THERE ARE few who can work themselves into a fit of self-righteous philanthropic hysteria quite like the caring Stalinists of the most backward commie party outside Cuba and North Korea. For the past 10 days, Akelites were programmed to express uncontrollable moral indignation about the iniquities brought on the Third World by “capitalist globalisation”, which apparently was the only cause of poverty, starvation and the fact that Cypriot teams are unable to advance beyond the qualifying stage of European Champions League.
All world suffering was laid at the door of the evil multinationals and big capital in the West, which put profit above people, unlike the sensitive Stalinist parties of the Eastern Bloc which put the party above people and profits, thus leading their economies to bankruptcy. If the nonsense, lies and absurdities we have heard and read over the past 10 days about globalisation had been taxable our plantation would have raised enough money to eliminate world starvation altogether.
Leading the campaign against the “capitalist form of globalisation” (the implication being that the communist form of globalisation a good thing) was our very own cheerleader of philanthropy, Haravghi the commie mouthpiece, which carried passionately indignant editorials about the G-word almost every day this week. On Tuesday it explained, conclusively, why there is poverty: “The poverty, hunger, unemployment that afflict millions of our fellow human beings is the result of multinationals in the wealthy states robbing people and states.” No mention of all those Third World dictators whose Swiss bank accounts boast deposits that would make multinationals seem poor by comparison.
THE PREVIOUS day’s editorial had waxed lyrical about the “fighting spirit” of the demonstrators. “The clenched fist of the struggle for a better tomorrow has not weakened. On the contrary, the resolve for resistance to the conservative forces and the new order which are trying to spread their tentacles worldwide, is getting stronger…
“The blood shed in Genoa has not been wasted. It has already been transformed into a symbol for the ideals of freedom, justice, equal opportunities for every citizen on the planet, respect for the culture and dignity of all people. The bloodshed in Genoa will remind every progressive person of the barbarism of those who want to control their fate. It will be transformed into a beacon of resistance against the arbitrariness of the mighty of the earth and the dictatorship they want to impose with their power.”
Amen. This is just a small example of the Cold War rhetoric and anti-western hatred the paper has been peddling all week. Does the accidental killing of a demonstrator constitute barbarism? If that is barbarism how should we describe the ruthless repression of dissidents in the former Soviet bloc, the abject cruelty of African dictators towards their people, and Islamic governments’ treatment of women?
Let’s face it, populations of Third World countries would be much better off living under western-style barbarism even if this meant the globalisation of their culture. As for the “dictatorship of the mighty”, if allowed to happen, it will be a major improvement for the lives of millions of poor people who have had to live under the “dictatorship of the weak”, such as Bokassa, Idi Amin, Ceausescu, Honecker, Suharto, the Taleban and Kim Il Sung.
WE BANANIOTS have always aspired to become western Europeans, aping the western way of life, dress and behaviour, but as soon as AKEL gives the signal we all flock like sheep to jump on the anti-West, anti-globalisation bandwagon.
All the politicians and the newspapers repeat this inane anti-western propaganda disseminated by unrepentant Stalinists who still feel miffed about the collapse of communism. The only notable exception has been DISY’s Prodromos Prodromou, who deserves our praise for being a beacon of resistance against the brainless platitudes churned out by the lobotomised commies and their fellow-sufferers.
The anti-western disease spreads faster than a computer virus on the plantation. Even Politis, which is meant to be a thinking person’s rag, was infected with philanthropic hysteria. After ranting and raving about the evil western leaders “who decide our futures according to their own measures”, the paper’s editorial writer (who must have worked for Haravghi) informed us that the most “provocative” aspect of the G-8 summit was the decision to give two billion (he did not specify if it was dollars, yen, marks, drachmas or bananas) for the fight against AIDS in Africa.
This was an insult, “just a few crumbs”, considering that 70 billion whatevers were needed, according to Kofi Annan . The writer was seriously suggesting that the West should give Africa 70 billion (I suspect dollars). Even the most naive do-gooding sociology undergraduate could have told him that the recipients of this money would not be African AIDS sufferers but the Swiss banking system. This would of course not be the fault of greedy and corrupt African leaders but of the multinationals.
SHOULD it be mentioned that thanks to globalisation Bananiots are guaranteed cheap Third World workers and maids? It never crosses our minds that we are exploiting Third World poverty just like the multinationals. In fact we boast that the peanuts we usually pay the maids to work 18 hours a day is a lot more than they would receive in their own country. When multinationals open factories in the Third World they are exploiting people, but when Bananiots employ Filipina maids they are helping them.
THE MOST meaningful contribution to the crusade against globalisation was made by Akelite deputy Giorgos Lillikas, who put forward some very erudite arguments against this evil process that keeps the Third World poor. Lillikas omitted, though, to mention that the advertising agency he owns, Marketway, has an association agreement with French-based multinational ad agency, Publicis.
He also forgot to mention that Marketway has also joined the globalisation process, by opening offices in Kazakhstan (poor third world country), where he has the advertising account for Coca-Cola (evil multinational). It’s a bit rich for someone who has done so well financially out of globalisation — contributing to the Americanisation of Kazakhstan by persuading Kazakhstanis to give up nettle tea and drink Coke — to be preaching against the process. It’s as convincing as Microsoft protesting against an increase in PC sales.
YOU READ it here first about Mayor Lellos Demetriades’ ingenious plan to continue selflessly serving the public after December’s municipal elections in which he will not be standing for re-election. Lellos admitted to a newspaper earlier this week that the creation of a position for a Commissioner of Local Authorities had been discussed at the Union of Municipalities.
Was he interested in this position? Is the Ecumenical Patriarch Orthodox? He has not ruled himself out of the reckoning, but he has set one condition. “If I take this position, I will not take a salary. I will offer my services gratis,” he has said.
