WE MAY not have not succeeded in turning our patticha plantation into a Soviet republic quite yet, but it is certainly not through lack of trying. Many of the requirements are gradually being met, but the harmonisation process is moving very slowly and it might be years before we can proudly call ourselves a Soviet plantation.
In the vanguard of this drive, playing the role of grim enforcer, is the bear-like interior minister and radio personality of the year, Doros, who, according to the Stalinist authority responsible for issuing ‘democratic behaviour certificates’, has “impeccable democratic credentials”.
We all witnessed his democratic credentials after last weekend’s football match between Omonia and Apollonas which the AKEL government-backed club lost 3-1. As part of Soviet harmonisation we now have an official state football club that must win the league championship every year – as was the case with Steaua in the Romania of old.
Doros defended the lunatic behaviour of the cops who went out of their way to cause a riot. One Mobile Action Unit heavy used physical force to arrest the Apollonas trainer during the game for making too much noise on the bench, while at half-time there was a punch-up between Apollonas players and cops outside the dressing rooms, with one player arrested.
The intervention of the Apollonas-supporting Führer, who was also at the game, ensured the release of the player and the trainer, but Doros not only attacked Nik for interfering in the work of the police, he also insisted the cops had every right to make arrests during the game and scuffle with the players at half-time.
This sensitive policing, which could have sparked a major riot and was applauded by hard-man Doros, is also part of the Soviet harmonisation process. The thing is the official state club was only trailing by 1-0 at half-time, and the police did not need to intervene so early to help the future league champions out. As for hitting and arresting the opponents’ players at half-time, it was a bit too crude a tactic, even by Soviet tactical standards. Why did they not try playing a 3-5-2 system before proceeding to the arrests stage? They may even have levelled the score.
OUR POLICE force is probably the greatest in the world when it comes to taking on evil criminal minds. They routinely unearth and nip in the bud sinister conspiracies, acts of subversion against the state, terrorist plots, and planned kidnappings of respectable citizens and their grandchildren. But ask them to deal with half a dozen teenage football hooligans outside a stadium and they just cannot cope.
One poor cop was beaten up so badly by thugs outside the ground last weekend that he needed emergency surgery, while a second escaped with light injuries.
HARD-MAN Doros repeatedly lost his rag on TV and growled at hacks asking him awkward questions on TV shows about the football incidents. Presenters on Mega and CyBC were attacked on air by the government enforcer on consecutive days, because their questions did not meet with his approval.
But it is not only Nik and TV presenters who have come up against the authoritarian side of the democratic minister’s character. Several weeks ago, cops raided an EDEK coffeeshop on a refugee estate because they had information that drugs were being used and sold on the premises. They did not find anything, but the man who runs the kafenion called up Doros, who is an EDEK member, and complained to him.
Doros called a meeting at the coffeeshop, inviting the cop who had been in charge of the raid and told him: “You set foot in this coffeeshop, for any reason, ever again and I will crush you.” I suspect he said this because he knew that Edekites never use drugs, which begs the question: how could they have put up with Dr Faustus as their leader for 30 years without ever seeking chemical release?
And the moral of this story is that drug users pretending to be EDEK supporters can now smoke their joints in peace – with no risk of being disturbed by the cops – in coffeeshops that sport an EDEK sign outside.
THE AKELITE propaganda machine immediately came to the defence of the socialist enforcer, disparaging his critics, praising the police, and offering sermons about respect for the law. Had the cops attacked an Omonia trainer and scuffled with Omonia players at half-time, though, it is doubtful the propagandists would have taken a similar stand. But then again, such a possibility is out of the question in these Stalinist times.
Giorgos Christodoulides of Haravghi, son of AKEL deputy Doros and a fearless campaigner against nepotism, described Nice Nik’s action in “stopping the of arrest of citizen of the Cyprus Republic unacceptable”. The way Giorgos wrote about the matter you’d have thought the Führer had violated the trainer’s human rights. In the AKEL-run plantation it is the inalienable right of every citizen of the Republic to be arrested.
On Friday, the paper’s columnist Christos Mavris attacked the Romanian coach of Apollonas, Ilie Dimitrescu, for saying the cops’ behaviour reminded him of Romania under Nicolae Ceausescu, when people were afraid to speak. Dimitrescu had not only insulted Cyprus but all Cypriots with his outburst, wrote Mavris adding that “he cannot speak about democracy”.
“We know that Dimitrescu and others of his ilk tolerated Ceausescu for decades with no problem,” said the learned Mavris, forgetting that his paper and his party did not just tolerate the Romanian dictator for decades, they also praised him to high heaven as one of the world’s great socialist leaders. And now they take offence because their plantation is likened to socialist Romania!
I MUST confess that I wouldn’t have minded if our cops had behaved like Ceausescu’s Securitate when they went to the Kalispera traffic lights in Nicosia to stop the insufferably sanctimonious self-publicist Giorgos Perdikis from tearing down billboards which he had decided were illegal. Why did Haravghi not write about the violation by the police of Perdikis’ right, as a citizen of the Republic, to be arrested?
Is green hooliganism permitted? Perdikis and his three henchmen, resplendent in orange overalls, were vandalising private property, yet the cops did not arrest him. He may enjoy parliamentary immunity, but his henchmen who did the vandalising do not. And as the self-righteous and courageous do-gooder said on radio, he did not believe that parliamentary immunity covered deputies’ acts outside the legislature.
