Rage Rover
What annoys you most? The environmental impact of SUVs or the class of people that drive them?
APPARENTLY, we are in the midst of a 4×4 backlash, spearheaded by environmentalists and middle-class mums. In London recently flyers were deposited under the windscreen wipers of the offending vehicles; demonstrations were held on the streets and there were reports of vandalism. In Cyprus we are not environmentally creative enough to go that far but believe me as a single, run-around-like-mad-all-day mum someone should be doing something about them here too…
Officially, the arguments against 4x4s, SUVs or whatever you want to call them are that they take up more road space than a Charalambides milk van, guzzle petrol, belch out carbon monoxide in double-decker quantities and kill pedestrians.
Unofficially, the problem has quite a bit to do with the drivers of these urban tanks – 4×4 rage may be posing as a legitimate community concern, but it is really fuelled by contempt for the class of person who owns this type of vehicle. Which is, let’s face it, as often as not a woman with designer sunglasses pinned to her head, bleached highlights, handfuls of price-point-identifiable rings, a Swiss or Maldives winter tan, a hands-free earpiece and, of course, a leopard print coat for winter or a mocha-chocolatte gilet for spring. 4x4s are the new fur: to paraphrase, it takes 60 underpaid mechanics to make one, and one bitch to drive it.
Of course let me be clear: some of my best friends drive SUVs. Of the 4×4 owners I know, I can safely say that most have succumbed after much soul-searching and a weekend of juggling the babies and the dog and the food in the back of the Volvo.
That said, there seems to be a consensus among 4×4 users that can be summed up as a fortress mentality. The whole point of the 4×4 is that it insulates you from the outside world. You are literally elevated above the grime and dust of the street, armoured against the knocks and bumps, ruts and hawkers.
Having once been told by a friend to test-drive a Range Rover because they thought it would ‘suit me’ (no I don’t have Afghan highlights), I can confirm that you feel not just safe but invincible in one of these babies. Nothing can touch you in a 4×4 – and, besides, their sheer bullying presence on the street marks out the driver as someone who is too busy, too rich, too important to be expected to come down to the level of the other drivers. It doesn’t need smoked-glass windows and a personalised number plate to get the message across: ‘Eeeuw. I don’t want to touch your world. Let me through before I vomit.’
Even if you’ve never noticed a car in your life, the sheer arrogance of the SUV hits you slap in the face like a bottle of champagne at a tsunami fundraiser. At any rate, I urge you to ignore the Cypriot equivalent of ‘scratch a 4×4 for London’ that a mate of mine was going to launch in Nicosia (what’s the point of scratching one, anyway? Remove the wheels maybe) and let people pressure take its course. It is only a car, after all…
It’s that time of year again
GAWD, it’s that time of the year again. Best frock, a little envelope stuffed with twenty’s or an overpriced pressie from an appointed ‘wedding list’ shop. Yuk. OK, I’ll be honest. I am a wedding sceptic, especially the weddings that take place here in Cyprus and even though, nowadays, it seems to be as fashionable to get married as it was, during the 1980s, to live together in London.
I’m afraid I still find marriage outdated and oppressive. Who needs a piece of paper to prove that they love someone? And all that ‘love, honour and obey’ stuff is just misogynist baloney. Not for me, well not again, anyway. However, I do recognise that a wedding is the high point of most people’s lives here, and if there is only one day on which they want to look beautiful and for products to work, it’s then. I am not a fan of traditional wedding make-up. I find that whole peaches and tea-rose palette deeply reactionary (especially on Cypriot olive toned and dark skins), so first of all steer clear of all the over-the-counter bridal make-up collections (unless you have skin like a porcelain doll and have lived in Iceland all your life) if you’re in agreement with me.
But you should do one of two things: have a great nude look that enhances your skin and features; or experiment with bright or dark colour, something outside the norm. A make-up lesson will help to perfect a look well before the main event. Having a relaxing facial the day before should leave skin nourished and glowing. And getting your hairdresser to do your hair on the morning is a must. If you live near Nicosia, The Beauty Room has bridal packages, which can be customised to suit your every need. Tel: 22 486850
