DIRECTED BY Scott Hicks
STARRING Catherine Zeta-Jones, Aaron Eckhart, Abigail Breslin
US 2007 105 mins.
THE NANNY DIARIES *
DIRECTED BY Shari Springer Berman & Robert Pulcini
STARRING Scarlett Johansson, Laura Linney, Nicholas Reese Art
US 2007 105 mins.
Isn’t it reassuring when films live down to expectations? I recall watching the trailer for No Reservations some weeks back, and shuddering with horror as the strikes against the film kept mounting up. Oh my God, I thought, it’s Catherine Zeta-Jones, possibly the most inexpressive star in Hollywood. Oh my God, she’s playing an uptight woman whose heart will be melted by a cute little girl. Oh my God, I realised, this is a straight remake of Mostly Martha – a German flick I saw and disliked five years ago. Oh my God, I’ll probably have to review this tripe. What else can possibly go wrong? Then came the credit, “Directed by Scott Hicks” – oh my God, the hack who’s made nothing but snooze-fests (Hearts in Atlantis, Snow Falling on Cedars) since the overrated Shine 11 years ago. A final nail in the coffin.
Maybe none of the above applies to you. If you’re a big CZJ fan, or liked Mostly Martha (it was shown in the ‘New Horizons’ Festival in Nicosia) or Mr. Hicks’ previous work, then hooray: you’ll probably enjoy No Reservations as well. As for me, I got exactly what I feared/expected – a film as unblemished and unyielding as Ms. Zeta-Jones’ implacable expression. She’s the Clint Eastwood of romantic comediennes, running the gamut from severely firm to firmly severe; at one point – I think when the little girl runs away from her – she grimaces slightly, more a twitch of the mouth than an actual grimace. This is as far as she’ll go. Otherwise she’s like a marble column, an effect accentuated by lighting that tends to give her skin a glossy finish as she stands in the kitchen.
CZJ is a chef, a great chef. She’s good with food, but rotten with people – mostly because she’s obsessed with rules, making everything predictable and risk-free, as if Life were a recipe (“I wish there was a cookbook for Life,” she actually says at one point). She won’t date men who live in her building. She won’t change her cooking to please customers. She’s “not a dessert person”. It’s not her fault; she became controlling due to a bad childhood (her mother died, her dad was absent; she had to take care of everything), but it makes her ill-equipped to deal with a child, her late sister’s little girl – at least till a new sous-chef comes into her kitchen. The newcomer is Nick (Aaron Eckhart), who sings opera and bubbles with life. Nick is exciting. Nick breaks the rules. “You were right, Pavarotti makes sex so much better,” the other girls tell him with a wink. Meanwhile our heroine hasn’t had a man in 4 years, having dumped the last one when he became too demanding – i.e. when it looked like she might lose control.
Clearly, Hicks is attracted to this scenario; Shine was also the story of an artist – and what is a chef, if not an artist? – who went crazy trying to follow rules, till he learned to relax and enjoy life. The trouble here is, firstly, that everything is painted in such broad strokes – could spaghetti-twirling, Nessun Dorma-singing Nick ever exist outside a movie? – and secondly, everything is so undernourished. The kid (played by Abigail Breslin, from Little Miss Sunshine) is generic, and there’s maybe one scene of mild conflict – when they both slam their doors at the same time – between her and her aunt. Romance (inevitably) blooms between the leads, followed by the equally inevitable scene where they fight and break up. She bristles when she thinks Nick is taking over her kitchen (it’s all about control, you see); he admits the restaurant owner offered him her job. At this point she should ask ‘So what did you say?’, he should reply ‘I turned her down; I couldn’t take your job, I love you!’ and the incident should be over with a hug and a kiss. Instead she snaps at him, he snaps back and suddenly they split up, never to see each other again. Except they will. (I’m sorry, did I spoil it for you?)
The point is this: No Reservations is formulaic. Things happen not because they’re plausible, but because they always happen in this kind of movie. The message is so vague it’s almost worthless. Catherine Zeta-Jones is a rigid, charmless presence. The characters are one-dimensional. Worst of all, it fills the gaps with snobbery. The restaurant is clearly expensive; our heroine’s signature dish (we’re informed) is foie gras with truffles. There isn’t a breath of life in the whole glossy movie. At one point the child watches videos of her dear departed Mum – and Hicks films her with a tear in each eye, catching the light as they perch on her eyelashes. The grieving child is reduced to these two little pinpricks of light, obviously arranged by the crew for maximum symmetry. It’s quite artful, and totally dead.
The same may be said of The Nanny Diaries, which is actually a very similar kind of film. Once again the snobbery, letting us peek at the world of the moneyed and dysfunctional (the co-stars in No Reservations were truffles and saffron, but here it’s mostly tarragon). Once again the underlying populism, curing the stuffy rich with a burst of middle-class values – once again reflected in food, a kid this time charmed with a jar of peanut butter (in No Reservations it was a plate of spaghetti). Once again the problem of the inexpressive heroine, Scarlett Johansson in this case who seems to grow more immobile as she grows older; she’s picked up a touch of Juliette Lewis Disease, a dreaded thespian condition where the lips move but the face remains frozen.
