THE REAL Unified Defence Dogma held, despite a couple of anxious moments, in Lisbon last Sunday, sparking euphoria and good-natured wildness in every neighbourhood of the world that housed more than two Greeks.
A Greek’s capacity for extended celebrations and merriment is boundless and why the hell not. You do not win the European Football Championship every year, so do not expect the partying to be over before 2006, when we will be having a go at winning the World Cup (assuming we qualify).
More than half the population of the plantation was out on the streets celebrating on Sunday night, making the previous Thursday’s semi-final win partying look low-key and subdued by comparison. People were so overjoyed, even Nicosia mayor Zampelas’ trademark histrionics at the Eleftheria Square party failed to irritate them. Yet the guy’s determination to seize every opportunity for personal promotion never ceases to amaze.
Even worse was to come the following day as the rest of the politicians got in on the act and started to wax lyrical about the triumph. The plantation was flooded with high-sounding clichés about the undying Greek spirit, collective strength, true heroism, David and Goliath, the Gods of Olympus, the triumph of the will, the great moral lessons etc, but there was no Noah’s Ark to save us from drowning in the politicians’ verbosity.
The platitudes were one big turn-off, highlighting our politicians’ cynical knack of hijacking anything positive and exploiting the feel-good factor for cheap moralising and personal gain. At least, the true fans kept things real, sticking to the authentic football repartee, which, unfortunately, cannot be reproduced in a family newspaper, apart from the “bring on Brazil” chant.
BELIEVE it or not, our imaginative politicians were quick to draw parallels between Greece’s triumphs over mighty football nations and the plantation’s current problems with the world’s powerful countries. The clear message was that if we performed like Greece – with discipline and belief, a collective spirit, desire for hard work, a tight defence and a clever tactical strategy – we can start defeating our opponents, such as Britain, the US, the EU and the UN.
The commies, for instance, were quick to praise the benefits of Stalinist values such as discipline and collective work. In an interview, published on Tuesday, AKEL parliamentary spokesman Nikos Katsourides said that if we applied the collective spirit shown by Greece to politics, “then we shall also start to score some goals”.
He did see some differences which could undermine our diplomatic goal-scoring and he was not referring to the retirement of Omonia marksman Raufman. “The problem in the field of politics is that you cannot just have one person in the role of coach. The president cannot decide if he can keep the leadership of any party on side.”
This lack of discipline, in the handling of the Cyprob, diminished our scoring capabilities, concluded Kats, implying that if we followed the Ethnarch’s decisions uncritically and we all, collectively, rallied round him, the goals and victories would certainly come, as they did for the Soviet Union under Stalin.
There is one flaw in this theory, as it ignores Otto Rehagel’s successful tactical ploy of having the most dangerous players of the opposition man-marked. Who will be man-marking Bush, Rumsfeld and Powell when we take on the US? Not Commissar Christofias, who put on his pyjamas and feigned illness rather than have to answer Colin Powell’s phone calls before the referendum.
Without effective man-marking in the diplomatic game, the danger is that we might concede more goals than we can score.
Football and flames in our game of two halves
MOST of the politicians’ platitudes were uttered on the radio shows so it is difficult to reproduce them here, even though you can pretty much imagine what they were saying. It was along the lines “David can beat Goliath”.
Finance Minister Makis Keravnos said: “When Greeks want to, they perform miracles.” Now we await another miracle – the reduction of the fiscal deficit.
Spokesman Cyprus Goldenmouth was more direct. “Greece’s was a great achievement and let this be an example that when we have the will we can do it.”
For the editor of commie mouthpiece Haravghi the victory had even greater significance. Greece’s triumph was a triumph for all small nations, “which, when they have the resilience, strength and determination, can conquer the unattainable and the unreal”. And once they have won on the field they are ready to take the struggle into the “socio-economic wrestling ring”.
He went on: “They can fight against the rigged political matches, in which political leaders obey the orders of the all-powerful US and submit to unlawful blackmail.”
I was hoping that our Ethnarch will not take any of this nonsense too seriously and decide to declare war on Turkey. But when I thought about it I realised that he is already engaged in a diplomatic battle against the world’s most powerful nations and organisations.
And he is not even relying on team-work and a collective spirit because he has always been a one-man team. He is a goalie, a defender, midfielder, a striker, a substitute and the coach, which may explain why his results are more like Cyprus’s than Greece’s.
AS IF THE football celebrations were not enough for one week, we also had to endure fanfare surrounding the arrival of the Olympic flame. But after Sunday’s excitement the arrival of the flame was a huge anti-climax.
OK, I can understand that the flame is laden with meaningful symbolism, but watching some old biddy carrying a torch, followed by a mind-numbingly boring ceremony at which a mayor extols its significance, is about as exciting as watching someone peel potatoes. Not that this deterred the CyBC from devoting hours of live coverage to the flame’s itinerary.
