THIS is not a unique tale, and it doesn’t have a happy ending. It is the story of a man who believes he has been truly caught out by a predatory woman, and he is seemingly not alone, with a staggering number of Cypriot men in recent years having been seduced by the charms of women looking for a better life.
Nicos always wanted to marry and raise a family; he had dated many local girls, but never seemed to find what he described as the ‘one that clicked’.
A few weeks before his 30th birthday, he met Tania. She was holidaying with her mother in Limassol, staying at the hotel where Nico worked as a chef.
“I liked her immediately, she seemed much more outgoing and fun than the girls I had known before. I asked her out for a coffee, and, over the next two weeks the relationship progressed.
“This was no holiday fling, at least not on my part. I was totally caught by her, and wanted very much to keep on seeing her, but she had to return to Russia after her two weeks were up.”
Tania left, but the invitation for Nicos to fly over and visit was made, and a few weeks later Nico was enjoying the hospitality on offer in a small Siberian village.
“It was not like anything I had experienced before, the family was welcoming, but I could see immediately there wasn’t much money coming into the house and opportunities for the likes of someone with Tania’s education were few and far between.
“I wanted very much to take care of her, so I proposed, she accepted, and I flew back to Cyprus. My family seemed okay about things, so I went ahead and bought a flat in Limassol. A few months later, she returned and we were married. It was shortly after the wedding that the continuous drain on my now somewhat limited resources began.
“First it was a car for my wife, then new and expensive furniture, clothes for her and her family (her mother had to borrow a dress to attend the wedding). It became a constant battle trying to explain why we couldn’t afford to keep up this level of spending or with the high social life she aspired to having.
“I was soon getting into debt with her spending habits. Then she became pregnant and talked all the time about how she needed to move into a big house with a garden. In order to appease her a bit, I made my biggest ever mistake.
“I paid for her mother to come over and care for her during the pregnancy.
“By this time, my wife had her residency papers and on the day she received them she was jubilant, as was her mother. But that joy was contained just between the two of them, at home. I had become an unwelcome guest, I couldn’t even sleep with my wife, as my mother in law had taken up residence in what had been our bedroom.
“Money and lots of it was the only thing I was wanted for. They didn’t even like me to stay in my one evening off work, they wanted me out, so I started to go out more and more, and that’s when I met up with other men who were in almost the identical predicament as me.
“I suppose if I counted up the ones I have met who have been taken in this way, plus those I have just heard about, the number would be in the hundreds, and that’s just in Limassol.”
Although a kind, caring sort of man, Nicos is somewhat diminutive, eager to please and, despite boasting a great smile, he’s no Brad Pitt. So when I asked if he had ever stopped to think why a beautiful, tall, leggy, Elle McPherson look-alike would fall at his feet after one cup of coffee, he became slightly sheepish. “I just thought how lucky I was to have found her. She seemed to really like me. I was so proud to be with her and genuinely thought she would settle down, become a good wife and mother and we would have a happy life together.”
“And yes, she did please me in every way,” he added. “She unlocked all the secrets of the bedroom.”
Now, Nicos doesn’t even have a bedroom. He has moved out and sleeps on a friend’s sofa, sometimes staying with his mother in the village. “The baby is the gun she is using,” he continued. “She tells people I have hit her and the child, she went to the police and told them she was in danger from me, but they just told her to get a lawyer.
Another time she called the police when she knew I was coming round to visit with my child. She had deliberately scratched herself beforehand and also made a small mark on the baby’s face and she was screaming as the police came to the door.
“I was totally thrown and couldn’t really say or do anything, and the next thing I know, the welfare officer orders me to stay away from my wife and child.
“The locks have been changed in the apartment and she threw all my belongings onto the road. I have now been to a lawyer and do have visitation rights, but only once a month. This is heartbreaking for me, as my daughter isn’t even getting a chance to know her father or her grandparents.
“My wife doesn’t want a divorce, all she wants is the apartment, the upkeep, and money every month. She has offered to let me see the baby more often, but only if I give over the apartment to her.
“What I and other men in similar situations now want is to have equal rights, for the law to be changed so we don’t end up losing everything we have worked hard for. I can’t afford to lose the £80,000 it cost me to buy the apartment, but I do want to take care of my child so I am trying to settle this the best way I can.
“Men in our situation also want to stop accusations of brutality being thrown at us. Maybe in the old days it was considered a man’s right to use his wife as a punch bag, but no more, at least none of the men I know have ever raised a hand to their wives or children.
“Marrying a woman who is basically trying to escape from bad conditions back home means you will always get the mother and her family as part of the package and that’s when the real trouble starts. Coming home from work that night and seeing my mother-in-law in my bed with my wife and baby was the night the blinkers fell from eyes. I saw clearly that like so many others before me and probably many more still to come. I had been taken for a very expensive ride.”
