High school sweethearts
According to Mark Twain, no man or woman really knows what perfect love is until they have been married for at least a quarter of a century. We speak to four couples who have been together since high school
Kendeas and Emilia Koushioumi
Newlyweds
There’s always that nagging doubt when preparing to walk down the aisle. Is she/he right for me? Is this really what I want? For Kendea and Emilia Koushioumi however, this was not the case. Although only in their early twenties, they had been together for eight years before deciding to take the leap of faith and get married. They said it was something they wanted to do since beginning dating aged of 17 and 15 in 1998.
It all started when they met at a school dance school in the village. “It was 1995 when Kendea and I formed a friendly relationship as we were teamed up together. He was two years older than me but we knew each other from school and seemed to hit it off from the get go although I was very young and he had a girlfriend,” Emilia said. They would continue their friendly relationship for another three years.
That was until May 15, 1998, when Emilia threw a party and Kendeas was invited. After kissing her on the cheek and helping her take the presents to her bedroom, the word ‘friendship’ headed for the window. “I fancied her!” Kendeas said.
They then kept a low profile, bumping into each other walking their dogs, at the kiosk and the cinema. “We were living in a small village and in the 90s, things were quite different. We couldn’t be seen at such a young age talking and laughing together let alone holding hands and walking down the street, so we kept our distance until a few weeks later when he invited me to his house while his parents were away,” explained Emilia. That was the day of their first kiss.
On June 23, the last day of school, the couple met in a park and finally decided to become an item. “I was extremely shy and didn’t really know what to say, so I ended up writing the date and our initials on a dirty car indicating that this would be the day were officially together,” Kendea said. Things didn’t get easier from this point as Emilia’s mother was strict about boyfriends and wouldn’t accept their relationship. As a result, Emilia would secretly meet up with her new boyfriend up at the school late at night or in the back row of the cinema. “The he got a motorbike and would pick me up at a designated point and then he got a car, which made it easier to avoid village gossip,” she said.
Just before Emilia finished school in 2001 and Kendeas was in the army, she told her parents. “They didn’t take it too well and I told Kendeas about the problems he suggested breaking up so as to avoid anymore tears and arguments between me and my mother.” But this was exactly what made Emilia’s mother realise the couple’s dedication and gave them her blessing.
They made things official, announcing their engagement in June 2003, three months before she left for the UK, where she was to study. Despite their families’ beliefs that this would put a strain on their relationship, Kendea and Emilia were stronger than ever and three years later, they were walking down the aisle. “People ask us if we’ve regretted meeting at such a young age and missing out on dating other people and being single but they don’t understand the most important part,” explained Kendeas. “We have memories and we have good stories to tell our children. How many couples do you know that have a picture of themselves together at the age of 12 and 14?”
Savvas and Maria Savva
Married for six years with one child aged 2
Savvas and Maria met in 1995, four months shy of their high school graduation. She was a straight A student, he wasn’t very fond of school but somehow, over a night out with friends, Savvas ended up chatting to Maria and offering her a beer. “I had an awful tummy ache that night,” she says. “It was Saturday, February 18 and I was sitting at the bar clearly not in the mood for partying when he came up and made some joke about beer being good for the intestines. I thought it was funny and we exchanged phone numbers.” They are now married and have a two-year old girl.
The next day Maria got a call and looked forward to Monday when she would see him again. However, there was a small obstacle to overcome. “I had always thought Maria was good-looking and really wanted to ask her out but I also had to break up with this other girl I had been seeing for quite sometime,” explained Savvas. Come Monday, it was evident that the other girl had been informed of Savvas’ betrayal and confronted Maria the moment she set foot in the school yard. “She stormed up to me and started screaming that I supposedly stole her boyfriend,” Maria said. “Then she told me to meet her behind the canteen and solve the matter, just the two of us. I couldn’t believe it. I was an honours student and here I was about to get into a fight with this girl over a guy. It got ugly and one of the teachers broke us up.”
It was plain sailing from then on as the couple enjoyed rides on his motorbike and skipped lessons. “I can’t remember ever going to English classes after I met Savvas,” Maria said. It was off to the army for Savvas once school came to an end and they both decided it was time to tell their parents about their relationship. “We told them that in two years time, once the army was out of the way, we would like to get engaged,” Savvas explained. Their parents supported the decision even though Maria was about to give up studying. She said her heart wasn’t in it in the first place and she saw Savvas as a way out.
Telephone calls and an incident with the commander’s car (they were nearly caught making out) saw them through two difficult years and on September 6, 1998 Savvas and Maria were engaged. They lived with her parents for five years in a small bedroom with a single bed and finally tied the knot in 2000, when they began building their house.
“We were moving too fast, I know that,” Maria said, “but I didn’t realise it until we moved into our brand new house in 2002.” She was upset, distraught and wanted to move back in with her parents. However, Savvas reassured her and in a month they were back on track. “I was positive and 100 per cent sure that this is what I wanted and in the end she was too,” Savvas said.
In fact Maria was so sure, she decided it was time for a baby and on October 10, 2004 Elena arrived. A miscarriage before that successful pregnancy brought them together, they claim. “It all changed from there on for the best and despite people telling us we were too young and going too fast, we’ve proved them wrong. We’ve grown up together, experiencing our lives just as we want to.”
Lefteris and Stalo Embedokli
Married for 20 years with 2 children, now 17 and 12
Some couples are just meant to be together and this came shining through when I met Stalo and Lefteria Embedokli. They were born in the same clinic in Larnaca 44 years ago – just 20 days apart.
