, Dr Michael J. Economides of the University of Houston, was in town last week to speak at a conference about natural gas. This is what he had to say about the Papadopoulos government’s decision to set up a floating terminal for liquid natural gas.
“For three years, people here were debating the idea of having a floating LNG unit. This is the craziest idea I have ever heard in my life.
“It is so plain ridiculous that the person responsible for this idea has to have been set to get money from somewhere. It is as logical as bringing gas from another planet to Cyprus with a spaceship.”
