THE ONLY time we ever see harmony and unity in political life here, with ideological barriers and personal rivalries disappearing and all politicians working constructively together, is when they vote themselves pay rises. This worthy cause achieves an unprecedented level of unity among politicians, who miraculously stop bickering over how best to serve the interests of the people and focus on moolah instead.
So this week, when the perm sec of the Finance Ministry went to the House with proposals to double the annual ‘entertainment allowance’ (a euphemism for non-taxable income) of ministers, the presidente and presidente of the House, the reaction was muted, to say the least. Deputies played along too, despite the fact there would be no more lolly for them since they cannot vote pay rises for the term in which they serve. But now we hear their acquiescence was bought with the promise of an increase in their entertainment allowance, in the next term, from 8.3 grand to 10 grand a year.
THERE was some of the obligatory outrage expressed by deputies, but this was directed at certain senior public officials whose obese annual salaries were cleverly released by the Finance Ministry’s perm sec, ostensibly for comparison purposes. This showed that ministers were not being paid too generously after all, though I have serious doubts as to the ability of half the members of the cabinet to command salaries of 42 grand, plus 8.3 grand in entertainment allowance, in the private sector. Would any business give Nicos Koshis such a salary?
The Central Bank Governor gets 77 grand, which may explain why Afxentis Afxentiou is so reluctant to step down when his contract expires next month (and why Generalissimo Ttooulis is so eager to replace him), while the boss of the state-owned Development Bank collects a cool 86 grand per annum. The Attorney-general and High Court judges are on 56 big ones, four grand more than el presidente himself.
Pay rises were also proposed for District Court judges, but again our deputies did not complain. As most of them are lawyers, it would have been slightly unwise to get on the wrong side of judges by complaining about their remuneration, even if the members of the Supreme Court do get higher salaries than el presidente.
A COUPLE of deputies complained because ministers received a lot more money than them, but harmony and unity were quickly restored when they realised that their remuneration of more than 30 grand a year, for what is essentially a part-time job, is not such a raw deal.
Not even the communist party AKEL, defender of the weak and poor, protested about the neo-liberal conservative government’s decision to boost the income of the best-paid members of society. What about socialist principles such as the fairer distribution of income? What about the poor workers, whose average annual salary is significantly less than the House President’s tax free entertainment allowance, which was increased by more than 100 per cent from 4.7 grand a year to 10? And what about the poor pensioners AKEL constantly sheds tears in public for, who are on just 150 bananas a month?
But how could AKEL complain when its leader Demetris Christofias’ entertainment allowance had been doubled by the neo-liberal government that serves the interests of big capital and does not care about pensioners and the poor? The party mouthpiece Haravghi, which is always moaning about the vagaries of capitalism, had very little to say about the subject, devoting just a brief back-page editorial to it.
In this it said the reaction of the poorly paid workers was expected. “What made the biggest impression was the very high income of ministry permanent secretaries and top executives of the Central Bank, which far exceed the salaries and allowances of elected officials of state, something which constitutes blatant inequality and injustice.” The only injustice defenders of the poor have identified is that perm secs and Central Bank officials receive more dosh than elected state officials such as Christofias.
After identifying this ‘blatant injustice’, Haravghi said what you would expect from the mouthpiece of a communist party: “We do not criticise those who enjoy high remuneration.” How could it when Christofias, who is above criticism, is on 47 grand plus 10 grand allowance? That’s entertainment.
THE BIGGEST pay rise went to the man who runs the country, under-secretario to el presidente, generalissimo Pantelis Kouros, who has shown that taking care of numero uno is always a top priority. As under-sec, Kouros received an entertainment allowance of 3.2 grand, 1.3 grand less than a minister’s, who is theoretically above him in the hierarchy.
With the government’s proposals his entertainment allowance will increase by 165 per cent to 8.5 grand which would be 150 bananas more than a minister’s. To be fair, previous under-secretaries to el presidente did not have the responsibility of running the plantation. Then again, Pantelis now owns his very own nightclub, The Gate, at which he need not pay anything for his entertainment. Surely his allowance should have been reduced instead of increased?
