THE EAGERLY awaited big debate of the three main men which was broadcast live by all five national TV stations turned out to be a big yawn marathon. The candidates were not solely to blame for their dismally boring monologues, as they were ably helped by the five hacks chosen by each station to ask the questions.
The show was missing the intelligence and wit of a Yiannakis – not Omirou, but Nicolaou or Kareklas – who would have breathed a hint of life into the soporific question and answer format with his unrivalled showmanship and charisma. Why was the CyBC not represented in the boredom-fest by a Yiannakis, choosing instead the depressingly serious and earnest Paris?
From what we hear, Kareklas ruled himself out for hierarchical reasons. Being the boss of the station’s news department, accustomed to being the star of his show, he could not sit next to hacks of lower rank and status, waiting his turn to ask a question within a pre-specified time limit without the right to pontificate.
As for the other Yiannakis, who is currently sporting one of those horrific hair-styles popular with the kamakia of Ayia Napa in the 80s, he was ruled out for practical reasons. At a more serious station he would have been excluded because of the hair-style but the CyBC is an equal opportunities employer and does not penalise TV for their looks.
The second Yiannakis was ineligible to appear because he could not ask a question within the 30-second timeframe set for hacks by the debate organisers. As viewers of his lunchtime show know, he needs between three to four minutes to ask a straightforward question that requires a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answer.
But so what? This would have left the candidates with less time to bore us with their bland answers.
THE YAWN marathon suffered because, like the federal settlement that the Commissar and Kass would accept, it did not have the correct content. This is why we have no intention of dealing with the content – and will focus on the form.
We have to express our concern about the well-being of our Ethnarch, who was not his usual, aggressive, condescending self. He did not once insult the journalists, which was completely out of character. Was he merely following the instructions of this communications adviser to present a less arrogant image or is there a problem?
Looking tired, stressed, fed up and lacking in energy, he was unable to talk with his usual confidence and assertiveness. Is the campaign taking its toll on him?
It would not be a surprise as he is 75 and will be feeling the effects of a campaign that requires him to put in a minimum of 16 hours of work per day.
We just hope he is not destroying his health for the sake of his re-election because what good would he be as president if he does not have the mental strength to resist foreign efforts to impose a settlement?
A TELL-TALE sign that all is not well was that he turned down the offer of a glass of Scotch, his favourite beverage, before the start of the debate, opting for water instead. Then again, he has already asserted himself as the Alpha-male among candidates and does not need to drink Scotch to prove he is a hard man.
Kass, on the other hand, is trying discard his ‘butter-boy’ image and show that he has macho qualities – even though they are not very mucho, as Zsa Zsa Gabor would say. He asked for a Scotch on the rocks before going into the studio and made sure he was photographed holding the glass. He may win some more votes now that he has dispelled suspicions that he is a Diet Coke drinker.
The Commissar, whose mother allowed him to go the studio on his own, underlined his humanity by having a cup of tea, which is also a bit of wimp’s drink. He did not want to have an alcoholic drink in case his mother, who had agreed not to accompany him only on condition he was a good boy, was watching the show.
MUMMY’S BOY has radically changed his agenda, discarding his commie ideology like a used condom, to help his election drive. Gone, it seems, are the days when Cypriot communists embraced their faith with the same devotion and zeal as Muslim fundamentalists.
Then again the Ethnarch also abandoned his neo-liberalism on the campaign trail, spending state money like Hugo Chavez to win votes, so why should Commissar play the ideologue when he knows he needs the votes of the right-wing capitalists to have a chance of being elected?
On Tuesday he was at a conference for businessmen assuring the audience that there would be “no socialist revolution in Cyprus”. Changing the system was not a priority for him, he said, promising that his government would give its full support to business which helped economic growth and development.
Of course, he had to repeat some of his rhetoric against the anathema of neo-liberal policies but his main message was that the market economy was safe with him and that he would not increase corporate tax. He did not stop there.
During the yawn marathon, he announced that he would not appoint an Akelite as finance minister but someone from outside the party who enjoyed broad acceptance… And his first name was Charilaos (no, he did not say that).
In order to subliminally show his break with his communist past he avoided wearing his usual red tie during the big debate, opting for a design worn by bank branch managers who are renowned for their appalling dress sense.
HIS FLIRTATION with the capitalist class made it necessary for him to re-assure his old comrades that he was still on the side of the workers. He closed his TV appearance with the pathetic statement, “I was born a worker and I will die a worker.”
