March Hares, Monkeys Uncles. Where do all these peculiarities of the English language come from?
WE ALL, to a greater or lesser degree, struggle still with the English language: take BBC soap actors or Wayne Rooney for example.
So, if Greek and learning English, don’t use our footballers as role models, or, if you are English wishing to know the derivations of words and phrases used in everyday life, then, the latest book which no doubt has half an eye on the Eats Shoots and Leaves market, is March Hares and Monkeys Uncles. Since reading this title I have been disavowed of many common misconceptions in our language and, would have gone through the rest of my life believing among other things that the word TIP originated from the acronym of To Improve Performance. In the book I found its true origin dates back to the 13th century and means to touch very lightly. The word developed over the next 400 years until in the 1600s it meant the passing of something to another person in a sly or crafty manner without people noticing the exchange. It was only in the 18th century that TIP became associated with the giving of an extra bit of money as a reward for good service.
Then, there’s the explanation given for the expression Third Degree, the origin of which means: being put under severe questioning on a subject by a suspicious party until the subject is truly exhausted. The term comes from the Freemason. Top ranking members of this secret society are called Third Degree Masons, and in order to gain this honoured title a member has to undergo a severe and thorough investigation from his superiors until they are all satisfied that the chap is indeed trustworthy.
Every quiz night, usually as a warm up question, contestants will be asked ‘Who invented the flush toilet’ Thomas Crapper will be the stock reply, but it’s the wrong answer according to my book. The word Crap has nothing to do with TC; he wasn’t born until 1836 and didn’t get into the flushing business until 1861 so it’s clear he did not give rise to the word crap.
The reason being the word was in fact first mentioned in 1846 ‘crapping ken’ which was the title bestowed upon an outside (non flushing) toilet.
A person buying a property in Cyprus over the internet without having seen the property may well be concerned that they could have been sold ‘a pig in a poke’. This expression dates back to the 1500s when the poke, which was a small sack or bag used to carry goods to market, was filled with what was thought to be a wriggling piglet. Unless the buyer opened the bag and checked its contents he would find upon returning home he had instead paid good money for a stray puppy or cat.
Most of us will have ‘Pipe Dreams’ those flights of fancy that never ever come to anything, hopefully none of us will have ‘flown’ in the true sense of the words as they were meant in the 18th century to describe ‘a person who liberally uses the opium pipe’.
Another book I relished although altogether more bawdy in nature is the 1811 Dictionary of the Vulgar Tongue, sort of a self explanatory title which proves many of the naughty words we use today are in fact centuries old in origin. Conversely, words that today we take as totally inoffensive such as ‘Hoax’ ‘Elbow grease’ and ‘fuss’ were all deemed to be totally vulgar and no self respecting person would utter them back then.
I am sure if I was dressed up in my best gear and took a wander down to a public drinking establishment in 1842 I would then be described by the men in these rather unflattering terms as a mucky duck, (an ageing woman on the make) then as a swamp donkey, laced mutton, or an old trot, a right barber’s chair (meaning I was as common as a barber’s chair in which a whole parish sit to be trimmed). All are delightful descriptions of an ageing woman after having enjoyed the dubious affections of a man. Mind you I would probably have received some ‘spondulicks (money) for playing the ‘blanket hornpipe’ ‘wapping’ or being a party to ‘the beast with two backs’ (the giving away of my favours). The word for money is derived from the Greek for sea shells which were used once as a form of barter.
My fervent hope of course would have been, that the gent involved during the ‘tupping’ (carnal knowledge) was acquainted with the invention developed by a Colonel Cundrum (later changed to the brand name condom) for it was he who had a voracious appetite for the ladies, taking a ‘wife in water colours’ every night, meaning she could easily be dissolved from the ‘stitching’ (having sex) encounter come morning. If the woman in question was married then Cundrum would have called her a ‘slice’ as the opinion was of the times that seducing a married woman was the same as taking a slice off a cut loaf in that it would not be missed. Cundrum (to his credit) vigorously promoted the use of dried sheep gut whilst in the act of coition to prevent himself and his soldiers from succumbing to Venereal disease (Venus’s curse) in their ‘Twiddle –Diddles’ or ‘Sugar sticks’ (the genitals). I kid you not, that’s what men in 1811 went about calling them.
Words, like people over a time can completely change; some will lose their pleasant or unpleasant meaning. One word which when used to describe a woman was a huge insult, is today now commonly accepted. The word is ‘bitch’, this was described in the 18th century as being ‘The most offensive appellation that can be given to an Englishwoman, even more provoking than that of ‘whore’. Mind you I wonder if those named Jordan know that their name in the 18th century meant ‘an overflowing chamber pot’ now that lends quite a new twist to the modern day expression of ‘A nice pair of Jordans’.
March Hares and Monkeys Uncles Harry Oliver
Published by Metro, £9.95 Available at Hearn’s Bookshop Paphos.
1811 Dictionary of the Rude Tongue
Published by Macmillan Books. No current price available