POOR OLD Michael Zampelas, the new mayor of Nicosia, still has much to learn about the dirty world of plantation politics. This week he had a meeting with Interior Minister Generalissimo Ttooulis of Avgorou, who welcomed him thus: “We are happy that we have the new Nicosia mayor here, but are also saddened that Lellos Demetriades is not here.”
The reference to Lellos was brimming with sarcasm. This was obvious to everyone at the meeting except Zampelas who took the remark at face value, and, maybe in order to ingratiate himself with the all-powerful generalissimo who could soon be in charge of the Central Bank, he said earnestly: “Let’s find a way to bring him back.” If he had a bit more political savvy, he would have known that there’s no love lost between Ttooulis and Lellos and would have kept mum.
The generalissimo had been refusing to release funds needed for infrastructural work in the capital for as long as Lellos was mayor. This tactic ensured that Lellos never realised his last big wish before leaving the municipality — to lay the foundation stone of the new Nicosia Town Hall. For no lolly was forthcoming from the Interior Ministry.
WHAT A WEEK it has been for the new Bishop of Kykkos, Nikiforos, also known as Makarios the Fourth, who continues his ascent of the Golgotha of his ambition. This weekend he hosted the three-day World Meeting of Religions and Cultures, which he organised and which was attended by representatives of different religions, including Islam and Buddhism.
Messages were sent to the meeting, via satellite, from the Pope and Dalai Lama, which for us, the Greek Orthodox faithful, was scandalous. Has Nikiforos forgotten the Fourth Crusade and the fall of Constantinople to the bloodthirsty Muslim hordes? What sort of Orthodox Archbishop would he be, preaching tolerance and a multi-cultural society? Do we now have to tolerate Islam because Nikiforos wants to make a name for himself on the world stage as a liberal religious statesman?
A couple of days before the world meeting, Nikiforos was elected a member of the Council of the Cyprus University. What will he think of next to raise his public profile? Chairman of the board of CyTA or Cyprus Airways?
OUR ESTABLISHMENT received the following letter from a reader:
“In last Sunday’s column, you use the word ‘symbetheros’ (father of future son-in-law). I can find no trace of this word in any of my reference books at home. I am, therefore, curious to learn more about this word. Can Patroclos assist?”
Dear customer, my reference to ‘symbetheros’ as ‘father of future son-in law’ was made in the context of what I had written. Trying to define it in English is not easy. ‘Symbetheros’ (‘symbethera’ is the feminine gender and ‘symbetheri’ the plural) literally translated means co-in-law (of the male gender). It derives from ‘petheros’ which means father-in-law and is used only by the in-laws of a couple to refer to the other in-laws of the same couple.
In other words, if Costis’ son marries Bambos’ daughter, then Costis would refer to Bambos as his ‘symbetheros’ and vice versa. Costis and his wife would refer to Bambos and his wife as ‘our symbetheri’ and vice versa, while Bambos would refer to Costis’ wife as ‘my symbethera’ and vice versa. It is used only by a couple’s in-laws to refer to the other set of in-laws. In other words, to be a symbetheros with someone, his kid must be married to your kid.
A NEW WORD has entered Bananiot political debate and is being frequently used by journalists and politicians — ‘matsakismos’. For the English equivalent we would follow Erasmus’ transliteration rules and refer to it as Matsakism, in the same way that the Greek ‘Marxismos’ in English is ‘Marxism’. It goes without saying that a devotee of Matsakism would be known as a Matsakist.
It does not refer to a political philosophy — yet — but to a form of behaviour. And before any reader looks the word up in a reference book, I must warn that it was not yet been entered in any dictionary — but maybe this is only a question of time.
No prizes for guessing who inspired this new political word, even though guessing its meaning would be very difficult indeed, given the vast range of activities the good doctor is involved in. For instance, we could say it refers to enthusiasts who get a kick out of climbing large aerials; who like to put on army fatigues and spend a night sleeping rough in the Akamas; who pick fights with the authorities of the British Bases; who spend time in a mortuary; or to self-publicists capable of unpredictable behaviour. If we said it referred to people with an uncontrollable desire to be on the TV news and who would do anything for an appearance then we would be completely wrong — because that is called Christodoulismos.
