Give me a break…
If Protaras is not big enough for you to pose in, try Mykonos
MY TRAVEL agenda so far this summer has been pretty eventful. Having just come back from a socialite wedding in Mykonos and a wet, hot and humid London where I combined my work with the Live 8 concert (I’m afraid I was also at the Live Aid concert 20 years ago, ahem!), Frida Kahlo at the Tate Modern and lots of food and wine with old friends… just my idea of relaxing. Next month the Far East, which I’m sure will prompt another column…
Mykonos was not quite clubbing season yet, so I was surprised to spot quite a few the Nicosia nouveu riche, strutting their oh ‘so-obvious-that-it-took-me-all-winter-to-get-rid-of-my-cellulite’ bums on the impeccably crystal clear waters of one of the island’s exclusive beaches. The label-loving women of our capital do not stop at the delight of posing in Protaras (Navsika beach, being the place to show their Victoria Secrets’ mono-kinis if they cannot hit the Greek Islands) or the high-street cafés. Mykonos’ beaches were dotted with paparazzi type shots (they wished) of women and their partners (male and female) going way over-board with their over-the-top ensembles, which would have been more suited to a Beyoncé music video than to hanging out in the sun. I discovered in one week that most Greek girls, whether Greek from Greece or Greek from Cyprus, suffer from an acute case of styling fever. When a girl can’t settle for a bikini and shades, but has to accessorise with a shark-tooth pendant and an ankle bracelet and belly-button jewellery and a slash-front mini kaftan, armfuls of bracelets and more necklaces and a cowboy hat to top the whole look – then that’s when you know you are dealing with an obsessive disorder known in my industry as ‘fashionorexia’. As from now, that is…
Fashionorexics are women who shop obsessively, style obsessively and are constantly adapting and updating their look. They can easily miss a party because they can’t quite choose between five pairs of shoes. Typically, sufferers are insecure about their fashion credentials as well as being perfectionists (they think). They know they aren’t going to set any trends a la Kate Moss, but they are damn well going to get them down, detail for detail, as soon as they hit the catwalk. (I spotted one girl in a nightclub that didn’t just wear Dolce and Gabbana, she wore look no. 14 from the summer show, right down to the hoop earrings and nail polish). Fashionorexics won’t make do with flip-flops from the corner shop; they have to have Havianas (and yes we do have them here too). They can’t settle for one cowboy hat, but have to have all four because the hatbands are different. And, because every time they step out in the world they believe that their look is being judged, right down to the toe ring, their self-esteem is directly linked to the response they get to an outfit. In the celebrity world a clear example is Victoria Beckham, who definitely suffers with an extreme case.
It is possible, having said that, to have a mild form of fashionorexia without really knowing it. You might find yourself in the next few weeks (the fact that the sales are on does not help matters any less) bulk-buying Jesus sandals in all colours (why?), or rushing out and investing in a sequin capelet for rock-concert situations because it’s what Kate Moss wore to the Isle of Wight festival.
We civilians don’t get the quick-change photo opportunities, but it doesn’t mean we don’t have the same impulse to keep working on the perfect outfit for every situation – including the ones we’ll never experience. So come on girls, stop reading and trying to copy all the celebrities and their fashion mistakes. When you next flick through the pages of Vogue, stop daydreaming that you will look like a model if you wear what she wears, and try and develop your own style… that way you won’t get people like me writing columns about how bad you look. I people watch even I’m not on this island…
Talking of Posers…
If you still insist on trying to look like a supermodel, here’s how to step off a plane looking like Elle Macpherson (well maybe)…
Five minutes and five products are all you need to arrive with supermodel-style glamour
5 minutes to landing: Freshen up your hot ‘n’ bothered body with multi-purpose St Ives Energising Cleansing Wipes (available at Alpha Mega) – an instant plane grime zapper. Then slip on a fresh T-shirt and feel heaps better.
4 minutes to landing: Bring your dehydrated, sallow face back to life with a blob of Darphin Instant Lumiere brightening cream (available at all good pharmacies). It moisturises, gives a glow and immediately calms down stress-induced blotchiness.
3 minutes to landing: Rub Stila Color Push-up in Pink Flash, onto eyelids and the apples of your cheeks. The subtle flesh-pink shade will make you look healthy, not haggard after zero sleep. (Only available on the net for the moment, try www.theskinstore.com)
2 minutes to landing: Blitz crow’s feet with everyone-who’s-in-the-know favourite concealer, YSL Touché Éclat in two shades (available at all Beauty Line stores). Instantly gets rid of dark circles and brightens your eyes. Apply sparingly if you are dark or olive skinned or you will look silly, trust me!
1 minute to landing: Well travelled style queens think about getting off the plane before getting on it. How? By drenching their hair with leave-in conditioner and putting it in a bun then, last minute, taking out the hair clip to release soft, glossy waves. Try TIGI Ego Boost leave-in conditioner (available at any Tony and Guy salon). And just before landing, spritz hair and face with Evian Moisture Mist, to look refreshed (Alpha Mega again).
On landing: Perch the baby charmingly on one hip, drape cashmere wrap casually over shoulder, don dark glasses…and, deep breath, smile for the paparazzi…Yeah right!