I cannot describe my pleasure at seeing Perdikis’ latest publicity stunt backfire big time on Wednesday evening. A representative of the company which owned the billboards told TV audiences that since 2001 the Green Party has owed it £13,000 which it was refusing to pay. This was the bill for the use of billboards by the Greens during the parliamentary election campaign.
These revelations clipped Perdikis’ wings, and he toned down his rhetoric against the illegal billboards which he was more than happy to use in order to get elected. Would it be too cynical to suggest that the guy’s hysterical campaign against the billboards was not influenced exclusively by his concern for the environment?
What a guy! Surely he couldn’t have waged a major public campaign, advertising his concern for the public good and his incorruptibility, just in order to get out of honouring his party’s debt? Did he really chose to destroy the signs of the company to which the Greens owe money?
If a Limassol pimp had done this, it would have been perfectly acceptable, because he is not on the radio every morning preaching against corruption and praising his own moral superiority. I suppose we have to accept Perdikis, warts and all.
A COUPLE of weeks ago, it was revealed that the financial expert Dr Costas Mavrides, who had been hired by the legislature to invest
igate the big bubble exchange scam, was not exactly a disinterested party in the investment loan saga. He had been taken to court for failing to repay a debt in excess of 120,000 smackeroonies.
So when he declared that all these investment loans had been given out illegally and were therefore null and void, his advice should have been taken with a pinch of salt. Was he, like Perdikis, trying to get out of paying a debt by citing the illegality argument? Neither would appear to have thought of the law when he was incurring his respective debt.
Dr Mavrides came under a barrage of press criticism for not declaring his interest when pronouncing the investment loans illegal. And who came to his defence? Perdikis wrote a long article in Politis, on October 31, giving his stamp of moral approval, and declaring that the doctor had done nothing wrong. Apparently he should know.
THE ZANIEST mayor in Cyprus, Michael Zampelas, made a fool of himself yet again last weekend with his classic remark “who is this notorious Santarosa?” He was defending Nicosia Municipality’s decision change the name of Santarosa Ave to Spyros Kyprianou Avenue.
He had checked the municipality’s archives and found nothing about the notorious one, he claimed. He was informed after the event that Count Santarosa was an Italian nobleman who had died in 1825, fighting in Greece against Ottoman rule.
But Mike was not the only leading personality who had never heard of the man. The issue also came up at last Tuesday’s meeting of the DISY political office, and one deputy argued that the party should have taken a public stand on the matter. An obviously preoccupied Führer was heard to ask the deputy: “Who was Santarosa? Was she Ché Guevara’s girlfriend?”
THE SANTAROSA saga was nothing compared to the snub Zampelas received, in writing, from Auditor-general Chrystalla Yiorkadjis, to whom he had written ordering her to investigate allegations that municipal officials were demanding bribes from architects in order to issue building permits.
The report about the alleged bribes had appeared in the authoritative rag, Phil. It was completely vague, avoiding mentioning a specific municipality, town or architect. It was one of those pieces that any journalist can think up without even breaking sweat.
But the clueless Zampelas thought he should act, so on November 4 he wrote to the auditor-general demanding that she carry out an investigation at Nicosia municipality and submit her findings by the date he had set. Yiorkadji, addressing him as ‘Sir’ rather than by his name, told him that he had no constitutional authority to assign her any work and reprimanded him for publicising his decision to demand an investigation without consulting her first.
She also wrote: “In the specific case, according to what you wrote, there is no object for an investigation as you made it quite clear in your letter that there is not an inkling of suspicion that the report referred to your municipality.”
He wanted her to carry out investigation when he knew that none of his officials was taking bribes, so he could say that the report in Phil was not referring to Nicosia Municipality. Do these guys have nothing better to do?
BUT WE shouldn’t be too harsh on the mayor because he has grand cultural plans that would make him the toast of polite society if he pulls them off. After bringing Andrea Bocelli to the capital last year, he has now set his sights even higher. He wants to bring Luciano Pavarotti to sing in his car-park.
A final decision will be taken at a municipality meeting tomorrow night. If he gets the go-ahead he will be forgiven his long catalogue of blunders by the crème de la crème of our society. There might even be an opportunity for a CD – Pavarotti in the (Car) Park.
I AM ECSTATIC to report the first bi-communal love affair which could result in marriage. A young Greek Cypriot hairdresser and a Turkish Cypriot construction site worker have fallen madly in love. Her parents did not approve of the relationship and did everything in their power to end it, to spare themselves the shame that such a liaison would have on the family, but the young woman would not give up her Turk. She moved out of the family home and has shacked up with her man in a small apartment. You can’t knock young love, but if the Turks make a habit of taking our women we ought to consider closing the checkpoints again. I am sure the government has legal reservations about the affair, about which we will no doubt hear in due course.
RADIOMARATHON, also known as the celebration of humanity, ended without any charity worker being run over by a car, I am happy to report. But it was not all back-slapping and smugness. The mother of one child with learning difficulties complained to Politis that no insurance company will provide cover for these children when they are at school. All children have insurance cover except those with learning difficulties because they are more prone to have accidents in the playground.
We are sure that Laiki Bank, the organiser of Radiomarathon, and also the owner of several insurance companies, will set a good example and offer insurance cover to these children, even though it is not profitable. Laiki has shown that helping these children is more important than profit.
QUOTE OF THE WEEK
In other countries the stock exchange is the barometer of the economy. In Cyprus it is the barometer of fraud.
Aristos Chrysostomou, Chairman of the House Finance Committee