We heard the new word used on morning radio show, when the leader of the turtle-lovers, George Perdikis, denied he was guilty of Matsakismos (as if it were a crime), in issuing a public warning about the toxic waste being stored at Limassol port. From this we can deduce that it refers to individuals who regularly make alarmist and sensationalist claims, often resorting to gross exaggeration, on a range of issues, for the sole purpose of attracting public attention to their person and earning votes for being a sensitive champion of the people.
Nine tenths of our politicians could have given their name to Matsakismos, but it is only fair that the term should be named after the man who pioneered the behaviour.
THE CHAIRMAN of the House Interior Committee, Nicos Katsourides, complained to a CyBC representative this week because the corporation no longer performed its patriotic duty of putting a picture of an occupied village before the evening news show, with the legend “Den Xechno” (“I do not forget”). They may just have forgotten, even though I suspect that the gimmick was abandoned because the CyBC was losing viewers. For who would choose to stare at a still picture for three minutes when they could switch over to the news on another channel?
THE EDITOR-IN-CHIEF of Phileleftheros, Anthos Lykavgis, was interviewed on Mega TV this week. At one point the interviewer mentioned Bananiot personalities and asked Lyk to describe them in one or two words. For George Vassiliou he said “statesman”, but he saved his best for Spyros Kyprianou, whom he described as an “honourable politician”.
LAST WEEK we promised to reproduce more of the sexual tips and insights offered by the self-proclaimed ‘Dean of Sex’, Andreas Demetropoulos, editor of Omikron Man, in a chat with four blokes. A transcript of the chat was reproduced in the glossy rag’s latest edition.
The Dean proclaimed that “everything is a matter of experience”, and in an untypical show of modesty he conceded: “You always learn. Even a Dean like myself. From one woman I learned the game with the red ribbon.” He then explained how the red ribbon could be used. “I can tie myself up, make a bow and come as a gift. Wearing only the ribbon.”
Asked by one of the younger participants in the conversation what he was a Dean of, he replied: “I scout for talent. I am preparing the next generation for you.”
“Do you train them so they are ready for us?” asked baby-faced Andreas Yiortsios. The Dean replied: “When a woman goes with a man older than her, there is no chance that she will return to have a relationship and get laid and enjoy it with a man of her age. This is because an older man has experience and does not see sex as get in, finish and get out.”
“An older man might do it only three times but a young man ten times,” Yiortsios insisted, but the Dean soon put him in his place. “I’m not talking about three times. It is not quantity that matters. An experienced man could finish with a woman whenever he chooses to.”
The Dean of Sex concluded the conversation thus: “The most beautiful thing I have ever heard was from a woman, who, after we made love, turned around and told me ‘Now you have made me a woman’.”
So ladies, if you have not become a woman yet, just pick up a phone, call the Omikron switchboard and ask for Andy. And don’t forget to take along a red ribbon.
FINALLY, after a five-year study, a team of American scientists has made the following amazing discovery.
1. The sport of choice for the urban poor is: BASKETBALL.
2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is: BOWLING.
3. The sport of choice for front-line workers is: FOOTBALL.
4. The sport of choice for supervisors is: BASEBALL.
5. The sport of choice for middle management is: TENNIS.
6. The sport of choice for corporate officers is: GOLF.
CONCLUSION: The higher you are in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become.
The Cyprus Mail is the only English-language daily newspaper published in Cyprus. It was established in 1945 and today, with its popular and widely-read website, the Cyprus Mail is among the most trusted news sites in Cyprus. The newspaper is not affiliated with any political parties and has always striven to maintain its independence. Over the past 70-plus years, the Cyprus Mail, with a small dedicated team, has covered momentous events in Cyprus’ modern history, chronicling the last gasps of British colonial rule, Cyprus’ truncated independence, the coup and Turkish invasion, and the decades of negotiations to stitch the divided island back together, plus a myriad of scandals, murders, and human interests stories that capture the island and its -people. Observers describe it as politically conservative.