Once again, the familiarity. No Reservations was based on another film; Nanny Diaries is based on a bestselling book – an expos? written by a real-life New York nanny, though its revelations don’t seem especially revelatory. Rich mothers take yoga classes. They live in buildings with doormen, go to nice restaurants, hire party planners, eat lots of tofu. “We do not take the subway.” They also neglect their kids, which presumably is why they have nannies. The film’s warm and fuzzy message is designed to reassure: it doesn’t matter how much money you have (it says), nothing compares with the joys of parenting. It’s the grown-up version of those kids’ films where a kid learns that winning isn’t as important as being happy – which also happens to be the message in No Reservations. Once again, the mealy-mouthed feelgood sensibility.
Worst of all, Nanny Diaries pretends (albeit playfully) to be an anthropological study of this upper-crust milieu, studying native species like the “Fifth Avenue Mom” and “Tribeca Fashionista” (“Marital Status: Lesbian Life Partner”). It’s made by directors with a background in documentary – yet it’s so fake, so thinly detailed. None of these people are remotely memorable. Even the class-conscious subtext – Scarlett nannying for the rich when she could/should be one of them, as per her mother’s dream of making her a corporate CFO – sinks into limp Be Yourself-ness, Scarlett going off to study Anthropology (cf. her mother’s dream of making her a corporate CFO). Indeed, I was so frustrated by the phony people in these films I finally went down to the Zena Palace and caught Planet Terror for a second time, just to wash away the taste. It’s a sad day when a film about flesh-eating zombies offers more recognisable behaviour than a film about human beings.
NEW DVD RELEASES
Here’s our regular look at the more interesting titles released on DVD in the US and UK over the past few weeks. Some may be available to rent from local video clubs, or you can always order over the Internet: dozens of suppliers, but http://www.amazon.com (for US
) and http://www.play.com (for UK) are among the most reliable, if not necessarily the cheapest. Prices quoted don’t include shipping. Note that US discs are ‘Region 1’, and require a multi-region player.
NEW FILMS
THE BOURNE FILES: Actually just the first two ‘Bourne’ films (‘Bourne Identity’ and ‘Bourne Supremacy’), with a third disc offering a sneak peek at ‘Bourne Ultimatum’ plus 45 minutes of featurettes exploring “the origins of Jason Bourne” (mostly on Robert Ludlum, who wrote the original novels). Still nicely packaged, and well-priced at $22 plus shipping. [US]
300: Dreadful film, nice 2-disc package including deleted scenes and lots of featurettes with titles like “300 Spartans – Fact or Fiction?”. [US/UK]
CINEMA, ASPIRIN AND VULTURES: Acclaimed Brazilian charmer set in the 1940s, its hero a German aspirin-salesman traveling through remote North-East Brazil. [US]
OLD FILMS
IVAN’S CHILDHOOD (1962): Andrei Tarkovsky’s least typical film – a WW2 drama from a child’s point of view – in a fine package from the Criterion Collection. Extras include an interview with the boy (now man) who played Ivan. [US]
LES ENFANTS TERRIBLES (1949): More from Criterion, Jean Cocteau’s play about unhealthily-close brother and sister masterfully filmed by Jean-Pierre Melville. Extras include interviews, scholar commentary and a 30-page booklet. [US]
IPHIGENIA (1977): Stirring version of the ancient Greek tragedy by Limassol-born Michael Cacoyannis. How shameful is it that American DVD shops stock this but (most) Cypriot ones do not? Pretty shameful. [US]
CLASSIC MUSICALS FROM THE DREAM FACTORY, VOL. 2: ‘Classic’ is an overused word, and only a couple of these titles really fit the bill – ‘The Pirate’ (1948) and maybe ‘Words and Music’ (1948) – but fans of the old MGM musical should love this 7-movie set, also including the 1985 anthology ‘That’s Dancing!’. Handsome extras include lots of featurettes, old shorts and cartoons. [US]
RAISE THE RED LANTERN (1991): Chilling, gorgeous tale of one woman’s oppression, starring the lovely Gong Li. No extras. [US]
MALPERTUIS (1972): Dreamlike, erotic horror fantasy from Belgian director Harry Kumel, with a haunted house and androgynous hero – a real cult item! Deluxe 2-disc set includes two versions of the film, featurettes and a 15-page booklet. [US]
DISTANT VOICES, STILL LIVES (1988): Lovely, dark-edged memoir of a 1950s British childhood, extras including an interview with director Terence Davies. [UK]
DREAM ON, SEASON 1 (1990): Remember this one? [UK]
THE WOODY WOODPECKER AND FRIENDS CLASSIC CARTOON COLLECTION: Also starring Chilly Willy! [US]
