WHAT do Archbishop Chrys, Ethnarch Tassos and Yiorkos Lilickass have in common apart from their arrogance, good looks and passion for telling lies? The answer is that they are all from villages in the Paphos district, the most primitive and uncivilised part of our lovely island.
We know that the Ethnarch has avoided mentioning his Paphos roots, often referring to occupied Ashia on the Mesaoria plain as “my village” while listing Nicosia as his birthplace in Who’s Who in Cyprus books. While the Ethnarch may never have lived in the Cyprus version of redneck country, I am informed that his father was from the village of Trimithousa, just a couple of miles from Ktima, but left as a young man.
Despite never having lived there, he not only looks like a Paphite but talks and behaves like one as well. He has coarse manners, the inferiority complex that makes him want to prove all the time that he is smarter than everyone else, the extreme conservatism, the power-madness, the megalomania, the talent for lies, the ruthlessness in pursuing his interests and paranoid distrust of all outsiders (people from Nicosia are considered foreigners by true Paphites). He may have not been brought up in the district, like Lie and Chrys, but character is not only formed by the environment. Tassos has Paphos in his genes.
Why do I mention this? The small-minded, complex-ridden, self-serving, semi-civilised Paphites have caused untold harm to the rest of Cyprus, while their own cultural backwater has thrived and prospered. They have benefited immensely from the Turkish occupation – pieces of infertile farmland in the middle of nowhere are selling for millions of euros, turning half-starving peasants into wealthy men overnight– which is why they overwhelmingly voted for its continuation in 2004 and will do so again if another settlement is ever put to a referendum.
For now, they will give their vote to their fellow-pro-partition Paphite, in the belief he would protect them from the threat of a settlement that would cause real estate prices to tumble. The Ethnarch gets his biggest share of the vote in Paphos, the traditional stronghold of the anti-settlement parties, EDEK and DIKO.
And this is not because Paphites want a just settlement which respects human rights, as respect of human rights is not very high on their agenda. Just ask any non-Paphite who lives in the district how much his rights are respected by the locals.
THE MOST famous Paphite, the late Archbishop Makarios, allowing all the above-mentioned character traits to determine his judgment and decisions, unintentionally helped start the events that led to 1974. Incidentally, he hailed from Panayia, the same village Lie comes from, which may explain the similar accent.
Meanwhile Tassos always saw Mak as his spiritual father and had been touted as his successor, but when the Archbishop died he was outsmarted by the great Limassolian Spy Kyp in the succession battle. By then, another Paphite was zealously working for partition – Rauf the Denktator, who also hails from the semi-barbaric district. His motives were not determined by any concerns for real estate prices, but he has displayed all the well-known Paphian character traits in his dealings.
Paphites have been running the Cyprus Church since Makarios’ election as Archbishop in 1950, and have managed to turn it into the island’s most reactionary and bigoted institution, which has always opposed any settlement. Mak was succeeded by another Paphite, the late Chrysostomos I, who was succeeded by wheeler-dealer Chrys II, a zealous campaigner against the A-plan and for Tassos’ re-election.
THIS SINISTER, pro-partition Paphos syndicate, protecting real estate prices in their district in the name of human rights, has another Paphite member I forgot to mention – the leader of EDEK Yiannakis Omirou, whose party decided to back Tassos’ re-election before he had decided whether to stand or not.
Then there are the multi-millionaire Paphite developers who funded the ‘no’ campaign and are now financing the syndicate’s efforts to stay in power for another five years. These developers have been rewarded for their idealism and patriotism by our government, with licences for golf course developments which will allow each to construct hundreds of overpriced holiday villas to sell to hated foreigners.
This rant may sound a bit racist, but what right-thinking person would want the ruthless, self-serving Paphos syndicate running the asylum for another five years? I feel it is my patriotic duty to warn Nicosians, Famagustans, Larnacans, Limassolians and all refugees about the Paphos syndicate’s machinations and objectives.
The prospect of having the Paphian triumvirate of Tass, Lie and Chrys, backed by Omirou, abusing its powers at home, cultivating paranoia and fear, pursuing partition and forcing us all to eat Yeroskipou delight for breakfast is just too depressing.
WE TAKE this opportunity to launch the ‘Save Cyprus: stop the Paphos syndicate from controlling our future’ campaign. And before the Paphites start accusing us of being bigots who paint a totally negative picture of them, we would like to make a positive suggestion. In the even that the Ethnarch fails to get elected, in the peace negotiations his successor should offer Paphos to the Turkish federated state of Cyprus in exchange for Kyrenia. The Denktator may appreciate the gesture. Another option could be to have a tri-zonal, tri-communal federation and make Paphos the third federated state of Cyprus, but without representation in the central government.