He may have been born a worker, but unless he returns to sweeping the streets or mixing cement on the building site after he retires from politics, he will not die a worker. In fact, the princely state pension his career in politics will give him once he retires will ensure he does not have to do a day’s work until his death.
Classing himself as a worker now is a bit far-stretched. We don’t know too many workers who are chauffeured around in a limo, have a posse of cops to do all their errands, fly first class and stay in the suites of five-star hotels. And since when does a party leader qualify as a worker?
Most career politicians have not done an honest day’s work in their life – they are politicians because they dislike work – and the mummy’s boy is telling us that he will always be a worker. Let’s face it: the guy may have been born a worker, but he gave up work and joined the leisure class as soon as he became politician.
THE ECONOMY may be safe with him, but culture and the arts are certainly not. The Commissar announced grandiose plans to turn our cultural wasteland into a centre of artistic creativity. He will do this by establishing a State Drama School, a Fine Arts School, an International Theatre Festival for the Eastern Mediterranean, a programme for developing Cypriot film-making and, to run everything, a Culture Authority.
A culture initiative, by the man who peddles kitsch, will not produce great art or artists – that is the only certainty – but it will produce a lot of jobs for talentless artists, fourth-rate intellectuals and other unemployable losers with ideas above themselves.
The most imaginative measure he thought up was that the Theatre Organisation of Cyprus (THOC) would be transformed into the state theatre, falling under the jurisdiction of the Culture Authority. A revolutionary measure, if ever there was one – from semi-state to state organisation.
Semi-state or state, THOC will remain a Soviet style organisation, employing dozens of lazy, underworked, overpaid, unmotivated public servants as actors and directors, and producing mediocre theatre.
As if THOC is not enough we will now have a Soviet-style Culture Authority, run by a communist apparatchik to develop and refine our artistic tastes and sensibilities.
AT THE SAME meeting where the Commissar announced there would be no socialist revolution, the Ethnarch revealed he had informed Britain that the regime of the bases as well as relations between the bases and the Republic would be re-examined by the government.
A bit of anti-British posturing and defiance never lost anyone votes, but I suspect he chose the wrong audience to make his revelation. Businessmen are aware of our economy’s dependence on Britain and would not approve of actions that affected relations and jeopardised tourism, property development etc.
They should not worry yet as the re-examination of Cyprus-Britain relations has only taken place in the Ethnarch’s head. According to Alithia, which investigated the matter, the British government had never been informed about this threatened re-examination of the regime of the bases.
NOT EVEN Simerini, a campaigner against the bases, took the Ethnarch’s claims very seriously, even though it applauded the intended “re-examination” in a lead article on Thursday. There should be legal and diplomatic preparation before any such move was undertaken, the paper said, adding:
“And it is sad because not only do we not see anything being done to indicate the will of the government to raise the issue of the British bases in a decisive way, but the issue is not touched in the election programmes of the presidential candidates.” This proved that none of the candidates treated the bases issue as a priority, it lamented.
One thing however was certain: “Under any stone you pick up in the international arena, you will find the British finger, plotting against the Greek Cypriot positions and promoting the Turkish positions.”
THE BRITISH finger is not only under every stone it is also behind leading personalities, according to Christos Clerides of Euroko. Speaking on the Lazaros anti-Annan show, he informed listeners that the “British finger” was behind one-time friend of Cyprus, Gunther Verheugen as well as behind Enlargement Commissioner Olli Rehn.
How could Rehn have declared that Famagusta port was not considered illegal by the EU if he had not been prodded by the British finger? The British finger was also behind Kofi Annan, said Clerides, who is fast becoming as good a finger detection expert as the Simerini leader writer.
BELOW IS a transcript of an excerpt from a conversation between the late Archbishop Makarios and the US Secretary of State Henry Kissinger, held in Washington on November 13,1974. The transcript, recently released by the US government illustrates the intelligent arguments often resorted to by our leaders when speaking to foreign officials.
Makarios: I forgot to say that a reduction of Turkish troops on the island would not necessarily be considered to be in our interest since it might be better to have a large number of troops remain there to increase the Turkish economic problem.
Henry Kissinger: Will you be saying that on TV?
Makarios: No.
PANTHEON cinema in Nicosia, drew a full house for the showing of Makarios Droushiotis’ documentary, Poison, about how the Ethnarch wrecked the efforts for a settlement back in 2004. The documentary will be shown again this Wednesday at 8pm.
