MANY Cypriot men who take a mistress find themselves unable to perform in bed, according to new report which takes sexual issues out of the closet.
The research also reveals that many married men who have suffered from premature ejaculation for years do nothing about it until confronted by dissatisfied mistresses.
Larnaca-based specialist sex therapist and clinical psychologist George Georgiou has compiled a 50-page report on the sexual habits of Cypriots which sheds some light on what is essentially still a taboo subject.
Georgiou said most of his clients are men, some 30 per cent of whom suffer from impotence. This often happens when a man takes on a mistress.
“I see this happening time and time again,” Georgiou told the Sunday Mail. “It could be guilt, but in most cases it’s because they feel under extra pressure to perform in front of a new girlfriend — they are keen to prove their manhood and the anxiety kills the moment.”
Georgiou said he always advises those clients to end the affair and concentrate on their marriages.
Another 30 per cent of male clients suffer from premature ejaculation, one of the most common complaints. But most sufferers do not seek help and when they eventually do, it is more likely to be prompted by dissatisfied girlfriends than long-suffering wives.
Georgiou’s treatment of such cases involves working through a series of exercises in the privacy of the bedroom. “Unlike America, here in Cyprus none of the physical side of the therapy takes place in the clinic and surrogate partners are not used,” he said.
Male Sexual Phobia – when a man loses all desire for sex with his partner — is also increasing in Cyprus. Georgiou said the problem can be traced back to psychological difficulties stemming from childhood.
“More often than not these men find it difficult to relate to their partner. They’re not close to them and have trouble communicating,” Georgiou said.
He added that the changing role of women in society could also be a factor. Many men feel quite threatened by and unable to cope with vocal partners unwilling to tolerate behaviour they deem unacceptable.
While most of Georgiou’s clients are men aged between 18-55 (with nearly half of those in the 25-35 age group), he also treats a growing number of women with problems achieving orgasm.
“I would not say there is too much emphasis on the orgasm, but rather too little attention is paid to the dynamics of the partnership,” he said. “What couples should be concentrating on is the quality of inter-communication, establishing mutual trust, understanding each other’s needs and being willing to make compromises.”
Sex is all in the mind, he said, and people in a happy loving relationship are more likely to be content sexually.
Cypriot society has much to answer for when it comes to women’s sexual problems, Georgiou said. He frequently encounters vaginismus, affecting the muscle at the entrance to the vagina, making it contract and rendering sex physically impossible.
“This can happen for many reasons but I think our culture is often to blame,” he said. “Virginity in women is related directly to the honour of the family, and parents naturally seek to protect it, particularly those living in small villages.” As a result some girls grow up repressed and fearing sex, a psychological condition which manifests itself in the physical.
But vaginismus is treatable. Georgiou cited his successful treatment of a woman who was unable to consummate her marriage for 14 years. “She was so delighted when she finally gave birth to their first child that she asked me to christen it,” he said.
One of Georgiou’s more interesting cases involved an 89-year-old man who came to him for advice. “He’d just discovered he had a heart condition and was worried about the effect this would have on his sex life, as he was still making love to his wife three times a week,” Georgiou said.
“All I could really say was ‘Grandad – if only I could live as long as you, never mind be sexually active at your age. You are a very lucky man’.”