WHERE has DISY’s most prominent Paphite, deputy leader, Averof Neophytou disappeared to in the last week or so? He has not been appearing in public supporting Ioannis Kassoulides’ candidacy, sparking rumours that he had secretly defected to the Paphos syndicate, at the behest of his close friend Loukis P, the supreme ruler of Antenna.
The rumours proved incorrect. The reason for his disappearance is a big falling out with the F?hrer, Nice Nik who found out that the uppity Paphite was in discussions with Loukis P about the possibility of DISY backing the Ethnarch in the event that Kas failed to make it to the second Sunday run-off.
Loukis P, a crafty, behind-the-scenes operator who sees himself as a kingmaker, reportedly promised Averof he would make him DISY leader if he delivered the DISY vote to Tassos. And the self-serving, power-mad Paphite, who has reportedly been in contact with his fellow-Paphites in the syndicate, did not need much persuading.
The F?hrer confronted the scheming Averof about his dubious activities and put him in his place. Whether he has been sidelined for good or will return to half-heartedly campaigning for Kas remains to be seen. The truth is that Averof does more damage than good to the Kas cause when he is campaigning because he usually directs his fire at the AKEL candidate rather than at his fellow Paphite, presumably to prevent the forging of an anti-Tass front.
LOUKIS P had helped Tassos’ election in 2003 by splitting the DISY vote. He was the man who had encouraged the then Attorney-general Alecos Markides to stand against presidente Clerides, assuring him that Antenna would help him get through to the second round. There was no second round as Tassos swept to victory on the first Sunday, and the political career of Markides lay in ruins.
He is now exploiting Averof’s hunger for power to do the same to the DISY vote, but the F?hrer will not allow it to happen, because he is smarter than the self-appointed kingmaker, who is turning out be one of the Ethnarch’s most fanatical supporters. And he is not even from Paphos.
OUR ETHNARCH does not appear to have shaken off the flu virus yet, more than two weeks after catching it. His public appearances have been cut to one every other day and when he does show up in public he does not look in very good shape. We hear that it was a very rare and potent flu virus that also affects the functioning of the kidneys, but have failed to confirm these reports.
The fact is that 10 days before the vote, he has restricted his election gatherings to one every other day. On the days he is not campaigning (Thursday and yesterday) he gives interviews, so that no suspicions are raised about his health. If there was someone with a sense of humour in his campaign team, they could have had some fun with the format being used to advertise his election gatherings in the press.
I refer to the ‘Tassos in Larnaca’ and ‘Tassos in Paphos’ adverts, which for the days he is not on the campaign trail could be titled ‘Tassos in bed’.
FOREIGN minister Erato Markoulli has been keeping a very low profile during the campaign, even though we spotted her on Friday night, sitting in the front row of the Eleftheria auditorium, with the rest of the members of the Cabinet, applauding every sentence of the Ethnarch’s election speech.
We thought of Erato the other week, when the former Chancellor of Germany Gerhard Schroeder visited the occupied area and supported the start of direct flights to the north. On October 13, asked whether Schroeder would visit the north, she said: “The former chancellor will not visit the occupied territory. There is nothing to support the claim that this visit will take place; I do not consider it a serious case.”
Should we consider Erato a serious case?
SCHROEDER’S visit was dismissed as being of no consequence, while our government anointed the former Chancellor a Turkophile. The number of Turkophiles has grown geometrically since Tassos came to power, and they are no longer just Yanks and Brits. There are leading Finns, Germans, Dutch, Swedes in the pro-Turkish fan club.
Staying on the issue of the pro-Turkish camp, on Wednesday morning, discussing the US Super Tuesday results, the CyBC radio presenter asked his US-based guest, Panicos Papanicolaou, the head of the National Federation of Cypriots, which of the candidates would help a settlement of the Cyprob. The self-important Papanicolaou informed us that we should expect nothing from Republican candidate John McCain.
Between the Democratic candidates, Papanicolaou said he thought Hillary would be better for Cyprus than Obama, but did not elaborate. Is it because she is a woman and therefore more open to our Ethnarch’s natural charm (that is another Paphian character trait I forgot to mention)?
THE COMMIES seem to be getting very irritated with Lielickass. On Thursday morning, Akelite spokesman Nicos Katsourides appeared on a radio show just after Lie and accused the Ethnarch’s trusted lieutenant of managing to say three lies in the 60 seconds he had listened to him talk. A week earlier, the Commissar’s spokesman openly accused the Paphite former foreign minister of being a liar.
Have the comrades just found out about Yiorkos’ poor relationship with the truth. After all, he had been an AKEL deputy for seven years and a minister in the AKEL-backed government for four and a half years. In those 11-and-a-half years did the comrades never hear him telling a lie, or was it a forgivable offence when he was on their side?
ONLY ONE week to go for the vote. If you consider yourself a floating voter, make sure to buy us next week as we will be giving valuable advice about the candidates that would help you make up your mind whom to choose from the good, the bad, and the ugly.