He is a wily old fox. By announcing that he does not want any money, he has made himself a front-runner for the post, not to mention the fact that in this way he will make it easier for the government to set it up as it will presumably involve little expense.
Dr FAUSTUS also grudgingly stepped down as leader of KISOS last Sunday, after an emotionally-charged speech described by one of the participants of the conference as an “exercise in political narcissism”. The socialist windbag bored the pants off participants by recounting his many heroic acts, such as the one-man war he supposedly waged against the Greek junta, and the sacrifices he had made as leader of the socialist movement.
He may have stepped down as leader, but fortunately, for the socialist movement and the country as a whole, he will not be departing the political scene. In recognition for his huge contribution to ensuring that his party remains an inconsequential political force, Dr Windbag was declared honorary president of KISOS for life, after a proposal by Marinos Sizopoulos.
In his honorary role (which is very Ba’ath Party) the octogenarian doctor will have the responsibility of shaping KISOS policy, representing the party abroad on all big issues (it was not specified whether this meant that he would continue to accompany el presidente to Cyprus talks abroad) and participating with the party leader in National Council meetings. I’ll say nothing else for fear of receiving yet another letter from the great honorary socialist leader’s better half.
Hey, here’s an idea: why don’t we declare Lellos honorary mayor of Nicosia for life, and spare him the angst of not knowing if he will get the public post he so craves when he surrenders the mayorship? It is the least we can do, surely?
YOU ALSO READ it here first that our interior minister, Ttooulis Tooulou of Avgorou, has already made arrangements so that he too can continue serving the public. He has persuaded el presidente to appoint him Governor of the Central Bank, so that he is guaranteed a public post after the 2003 presidential elections. But how was el presidente persuaded to appoint him?
According to our mole up the palazzo, the oldest trick in the book was used by Generalissimo Kouros. He took el presidente a list of candidates for the post, which included Ttooulis. The list was made up of people renowned for being all-round hopeless cases. I suppose Kouros may have put in a kiosk-owner, a policeman, a car park attendant and the odd politician, and told el presidente that this was the shortlist of candidates for the job. Under the circumstances, el presidente had no alternative but to choose the kiosk owner, but was then probably informed by Kouros that this person was ineligible because he could not write. So it had to be Ttooulis.
The only hope of the appointment being quashed is if the chairmen of the two biggest local banks express their objections to el presidente, who is bound to consult them before finalising this decision. I just hope Solon and Kikis have not been duped into giving their approval, by assurances from Ttooulis that he will do as they tell him. Only they can save the economy from Ttooulis, and if they have not already been hoodwinked I urge them not to take heed of his assurances, because as soon as he walks into the Central Bank he will start thinking he’s an economics expert.
THE EXPERIENCE of poor old Spy Kyp with Ttooulis is indicative of what Solon and Kikis can expect. During the golden years of the Kyp presidency, Ttooulis was director of the Government Printing Office, but desperately wanted to be made permanent secretary of a ministry, so he grovelled to Kyp, begging him for such a post.
In exchange for the promotion, Ttooulis promised Spy that he would go to the villages of the Famagusta district, from where he hailed, and persuade people to vote for Spy in the elections (this loyal DISY man was once a DIKO supporter). He boasted that he wielded a lot of influence in these villages and could greatly help the campaign to gather votes.
As soon as his appointment as perm sec was announced, a high-ranking DIKO official called him up to ask when they could go down to the villages to campaign for votes. Ttooulis’ response was that he could not possibly do such a thing. As a perm sec, he explained, he could not be seen to getting involved in the election campaign. Solon and Kikis have been warned, and I hope it is not too late.
REGULARS will remember the eagerness with which Ttooulis and el presidente, 10 days ago, after they had made a complete cock-up of the firefighting efforts in Lythrodontas, were promoting the purchase of an enormous Russian-made helicopter as the only way to bring forest fires under control. The advantage of the chopper, according to our two expert firefighters, is that it can carry 20 tonnes of water, which is quite a lot.
But they did not mention that such a chopper would cost something in the region of £20 million. For that amount of money three or four firefighting aircraft, of the type sent by Greece, could be bought. These planes are not half as cumbersome as the Russian chopper. The only benefit of buying the chopper is that Russian manufacturers give 30 per cent commission on any purchase, which means we would be able to buy it for just over 13 million quid if we insisted that the amount earmarked as commission be taken off the price.
ARE OUR hacks losing their marbles? During a joint press conference given in Nicosia this week by our Foreign Minister Giovanni Cassoulides and his counterpart from Luxembourg, the CyBC’s Costas Yennaris started his question with the following quip to Ms Lydie Polfer: “You have brought a new look to our foreign minister. He normally wears dark suits but today he is wearing light colours.”
She was obviously embarrassed but smiled politely and answered the question that followed. But worse was yet come. At the end of the press conference, Alex Efthyvoulos got up and said: “May I say that you look very chic, madam.” She thanked him and left the room in a rush.
QUOTE OF THE WEEK
“My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could — so long as he didn’t take it out of my garden.”
Eric Morecambe
The Cyprus Mail is the only English-language daily newspaper published in Cyprus. It was established in 1945 and today, with its popular and widely-read website, the Cyprus Mail is among the most trusted news sites in Cyprus. The newspaper is not affiliated with any political parties and has always striven to maintain its independence. Over the past 70-plus years, the Cyprus Mail, with a small dedicated team, has covered momentous events in Cyprus’ modern history, chronicling the last gasps of British colonial rule, Cyprus’ truncated independence, the coup and Turkish invasion, and the decades of negotiations to stitch the divided island back together, plus a myriad of scandals, murders, and human interests stories that capture the island and its -people. Observers describe it as politically conservative.