A flame being carried around the streets is just not a spectacle, no matter how important it is. The surrealism began with its arrival when we were told that the flame would be given the reception usually reserved for heads of state. So why did nobody shake its hand on arrival at the airport?
THE ONLY excitement provided by 20-plus hours of tedious TV coverage was the two-minute row in front of the palazzo between the Ethnarch and a Politis hack, who wanted to know why the flame had not been taken to the north as had originally been agreed.
Ethnarch Tassos was mightily pissed off when the hack, who has an admirable talent for rubbing politicians up the wrong way, repeated claims of the Turkish side that our presidente had prevented the flame from going north. Despite referring the hack to the correspondence between the two sides, Tassos then lost his cool and said:
“They (Turks) asked for full equality. That is, whatever happens on this side should happen on their side – that the flame should be received by as many officials of the same rank as on our side.” Tassos, obviously barred the flame from being carried to the north as he would rather die than grant the Turks full equality.
The Turks were off their trolley if they thought that a vindictive bad-faith merchant like Tassos would be affected by the symbolic significance of the flame, and turn all soft and gooey. He had an opportunity, to remind these uppity Turks, who are getting ideas above their station, who was in control of the plantation so he seized it with both hands and scored. One nil to Tassos.
EVEN the claim about the Turks wanting full equality was not entirely accurate. As the mayor of north Nicosia, Kutlai Erk said, everything had been agreed with the chairman of the Cyprus Olympic Committee (COC), Kikis Lazarides, who also happens to be an old chum of the Ethnarch, on July 5.
There would be a brief ceremony, at which Erk would make a brief speech welcoming the flame and then subject it to the ordeal of listening to a bi-communal choir. Some Greek Cypriot runners were to carry the torch in the north and some Turkish Cypriots in the south to demonstrate the Olympic spirit, Erk said. But when he tried to contact the COC find out which routes would be used nobody would come to the phone.
Erk knew something had gone wrong when he heard Cyprus Goldenmouth saying that the flame would go north only if the government allowed it. He was eventually informed that there would be no ceremony in the north and the athletes would run for just 3.5 km. The COC claimed the decision had been taken by the Athens Organising Committee, but only a fool would believe that ATHOC gave a damn how long the flame spent in the north. Only our Ethnarch is capable of such pettiness.
ATTORNEY-GENERAL Solon Nikitas finally decided to apply to the European Parliament for the lifting of Dr Madsakis’ immunity so that he can be questioned in connection with a case of blackmail. He could have reached the same decision back in April and spared our plantation the embarrassment of having an MEP who is a suspect in a criminal case.
Had ATHOC decided back in April that the police allegations against Madsakis should not be investigated or had Javert take the decision without consulting anyone? According to DIKO insiders, the palazzo was desperate for Madsakis to stand in the Euro-elections because he could attract a lot of votes (there are a lot of crazy voters out there) and it was proved right. But we know for a fact that there was no attempt at a cover-up by the palazzo or the AG.
They just decided to shelve the case for a few months. Or years.
THE FLAME may have been treated as a head of state, but did it really have to be taken to the palazzo to be shown to our Ethnarch and his son-in-law, who is becoming a bit of public figure of late? Couldn’t they have gone down town to see it like everyone else on the plantation?
Well they did go to D’Avila moat and had to endure a badly-organised ceremony and concert that went on for hours, finishing well after midnight. The zany Zampelas may have had something to do with the lousy organisation as on the morning of the concert he decided to change all the seating and stage arrangements that had been agreed several weeks ahead.
But apart for being a successful accountant, our mayor must also have great experience as a stage designer and concert organiser. The two-hour delay in the start of the ceremony had nothing to do with his organisational abilities. And we should credit him for keeping his speech brief.
OUR ILLUSTRIOUS mayor seems to be spending more time abroad than the foreign minister, according to Nicosia municipality gossip. And the strange thing is that every time goes abroad he has to go via London for some strange reason. Is he trying to twin London with Nicosia or is there other municipality business he needs to do in London? If his communications advisor, Kokos Eliades, issues a statement explaining why our mayor spends so much time out of his municipality, we promise to publish it.
WHO COULD have believed that on Wednesday, one day after Mr Cyprus boasted that the government had prevented the adoption of EU measures that would be very damaging to our side, the EU Commissioners approved a package of measures for the Turkish Cypriots that would be very damaging to our side?
If there was a Euro 2004 for incompetence, we would be out on the streets celebrating our crowing as champions. On Tuesday they were gloating because they thought that the EU would not approve the proposal for direct trade with the north. And on Wednesday the direct trade was approved, which in effect is acceptance of the existence of two administrations on the plantation.
But all is not lost. If our government shows discipline, good organisation a collective spirit and a desire for hard work, we can still win the match.