But they did not meet until eight years later when they were in the same class at school. “We have been friends since school. We have mixed with the same circle of friends and we all used to go out in a group. It is still like a big family. I can’t remember exactly how or when the relationship changed. It was sudden. The memories are all mixed together because we were friends before – and it continued after we got together,” Stalo said.
After leaving school and Lefteris finishing his two-year national service they both went abroad to university for four years. Lefteris said: “I went to Greece and Stalo went to the UK. That’s when we realised that we missed each other and our feelings had changed. The first time I asked Stalo out, we were on a plane over Rhodes, going to Athens.
I had to know. We were 21.”
Lefteris went to see Stalo twice while she was studying in the UK and they also met up during holidays together with friends. Lefteris added: “During those four years that we were apart while studying, I once got the bus from Greece to the UK to go and see Stalo.
It felt good being together, that’s what made me want to be with her.”
Stalo said he stood out for her because of “his great character, intelligence, and sense of humour.” And in their company it is obvious there is a comfort, calm and ease between them. You can tell they love to be together.
So what has enabled their relationship to endure from high school sweethearts to parents? “We agree on things and we never argue. We have lots of things in common, having been together since childhood. But we discuss and talk about things a great deal,” Stalo said.
Lefteri added: “We find time to do things we like together, like going to restaurants, on holidays, to a caf? to chat and spend time with each other. It breaks the routine of daily life up and makes time for us.
“We have the same interests,” and he stressed, “it’s not a competitive relationship.”
And they both said their relationship feels the same now as the day they met.
“I still do things that my 18-year-old son does with his girlfriend, like call her while I’m at work and ask her out for a meal or to go on a trip somewhere,” Lefteris said.
And, on their relationship, they both agreed: “You have to keep working at it. If you leave it, it will leave you.”
Eric and Pam Ramswell
Married for 44 years with two children now 45 and 43
The job of shoveling camel poo while working at London’s Whipsnade Zoo was made somewhat pleasanter when Eric laid down his shovel to go for a tea break. For it was in the staff canteen he first laid eyes on Pam as she served him his hot beverages.
“She was a skinny, pretty, little thing and, like me only 14 years old. We both worked at the zoo during our school holidays and, I liked talking to her, enjoyed her company, but, in those days boys weren’t as mature as they are now. Then, my all consuming passion was making and flying model aeroplanes, definitely not girls.”
“Mine,” said Pam “was riding ponies, but we would travel together on the staff bus to and from the zoo, then, when we were 15 we met again in a coffee bar in Dunstable and by that time the hormones had started to kick in for both of us. There was an instant attraction as Eric walked in wearing a proper bikers leather jacket. He also had his shiny motorbike parked outside the coffee bar, so I was sold.”
“Mind you,” Eric gently reminded Pam “nothing serious went on until we were 17 and by then both of us had gone out with other folk, but, one Saturday night I took Pam and her girlfriend to a local dance and it was after that night we started courting seriously.”
“One morning my mother and I went into the same coffee bar and Eric was in there with some biker friends, when my mother turned from the rather intimidating group of young men and whispered to me ‘I hope you never go out with anyone like that’.”
However, within a year Pam had to tell her parents she was pregnant with Eric’s child.
“My parents were very good about it,” she said, no easy task in Britain during the late 50s and early 60s. they even restrained from pushing the young couple into a shotgun marriage.
“I felt the same as Pam, we weren’t going to do it just because everyone said it was the right thing to do, so we got married but six months later and went to live in Pam’s parents house, with the baby and very little money. That was a very hard time for all of us, but we survived, we were really a couple of kids ourselves but we fused together through all the hard times. That made us stronger and so much more appreciative of our own individual strengths and weaknesses.
“The key I feel to our marriage has been the fact that we fell in ‘like’ first, we were good friends, anyone can fall in love, but not everyone falls in ‘liking the person’.
“We are two different people who live together very happily, we are not doormats to each other, we disagree and argue like other normal folk, and anyone who boasts they have lived together for decades without a serious dispute, suggests a total lack of passion and spirit. We also trust each other’s judgement so we can help guide each other”.
So, had either of them ever been tempted to stray from the marital bed? Eric was first to answer. “Of course one will always admire young, attractive women, but, because Pam and I have got memories going so far back, I just have to re run in my mind’s eye how young and terrifically attractive she was at the same age – that’s the key thing, we both have such a heritage, our lives are now woven together with millions of memories, we are in effect emotionally sewn together.
“I hate to see these ridiculous old geezers prancing around with their young trophy wives, I’d rather have a trophy marriage any day, someone who is there with me and can remember when I was young, foolish, and hopefully sexy! Someone who has seen me through the bad days and good, and I her, that’s what it’s all about.
“We feel that a soul mate is only found after 20 odd years of loving, rearing children, meeting challenges, talking, sharing and laughing together, especially when the lust thermometer may have dropped a bit that’s still a soul-mate and that’s why Pam and I are still the most passionate of friends”.
So what did Pam think was the secret was to a long and happy marriage? “It’s a love that’s completely non negotiable, it’s never considered that there is an alternative. It’s the ability to get angry without falling out, and it’s about being more stricken by anxiety for another person than yourself, Oh and importantly the words I love you, aren’t half as effective as these maybe you’re right.”
Interviews by Eleni Antoniou, Sarah Antoniou and Jill Campbell Mackay
